The Birth of a Mother

Well, I am very, very excited about what's about to happen. For many years, I've wanted to have a Mother's Day sermon that just focused on moms. We don't always do that. Usually it's Happy Mother's Day and let's just go right back into the sermon that I was preaching anyway, right? But man, moms are pretty important. Especially always, but especially kind of right now in this cultural moment, I'm feeling that moms are maybe just a little bit disrespected or maybe marginalized and we just want to honor you moms.

Now here's the problem. I've been thinking about this for years, thinking, you know, I'm not really qualified to speak to the travails and challenges of being a mom. I just, you know, I'm not the right person for that. But every single woman I ask who is a mom to speak on Mother's Day goes, "No, it's Mother's Day, so how do I solve that?" Well guess what, our speaker today, in addition to just being highly qualified, was one of our speakers at our great Bible conference that was all day yesterday. Hundreds of people came out to enjoy teaching from professors, from colleges and grad schools and seminaries across America who spoke on understanding and loving and trusting God's Word, the Bible.

And by the way, I want to thank the entire team that put this together, all the volunteers, all the staff. Let's thank them. It was phenomenal. It's the first of our annual Bible conference. I can promise you that. Well, one of our speakers there was Dr. Sandra Richter, and I said, "Dr. Richter, you're going to be here anyway. Would you be our mom for Mother's Day?" She said no, but we kind of roped her into it. But look at these qualifications. Guts her PhD at Harvard in Hebrew Bible. She's the chair of the biblical studies department at Westmont College. She's a prolific author of books. Prolific author of books like Epic of Eden. This is phenomenal. It's basically how to understand the whole Bible as one story. Who would like a copy of this book? Anybody? All right, here you go. The rest of you can look on with envy, but you can pay for yours at the bookstore.

But she's also on the New International Version Bible Translation Committee. In other words, she's the smartest person in this room. She's a close friend. She's an awesome mom. Would you give a big TLC welcome to Dr. Sandra Richter?

Thank you so much. Thank you. Good morning, Twin Lakes. It is so good to be here. We had so much fun yesterday. Oh my goodness. Awesome people in the room. Your people? The word "hospitality," I think you might have defined it. So thank you. I've had the honor of knowing your guy, René Schlepfer, and that is a hard name to say in public. Yeah. René and Laurie for a number of years because we worked together up at Redwood Christian Park. And every time that René is on the docket, we go, "Woo-hoo! It's going to be awesome!" And it truly is. And not only is he a phenomenal pastor and entrepreneur, he can chase down toddlers on the main stage. Come on! Who has got that skill set? Hang on to him.

All right. So the deal is I get to preach on Mother's Day. Woo-hoo! It's exciting! And I've got to tell you that even though I've been in this game for a long time, like since I was about 19, preaching, teaching, all that sort of thing, I have never actually preached on Mother's Day before, partly because I was probably that woman who was saying, "It's Mother's Day." But this is my moment. I'm very excited because being a mother honestly is one of the most treasured roles of my life. So thank you for giving me this opportunity.

So the first question, of course, was what to preach. And I actually agonized over that question. And in the course of the last, oh, I don't know, four months, I've taught 200 undergrads, spoken for Preston and Sprinkle a couple of times, done the Point Loma chapel, have been traveling hither and yon working on a new curriculum on Deborah in the book of Judges. I don't usually agonize over what I'm going to speak about. But this one is different. And part of the reason it's different is that unlike telling the great story, which is my job and calling, part of this is telling my story. So let's see how this goes.

Yeah. All right. I want to introduce you to my clan. Here's a picture of my family. Aren't they cute? Yes. That's my guy, Steve, and my precious firstborn, Noel, and my little soulmate, Elise. She doesn't just look like me. She's been blessed with all of my personality as well. Poor child. We will pay for therapy, I promise. And up close and personal, these are the two when they made me a mom. Yeah. And I love this picture. It's what I keep on my screensaver on my computer because no one is thrown up. No one has bitten each other in the last three minutes and their clothes are clean.

Yeah. All right. So what do we do on a mother's day? It would seem normative that we pick a biblical character who also happens to be a mother and tell her story, right? So we could talk about Eve, the archetypal mother of the human race. Her name is Chava. It means life and her greatest gift in this new kingdom that she was to serve as a co-regent with her husband, Adam, was to bring life into this world. She was going to be the mother of all humanity and when she was done being mom, she got to be grandma, which I have on good authority is a pretty good deal. And all that without the stop the world I want to get off, do not tell me you love me right now. Trees of labor and delivery.

