Freedom from Self-Destructive Patterns

Well, good morning, everybody, and welcome to Church Today. My name's René, another one of the pastors here. Who's glad to be in church today? Let me hear it. So beautiful. Man, I love church so much, and I gotta tell you, I kinda always have in my life. Some of you are going, "Well, you picked the right profession," right? But I do, I mean, think about it. Where else can you go to get this quality music and this quality message? And free food, I know this isn't super spiritual, but I'm super stoked about the free food today. I am. We've done it after every single one of our three services. So after the morning service, I called it a breakfast sausage with toast. And after this service, it'll be a hot dog. So I hope you stick around for the fellowship.

So we've been in this series your true purpose about how God has called you to a purpose, and that is to shine his light to the world. And he's got good works for you to do and all kinds of opportunities for you to do that and serve people, stuff people are gonna notice, stuff people aren't gonna notice, all over the world, all the time. Super fun, but today let's talk about some stuff that could possibly distract you, get you off track from your true purpose. And I wanna start with this. Time magazine recently had a special edition called The Science of Addiction. And it was fascinating because here's the way they defined addiction, just sort of generally, as chronic, relapsing behavior in the face of negative consequences. Now look at this. The overwhelming urge to continue something that you know is bad for you.

Now if that's the general definition of addiction, I have definitely experienced it in my life. Who has ever wanted to continue something that you know is bad for you? Has anybody ever felt this way, ever in your life? Well, they talked about how serious this is in this article. They say there's billions of dollars lost every year to businesses and millions of hours of labor lost due to alcohol and drug addiction. Of course, this is big now. It is now claiming one in eight Americans are actually technically a drug or an alcohol addict at this point. Gambling addiction is huge right now. And part of it, it's being promoted by culture. When I watch sports, and I love to watch sports, sometimes I feel like the game is actually interrupting a nonstop infomercial about sports gambling. Do you ever feel like that?

What happened? I told my wife the other day, "How much do you wanna bet that there's gonna be a gambling commercial in the next break," and I won 50 bucks. So gambling addiction, sex addiction. The article said this is now second only to substance abuse addiction in this country. So the Mayo Clinic, the Mayo Clinic last November released a paper on this, and here's a quote from them. Pornography is now well established. They're talking about academic research as the vehicle for sexual addiction. Now that is not some pastor preaching a sermon, that is the renowned Mayo Clinic. Now some of you are going, "That's right, sex gambling booze, preach it, pastor." Hang on.

Because the article also talks about shopping addiction. You ever go into Costco for milk? And come out with two pounds of coffee, a five pack of swimsuits, a couch, new tires, some flip flops, and four new children, and you get home and you realize you forgot the milk, right? Anybody ever experienced something like this? That is not shopping addiction, that's just normal, but this is a real thing that destroys lives. Food addiction. Article says some research suggests food may even be more addictive than drugs. One study found that Oreos, I'm not joking here, light up the dopamine neurons in your brain even more than cocaine. And if that's not your thing, Psychology Today article says, "Are you addicted to anger?" Here's a quote from this article, "Anger can lead to similar dopamine rushes as gambling, cocaine, and meth." And you've probably felt that. Feels good sometimes to be angry. You can get addicted to it apparently, and if none of that hits you, the Atlantic recently had an article about phone addiction.

Listen to this, Anna Lemke just up the peninsula at Stanford, she said, "Just about all of us have a digital drug of choice, and it probably involves using a smartphone, the equivalent of the hypodermic needle for a wired generation." Ouch. So listen, we can all relate to one of these, right? Maybe for you it's just an addiction to negative thinking, to fear. Whatever it is, the question is, we know we got 'em, so how do we stop our self-defeating patterns? I have no idea. So let's just close in a word of prayer. It's hopeless, people. Now let's talk about it, grab your message notes, look like this as we continue our Bible study in the book of Ephesians. We're in chapters, chapter five, verses one through 20 today. Grab your Bibles, this is a great way to follow along. There's Bibles in the pews in front of you. Bring your own, look at the Bible app, and also of course a lot of Bible verses are right there in your notes. And you can get those if you're joining us live stream at TLC.org/notes.

Now, just a heads up, warning, Surgeon General warning label on this passage. As you've probably guessed, this part of the Bible deals with sex and drugs and booze and rock and roll basically, and it says not to do it, right? To excess, and so, or at all in some cases. So you know, there's a lot of don'ts in this passage. And so I anticipate some of the reactions can be here it comes, judgmental preaching, I hate this, or it's about time, judgmental preaching, I love this, finally. Or, I already know I have problems, this is just making me feel worse. And I totally get all of these responses. So let me just encourage you, if you let these verses in the Bible do what the Apostle Paul who wrote these 2000 years ago, if you let these verses do what he intended them to do, you are going to find these verses super liberating for you because there may be something to which you are addicted, to which you are enslaved, some besetting sin in your life.