Yeah. Or that part where the 16-year-old slams the door in your face and says, "I hate you" thing. Yeah. Or we could talk about Sarah, perhaps. Yeah. The beloved and apparently totally hot wife of our forefather in the faith, Abraham. I love this image, by the way, of all the images that I have of who Sarah might be. Sarah's journey toward motherhood, as you are probably aware, involved decades of infertility. That dragon that has touched many, many people in this room. Empty arms that ached for a child. Complicated by the shame of not being able to produce an heir for her wealthy and influential husband in a very traditional and tribal society.

You might not realize that Sarah actually pursued every medical intervention known to her time in order to procure that prize. But every intervention brought her to the exact same place. A dream that simply wouldn't come. And then in God's abundant grace, the dream did come in the form of one precious only son whose name means laughter. And I'm sure there was a lot of laughter surrounding his birth. Maybe if we have time, some time I'll talk to you about why I'm pretty sure our laughing child was also down. Hmm. We'll come back for that one.

Or we can talk about Rachel and Leah. Yeah? Sisters who, due to their father's deceit, wound up the wives of the same man. Who is that complicated? Yeah? Two women, one man. Two sisters, one husband. Talk about sibling rivalry. And in their scenario, the competition bred jealousy and the jealousy bred bitterness. And that jealousy not only poisoned their relationship, but as you know well, it poisoned the relationship of their children as well. Here's another message, because none of us have ever seen bomb jealousy and how it can fracture the relationship of the children involved.

Or I could have preached on Moses' mother, a woman who risked her life to keep her child alive. Hide him from a society that would slaughter him as an inconvenience, a threat, unwanted, unvalued. And then moving through the process of birth, breastfeeding, sleepless nights. That woman loved that boy enough to allow another woman to raise him. There's a story in there as well. Or we could pause over Deborah. That's who I've been spending my time with these last few months. She's the subject of that new curriculum. This is a very accomplished human being. She's a for sure working mom. No question about that.

Deborah was one of Israel's 12 judges. Do you know that? During the early tribal league, and if you have ever seen two Middle Eastern men go at it, yeah, the fact that she was the judge of that country for over 40 years. Oh my gosh, we are looking at the Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Margaret Thatcher, Madam Secretary, who doesn't want to be Elizabeth McCord. Come on. Of Israel's settlement period, you know what her most renowned title was? Judges chapter five, she was a mother in Israel.

Or should we perhaps jump ahead to Mary, a 15 year old, such astounding character that she was chosen to carry the Christ child. When I think of her, I think of her ancestor, David. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. Mary's outward appearance, obscure, impoverished, first time mom, no experience, teenager. The heart, Mary, a young woman that the creator of the universe knew would give her life for this child. She would disciple this child in the faith, and when it came time to let go, she'd be able to do it.

All of these women from our biblical text are role models. I want you to hear from me that every one of them is a real woman. Each of them believers, each of them struggling with the impossible demands that mothers face on a daily basis. Be it the agonies of infertility or a loveless marriage, an unexpected pregnancy or a disabled child, a child who isn't what you'd hoped they would be, or a relationship with a child that isn't what you'd hoped it would be. And then the always never-ending negotiations and compromises that mothers make on an hourly basis. Yeah?

Does my time today go to hosting the cast party for this year's theater production or resolving the unexpected crisis at my institution? Do I help my eldest with her first job application or do I finish the edits on that overdue article? Do I cook a decent meal for my family and gather around the table at least once this week to eat something that has a little green in it? Or do I entertain my long-suffering TAs who have served me all semester long and are all heading home for the summer? Or do I actually set an hour and a half aside for myself to work out or maybe sleep? What a concept! Yeah.

And guys, that's my world in the last 72 hours. I can only imagine what your world looks like in the last 72 hours. So how did these biblical paragons stay in the game? How do we stay in the game? My answer is by recognizing that what they, we, are doing is not simply raising the next generation, which hello human civilization might be important. Thank you. But in our parenting, we are actively building the kingdom of God. That's what we're doing.

Folks, there might be no more powerful force on this planet than a child raised well, a child who knows the difference between rest and responsibility and knows how to embrace both, a child who knows what it means to be loved and to be disciplined, a child who is actually ready to step into this civilization and make a contribution, partly because they know they have a safety net behind them so that when they make a mistake, it's not all going to crumble to their feet, a child raised well.

Who did God send when his people, the descendants of Abraham, were helplessly enslaved by the empire of Egypt? He sent a baby. And who protected that child against the forces of evil so that he could fulfill his calling? Well, that would be a mother. And who did God send when his New Testament people were helplessly enslaved by the empire of sin, held captive by the curse of death and hell? He sent a baby. And who protected that child against the forces of evil so that he could fulfill his calling? That would be a mother.

Think about that baby for just a moment, conceived out of wedlock to a first time mom with no wealth, no influence, born in a barn to a family of political refugees. Guys, as Andrew Peterson has written, "And point of grace sings so beautifully, that was a labor of love." Yeah. Guys, the task of a mother is not what we do with our spare time. It is not secondary to real work or in any way peripheral to human civilization. It is not restricted to the domestic realm. The I will jump in front of a truck for this tiny human that has been entrusted to me. Love of a mother has changed the course of history countless times.

These moms of the Bible, they raised the prophets, priests, and kings who moved the story forward. And they did that while carrying out their own responsibilities as a homemaker, pastoralist, farmer, prophet, judge, and queen. So I could have preached that sermon. That was a pretty good one, right? Yeah. But I said, "Now I'm going to go another direction." And instead, I landed on this book. Yeah. A book that was given to me in my first few weeks of motherhood.

You know those weeks when you went into with like an exquisitely decorated nursery? It's such a great birth plan. Yeah? Yeah. Those days when you had space in your world to actually work out and keep your little pregnant self all tidy and cute before your water broke, before it was supposed to, when you had clearly watched Jennifer Aniston on Friends, raised that fake baby, Emma, too many times, that baby that never actually cried, did you notice that? That never projectile vomited out of that bassinet into her perfect little apartment? Yeah. Who didn't keep Rachel Green up all night or wind up with the ugliest diaper rash ever known to man because you kind of forgot to bring extra diapers with you when your best invited you out to lunch? I digress.

Okay. The first few weeks of motherhood is when I received this book, when every inch of my body hurts. First, from pushing out a basketball-sized creature through a tunnel designed for tangerines. And then finding out that the only way to keep that little salami with a soul alive was that medieval torture thing they call breastfeeding, right? Yeah, sorry guys, TMI, I know. Okay. It was during that era of profound physical exhaustion and all those beautiful moms up here with their perfect babies, oh, they can feel it aching in their bones. Yes, physical exhaustion, but honestly, confusion as to who am I now? Who am I now?

It was then that one of my besties, and I'm so proud to say the bestie was a male colleague, Dr. Brent Strong of Duke Divinity fame, who gave me this book and the title of the sermon I decided to preach, "The Birth of a Mother." The birth of a mother. Do you like that title? Yeah, I like that title. And I like it because it redirects our attention. And it redirects our attention from the birth of a baby, which is amazing and fabulous, and every church and community and family can celebrate that. And it redirects our attention to the birth of a mother so that we can talk instead about that long neglected, profound psychological and spiritual shift that occurs when a woman becomes a mom.

At the heart of the birth of a mother is an arresting premise, just as a baby develops physically in utero and after birth so a mother is born psychologically in the many months that proceed and follow the birth of her baby. And honestly, I would add, continues to be birthed with every stage through which her child passes. This book promises guidance, which I certainly needed, in a lot of fancy verbiage. As you undergo this unique psychological transformation, you will be guided by new hopes, fears, and priorities. The charting of this remarkable new realm is the subject of this compelling book.

That is a very fancy way of saying that everything you thought you knew about yourself last week just sort of crashed to the ground in a bajillion pieces. And who knows? Who knows what is going to rise out of those ashes? That's what this book is about. And it helped me sort through the new realities of becoming a mother because when my baby was born, I was ushered into a new identity as well. And they don't tell you that and what to expect when you're expecting. Yeah.

So let me tell you a little bit of my story. I was never much of a girly girl. I wasn't terribly domestic and I come from a train wreck of a family. So I might not have been anyone's lead candidate for the task of motherhood. But in my Christian marriage, I so wanted to break the cycle, yeah, of that train wreck and build something better. And honestly, and only in newlywed can get away with saying this without getting laughed out of the room, I wanted to expand our circle of love. Yeah. And I didn't realize that expanding it would involve droodle and exploding diapers. But that's another story.

And honestly, what we had was good and I wanted so much to add more little humans to our world. I think I had counted the cost. I think my motivations were good. All you therapists out there can evaluate me over dinner. Yeah. So we gave it a shot. But the combination of the train wreck family and the PhD slowed things down a bit, which means I found my husband in my 30s, not my 20s, and I had to get past general exams before we could dare to reproduce. Yeah.