The key is when you approach Bible passages like this, this is the key and this is what a lot of people can't do. So let me just challenge you to do this. Let God speak through these verses to you, not to the other person, to you. This is not about the person sitting down the pew from you. This is not about the people that you might see on the news. This is not even about me telling you what to do with your own life. This is about you being open to what the Spirit of God has to say to you today. Are you open to that? If you are, I think you will find these verses riveting and very, very compelling.

So let's start in Ephesians 5:1. Be imitators of God therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Look at all the ways he says love here, love, love, loved. Let me just tell you something. You could forget everything else that I'm about to say today and do nothing but focus on living a life of love and you'd have all the rest covered. Jesus said love God, love others on these two things, hinge the whole law on the prophets. And most importantly, remember Christ loves us and that's why he wants you to have freedom from these common self-destructive patterns.

And Paul talks about four things in here. This is not an exhaustive list, but it's kind of the four things that people struggled with the most back then and guess what, this list 2,000 years ago, it's basically the same list as we would have today. That's the same list that we just saw on Time Magazine, right? He says number one, I wanna talk about abusing sex. And I say abusing sex because sex is God's gift. It was God's idea. God thought it up. God is pro sex. I'm kind of waiting for my wife to applaud right now, but I... But listen, like any gift, sex can be misused, right? Outside of God's boundaries in faithful marriage, it can cause so much hurt and so much harm to society in general.

So this is why Paul says, but among you, I don't want you to miss that, among you. Paul's not judging the world. Christians love to point fingers. Paul is not saying, you know, you bad people out there. Paul's like the world's gonna do what the world's gonna do, but you are different. But among you, there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality. And it's interesting, in the original Greek in which this was written, the sexual immorality is one word, porneia, from which we get our English words, porn and pornography, or of any kind of impurity. So why am I supposed to stay away from sexual immorality? So God will love me more and finally bless me? No, because you're already dearly loved, unconditionally and eternally by God. That's just why God is very clear in his word about sexual boundaries. Why? Because God is anti-sex? No, because God is pro you. God's pro you. And he doesn't want you to be hurt.

And of course, please understand, if you've made mistakes in this area, and can I just say, who hasn't? At some level, either in acting out or thinking out, there is forgiveness. Of course there's forgiveness. But guess what else? You don't have to keep making those same mistakes over and over and over. There can also be freedom. Now Paul takes just half a sentence on this, which seems to fascinate us, right? And then he moves very quickly onto something else, abusing stuff. And this is the rest of the sentence in verse three. Or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Now the Greek word for greed there is plaonexia, which literally means the continual lust for more. Kind of a grasping. Need more.

Somebody once asked John D. Rockefeller, who was the richest man on the entire planet at the time, still working 70 to 80 hour weeks. Mr. Rockefeller, how much is enough? And his answer was classic. Just a little bit more. That's plaonexia. And we can all have that attitude, which is why it's so wise of Paul to just define this here generally. Paul does not say, so it is wrong for you to be making this much money, or it's wrong for you to be possessing that thing. That would be legalism. He says, stay away from that attitude of always needing a little bit more. Why? Well, I refer you back to that Time Magazine article. It can lead to shopping addiction, workaholism, gambling addiction, just constantly grinding your teeth at somebody else's curated, perfect Instagram life. Just so much unhappiness.

And then 30 talks about something else that applies to all of us, abusing speech. Verse four, nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather, Thanksgiving. So three words he uses there to talk about, talk. Upsenity, literally cussing. Next, foolish talk. The word in Greek is interesting to me. It's morologia. Logia is from the Greek word for speech. And moro is the Greek word from which we get our English word, moron. And so he's literally saying, moron talk. He's saying, don't talk like a fool, right? And next, coarse joking. That doesn't mean just normal jokes or stories. It's when like every other word is just laden within you endo and pauses, stay away from these things. Why? Because they're out of place for you. Because remember who you are. You're a child of the king. You are a co-heir with Christ. You're like cosmic royalty.