So when we finally got to that space where we started trying to make babies, well, we found out we couldn't. Yeah. And again, this has touched so many in this room. But for us, after seven years of wrestling with that thing we call infertility, miraculously, a completely unassisted and unexpected pregnancy took over our world. Our baby shower, it involved a tent. We were so excited. And on the East Coast, a tent is a big deal. Out here you do it all the time. Okay. So there I was in my second year of teaching a high risk mother, because by now the medical people told me I was ancient.

24 hours of labor, a baby that was bigger than I was, TMI again, I know, and all that stuff that's supposed to come naturally, but it doesn't. I had my sweet baby girl, Noel Christiana, so call us finally in my arms, the most amazing Christmas present anybody has ever received. Woo hoo, let's be excited for a second. Yes!

Thank you. But then came the 23, count them, 23 months in which that child did not sleep through the night. The fact that I was the first faculty member in the history of my institution to dare to reproduce and so they hadn't actually written a maternity leave policy yet. And so all those systems that are supposed to be supportive were not exactly supportive. Yeah. So I did mention the train wreck of a family, right? So it was the pediatrician who actually taught me how to put a diaper on my baby. The pictures go on the front, letting you know.

Okay. And then there was the fact that my husband had just started his PhD, so I was the chief breadwinner and sweet Noel. Well, she didn't actually start out so sweet. We called her birth control baby because everyone who met Noel said, "Hmm, maybe we'll wait a little bit longer." But in those weeks and all the weeks to come, I learned some things. A lot of things. I learned that the life altering universe shifting primal love that makes a mother a mother. The attachment that compels you to stay up all night doing everything in your power to comfort a baby with a fever. And when that same baby throws up all over you in your face, in your eyes, in your mouth, you're actually worried about her.

Yeah. The crazy protective instinct that will make a normally mild mannered woman literally jump in front of a moving SUV. True story, jumped in front of a truck for my baby because my sweet little curly headed toddler who was grasping her newly gifted can of flarp. Do you know what flarp is? Flarp is like Play-Doh, but when you stick your finger in it, it comes out with bodily function noises. Kids think it's awesome. So in all of her three year old curly headed cuteness, she dropped her flarp and it went rolling across the Walmart parking lot just as a massive SUV started rolling up the lane. And so there I am, all five foot three of me yelling, "Stop!" Because my baby is in the way.

Yeah, we do that stuff, don't we? The kind of love that I didn't even know existed before is not a love that grows from butterfly kisses and birthday cakes. Rather, it's the kind of love that's birthed of a level of self sacrifice that you didn't even know was possible. You didn't know you were capable of it. Folks, babies do not hug and giggle their way into our hearts. They carve out a bloody hole in our soul. And for the rest of eternity, only they can fill that space. Yeah, moms, you're with me.

The love of a mother is the love that keeps you up till 2 AM making valentines for the third grade party when you are fully aware that the final edits on your book are due at 5 PM on that same tomorrow. The love of a mother will transform a shy and retiring woman into a warrior taking on the entire school board for the sake of her learning disabled child. The love of a mother accomplishes what under other conditions is impossible. And that is to allow someone else to become the center of my universe. It's not about me anymore. It's about her. That's what makes a mother a mother.

So in the words of Stern, Bruce Weiler, and Freeland, being a mother is to live in that condition in which your own soul is not walking about free. And although a mother will not always succeed, she will do everything in her power to protect it. And can I say, can I say that I would trade every degree I've ever earned, every post I've ever filled, every book or article I have ever published for the immense privilege in my life that Noelle and Elise call me mom. Yeah. Amen. Thank you.

So if that is what a mother is, why do we celebrate this holiday with Hallmark cards and candy? Now, can I say to you that if there is candy involved, I'm a fan and I would like the dark chocolate, please. Not opposed. But should we not be celebrating this holiday with purple hearts? Yeah. Although due to our fallen society's tendency to diminish the role of mothers, to expect her to accomplish her mothering in her spare time, our society that grimaces every time a mom with a baby shows up on an airplane or in a restaurant, when our society speaks of stay at home moms in hushed voices and talks about soccer moms and room mothers as though that's a bad thing.

May I make another proposal to you? And this other proposal is that the act of mothering in whatever fashion God has brought mothering into your world is likely the most Christ imitating God honoring activity that humans ever engage in. Remember the words of the Apostle Paul in Philippians chapter 2 verses 5 through 11. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God did not regard being equal with God something to be grasped after, but he emptied himself.