You know, can you imagine, say, Queen Elizabeth, back in her day, sitting on her throne and she's about to address Parliament and she adjusts her glasses and she opens the binder that contains her speech and she says, "Him, members of Parliament, you friggin' snazin' blazin' bleepers," and lets out with a string of curse words. You'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's completely out of place, Queen Elizabeth. And Paul's saying, don't you understand that's exactly the same thing for you. And you're a child of the king, beloved of God. These things are out of place for you. Now, I'm gonna skip down to verse 18 for Paul's fourth thing here for just a quick minute and then I'm gonna circle back. Verse 18, Paul talks about abusing substances. "Don't get drunk," he says, "on wine." And the same principle of intoxication applies to any substance, obviously, which leads to debauchery because intoxication leads to a lack of inhibition which leads to bad decisions. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Let God control you and not some chemical.

Okay, now, circle back to verse five. This is really an interesting verse here. I wonder what your reaction to this verse is gonna be. "For of this you can be sure no immoral, impure, or greedy person," such a person as an idolater, "has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." What? I mean, if you're like me and most people, you're looking at this sentence and you're saying, "Well, I mean I'm not perfectly pure," right? "And there's times I can be greedy." So are you saying, "I don't have any inheritance." I'm not going to hell. God doesn't love me anymore. No, of course you're not perfectly pure. No one is. So then what does this verse mean? Well, there were two huge dangers to the early Christian movement, this baby movement of Jesus' followers, license. And these were teachers, leaders of the house churches who actually taught we have a license to just do whatever we want to do. Because we're saved by grace, right? We're always forgiven.

In fact, the more they taught, the more you sin, the more you give God a chance to do his thing, right? God gets to show up because if you're a super bad sinner, then he has a chance to show grace. So let's all sin. That was a real thing. And here Paul is warning against these cult leaders. Look at the next verse. Let no one deceive you with empty words. In other words, these false teachings. For because of such things, God's wrath comes upon those who are disobedient. These teachers and their movements, they won't last. God is gonna shut them down. I mean, you see that with cult leaders even to this day. Therefore, do not be partners with them. These movements are not going anywhere good.

Now, these days, you might not hear a pastor justifying sin, but there are plenty of influencers who do. So don't listen. Don't let people who justify self-destructive behavior philosophically influence you. He's saying, "It's not going anywhere good." Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. Valerie's going, "Oh no." But I had a professional commercial fisherman come up to me after the last service. And he said, "You know the way I interpret this in fishermen?" He said, "Paul's just saying it's gonna bite you in the butt." And that's exactly what that means. Okay, so you may be thinking, "Great, I got a list of things to stop. And I feel super terrible right now because sometimes I have a potty mouth." You might be thinking, "Or sometimes I do stuff I know I shouldn't do. And sometimes I look at stuff I know I shouldn't." So I just feel guilty right now. Listen, first of all, let me assure you, this stuff is in the Bible because these are very common struggles, right? There's a reason the Bible does not say, "Thou shalt breathe." 'Cause everybody does that without needing to be commanded.

But these things are in the Bible because God has to say something about it, right? People struggle with these things. These are universal struggles. So great, how do I actually stop this stuff? Well, here's where it gets tricky. And here's where the text gets surprising. Remember, I said that one danger back there was license, but there was a second danger, legalism. And legalism means that some other teachers pushed back so hard against those teachers who taught license that they said, "No, what defines a Christian is perfect obedience to the religious law." And that's why it's called legalism. It's a focus on the laws, on the rules, on the don'ts. And I cannot tell you how many people have told me they left their child of faith because of that kind of religion.

And this is the kind of religion actually that the Apostle Paul and the Bible, Jesus actually talks much, 10 times more against this than against this. Of course, they speak against this too. But this they see as an even bigger danger, why? Well, because religious people tend to be drawn to legalism and legalism drains your joy. Legalism perverts the gospel of Jesus to just try harder, to be better. Legalism actually doesn't break addictions. It just feeds another addiction. The addiction of religion, which is an addiction to always being right, the addiction to judging other people, the addiction to self-righteousness, right? It feeds that, the addiction to judging. And finally, worst of all, legalism doesn't even work. You know why? Because whatever gets your focus gets you.

For example, if you think, I will not think of a pink elephant, you will think of one, right? Earlier when I talked about Oreos, some of you have been craving one ever since. You've not listened to a thing I've said. But it's the same thing with anything you're trying to change. If you focus on like, I will not smoke, I will not smoke, I will not smoke, you're still thinking about smoking, right? You can't stop that way. This is why the gospel never just says, don't do something. The gospel always replaces the negative with a positive. Let me repeat that. The gospel never says, don't do something. The gospel replaces the negative with a positive. And if you don't get this, which I didn't get probably all through my teenage years growing up in church, did not get this.