These are Paul's words while he's in prison, likely headed to his death because the entire empire of Rome has commanded him to stop preaching the gospel and he has said no. God will speak of himself as a drink offering. Being poured out for the sake of the kingdom, Paul will speak of his disciples, his children, whom he birthed and raised in the faith at Philippi as the most significant accomplishment of his life. Paul will speak of his sleepless nights and the sacrifice of his career as a Pharisee, the physical injuries to his own body that were necessary to the task of birthing that community at Philippi.

And we will all hear in his voice and in his words, the selflessness of a man on a mission. And then he will compare his sacrifices to the sacrifices of his master and conclude that his sacrifice has been nothing in comparison. And in the midst of all of this, he offers us a hymn. This most beautiful hymn, it's known as the great Christological hymn and most believe that Paul is actually reciting a piece that his audience already knows and using the hymn to illustrate for us what posture the Christian must adopt if we're actually going to imitate our master and change the world.

As the children of God, shining like stars in a broken and perverse generation. Theologically, this hymn embodies some of our most significant declarations as Christians because it speaks of the two natures of Christ, God, and human. Jesus who was in the form of God but also took on human likeness. This hymn speaks of the miracle of the incarnation in which God becomes human and pours himself out for our sakes to rescue us from our own rebellion because this hymn embodies the gospel that God has died for man. And Paul is using this hymn as his teaching moment.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus who though he was in the form of God did not regard being equal with God something to be grasped after but he emptied himself become obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, but at the name of Jesus every knee should bow of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father. This is our story.

And what is the message of this hymn? Well my husband likes to say it this way, the way down is the way up. This is what has been modeled to us by the one whose name we carry. This is who we are called to be as followers of the same. Have this same attitude in yourselves that was in Christ Jesus. Live this posture, Paul says. Bring the kingdom, Paul says. Folks, who in our daily lives embraces this posture more than a mom?

So a word to all of you who have a mom in your world today honor them and the self-sacrificial actions seen and unseen that populate their lives day after day after day. So you in the back row with your black platform combat boots who is absolutely sure that your mother has no idea what's actually going on in this world. Yeah, today I challenge you as the mother of a platform black combat boot kind of girl. Yeah? Put your arms around that woman who birthed you. Look her in the eyes and thank her for putting her life on hold so that your life could begin.

And you over there with the super cool California surfer dude here who is always looking for a way to just eek a little bit more out of that woman you call mom. I challenge you today to figure out what you can do for her today and maybe figure out how you can do that next week and the week after as well. And to all of those whose mom for whatever reason didn't or couldn't rise to the challenge, I'm with you in that space. Please know that the God who loves you can make up for the years that the locust has eaten away.

And the fact that I am still here and not a statistic is evidence of that fact. And I'm going to be praying that the women in this lovely congregation who have mastered the art of mothering will find you and will help heal some of those wounds with the sacred chore of their mothering and help you on the way so that maybe you can change the cycle one day too. And for those who no longer have your moms, I know that today is a day of grieving. Those who had to say goodbye too soon, who still live with the what ifs and a relationship interrupted. May the peace of God which transcends all understanding guard and heal and hold your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. That's also from Philippians.

And lastly to the moms out there. Yeah, some of you are brand new, completely overwhelmed with the task. Oh my gosh, I knew that these seven little pounds of sovereignty could turn a perfectly well organized world into complete chaos. Hang in there. It's going to get better. And to those of you who are in mid journey who are saying, dear God, where's the line between my needs and their needs? How is my marriage ever going to survive this? Will I ever get back to my own dreams? Have this mind in you that was also in Christ Jesus. Stay the course. He is faithful. The way down is the way up. And there is a line in there somewhere. And not only will you find it, husbands, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to help her find it.

But for those of you who can see the first finish line, your emerging adult is sprinting into adulthood and you're like, whoa, I think we're going to make it. Yes. But there are others in this room today. Yeah. Right here, right now with a failed launch. And instead of starting his first job, he's actually starting his third rehab program. And everything you've invested in your life just seems to be crumbling in front of you. So hear me on this, all of you. Your labor is not in vain. He promises us that.

Paul teaches us in Philippians, it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. So let's do everything without complaining or arguing so that we might become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe. Who knew that rabbi was so much of a poet? Guys, mothering is in no way an easy task. But mom's mothering is building the kingdom. It is not a secondary task. It is the task. So happy Mother's Day.