And what happens is this part of the Bible and parts of the Bible that are like this that talk about the things that God warns us against, it can sound just like a just say no to drugs commercial. Do you remember those? But you know, the Bible is not a just say no to drugs commercial or a just say no to sex or just say no to greed or just say no to cussing. The Bible is a just say yes to Jesus commercial. You know, let me just pet peeve here. You hear people sometimes look at all the sin and the wildness and the out of control consequences in the world and they say things like, what we need is a purity culture or what we need is a values driven culture. No, what we need is a Jesus culture.

And this is exactly where Paul goes. Paul talks about license, but then he deftly side steps the dangers of legalism and goes somewhere kind of unexpected here. Don't miss this. Three short sentences, three verses on the things he's warning us against and the whole rest of this section of scripture gets very deep because it's about this, the actual Christian way to approach these things, which is not the legalistic way. He gives you four ways to replace self-destructive patterns with new patterns. He is not just telling you don't do fun stuff. You know, he's showing you how to retrain your brain. Say this short sentence out loud with me. Retrain your brain. Say it again. Retrain your brain. That is what he's doing for the whole rest of this passage.

How do I retrain my brain? Well, number one, before I else, I need to remember who I am all the time. In God's eyes, Paul says, verse eight, for you were once darkness, but now you are light. Say I am light. Say it. I am light in the Lord. So live as children of light. That is who you are. You know, if you think you're scum, you're gonna act like scum. But you're light, right? For the fruit of the light, he goes on to say, consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth and find out what pleases the Lord. Paul's concerned about the reputation of Christians. Paul wants Christians to be people who, when people brush up against us or hear about us, we're different. We're light, we're good, we're loving people.

You know, somebody once said, there's three ways that Christians usually interface with the world, with culture. We can be disengaged and just kind of cocoon and withdraw from the world, going to our own little kind of fortress monastery, right? Or we can be assimilated and just blend in, become exactly like our culture. Or we can be antagonistic, always on the war path, always fighting, always angry, always seeing everybody else as our enemy. But I would say these three things are really unfulfilling and inadequate responses to our culture. Well, is there an alternative to these three things? Well, how about the word that Paul uses, illuminating. You could define this as slow, differentiated influence. We can be different and yet also be there for our communities, holding out the light of Jesus and slowly make an influence.

Now, I was thinking about it. I think these first three inadequate responses are all due to insecurity. We're insecure and afraid of what's happening in the world, so we disengage and cocoon behind our fortress walls. Or we're insecure about our worth, so we blend in to be accepted. Or we feel insecure and threatened, and so we get mad and aggressive. But if I know who I am, I'm a child of the king, and I know who God is, he is in control, he is a God of love, God's kingdom will come, then I'm secure and I can relax and we can live as children of light. Say that out loud with me. Live as children of light. He goes on, "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness." They're fruitless, they're pointless, they don't get you anywhere, but rather expose them.

Now watch this, "For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret." It's astonishing to me how many pastors go into graphic detail about sin when they preach on this passage. Oh, let's spend 20 good minutes describing the lascivious temple orgies of the temple of Artemis in Ephesus, oh yeah, and the wildness of current sinful culture. Hey, back in verse three when Paul said, "But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality." That's it, half a sentence. In Greek it's 12 words, and that's enough. We do not have to go into lurid detail. Listen, in my observation, a lot of Christians actually think more about sin than they do about Jesus. And not even necessarily because they're tempted by sin. They may be repulsed by sin, but either way, they're focused on sin.

You know, a friend was saying to me yesterday, "Have you noticed, René, you cannot look in two directions at once? You're either focused on Jesus or something else, politics, the culture war, the immorality of our world. What are you focused, what are you thinking about? Don't get distracted." Now some of you might be saying, but in this verse he says, "Expose the deeds of the darkness," but he also says, "Do not even mention them." So which is it? Do I expose them or do I ignore them? Well, you don't talk about what others do, you talk about you. You talk about your stuff. You expose your struggles, you get honest, you get real. And that's retrain your brain, number two, I need to reveal my struggle, verse 14. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, everything that's illuminated becomes a light.

And this is why it is said, "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you." There's a phrase in recovery, "You're only as sick as your secrets." So you kind of shine a light. Now this does not mean just vomit your confession all over everybody, right? Find a trusted friend, find a recovery group, but what's the one thing in your life, maybe the one struggle you don't want anyone else to know about? That's not the place God wants to condemn you, that's the place where God wants to give you an extra measure of grace. And then there's a third way to retrain your brain, focus on my purpose. He says in verse 15, "Be very careful than how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." The worst thing about sin is that it's such a waste of time.

Think about the purpose that you've got. Researchers have linked a sense of purpose to less depression, less binge drinking, less drug abuse, healthier habits in general, and higher life satisfaction, because I know I've got a purpose in life. You say, "Well, that's great, do not be foolish," the Bible says here, Paul says, "So understand what the Lord's will is, live on purpose." You might be thinking, "Yeah, I'd love to know what the Lord's will is. How do I find it? Do I have to hear a voice? Do I have to get a vision, a dream, feel something inside? If I knew what the Lord's will is for my life, I'd do it and that'd probably keep me out of trouble if I knew I'm on a mission from God." Well, you know what, how about reading the Bible? Like 1 Corinthians 15, for example, says, "Give thanks in all circumstances. This is God's will for you." There it is in black and white.

Or 1 Peter 2:15, "It's God's will that by doing good, you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people, not by yelling back at them. By doing good, that will give you slow, differentiated influence." Personally, I'm convinced, listen, if we just spent our time pursuing what is specifically in the Bible as God's will for your life, you're gonna be just fine. And then Paul gives a very practical tip. Speak to one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Music sets the soundtrack to your attitude. This is why we spend half of our morning service in music and half in teaching. That's how important music is. And don't miss this phrase, "To one another. Stay in community." And then there's a final way to retrain your brain, refuel with gratitude.

He says, "Always giving thanks to the Lord. Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything." Gratitude is a massive key to overcoming addiction. I need to find joy in what I have, not in what I want. Because listen, every single self-destructive behavior has at its root a grasping for something more. And conscious, deliberate, purposeful thankfulness is an antidote to that. Replace grasping with gratitude. This is how you retrain your brain. Now some of you might be going, "Yeah, but does it actually work? Is this just kind of like Sunday School propaganda?" Well, I want to bring this in for a landing with a three-minute faith story that illustrates every single one of these things.

About two years ago, Jeannie Pierce here in Santa Cruz was spiraling into a deep pit of grief fueled by alcohol. She was downing about a quart of vodka a day. And here's her story. My story starts with my husband dying in 2018 from stage four cancer. My husband's name was Jodi. We were together for 31 years. He was the most kind, wonderful human being I've ever met. He was diagnosed in 2014 with stage four cancer. They did some surgery and said, "You have two weeks to live." We had three and a half wonderful years after that that he lived. He was baptized right before he passed. But even at that time, I myself was not a Christian. I had stopped going to church altogether. And after he passed is when my drinking just got really, really out of control.

I don't remember who mentioned or how I read it or saw it, but somebody talked about Griefshare, the Griefshare group at Twin Lakes. And so finally a year after he passed, even as I was drinking, I decided to give it a go. And these people understood grief. They understood how I was suffering 'cause they were suffering too. Because of Griefshare, I was also led to the beloved women's recovery group. This particular recovery program is for all addictions, alcohol, drugs, eating disorder, any type of addiction that you've had. And it's an all women's group. Somebody did mention that to me. Of course, I didn't have a drinking problem. I'm not an alcoholic. I said, "Ah, I'll give it a day or two." And I went once and then I went twice and realized, "Hmm, I could say that I'm an alcoholic and I am now two years sober."

Both of those things, by the way, led me back to church. That's when I finally accepted the Lord as my savior. I remember I was in church. It was one night, 6 p.m. I don't remember the date, but I think we were singing. It was before your sermon, René, and they were singing and I just felt the Holy Spirit. I could not deny how much my Lord loved me and that was it. I said, "I'm there. I'm yours. I give up." I went from grief share to beloved, to church, to fighting my savior. And every single person in this community of Twin Lakes is my family and each and every one has just mirrored God in such an incredible way to me, God's love for me. I can't wait to see what else he has planned for me. Every single day realizing there are other things that are planned for me. I can't do them if I'm drinking. I just can't. It sounds strange. I've said this to other people and it may sound really strange. I don't know where I would be if he was still alive. In his death is how I finally stopped running from God and found my Lord.

Isn't that beautiful? And by the way, Jeannie is being baptized here at our next baptism, July 30th. Isn't that exciting? But I wanted you to see that so that you could know there is hope for you too. You know, this isn't, as I said at the beginning, this isn't about the other person down the road from you. This isn't about somebody that you see on the news. This is about what the Holy Spirit of God is saying to you right now. You know, what has to go for you to grow in any of these areas we've discussed or maybe the Spirit's showing you something else? The big idea is not try harder. The big idea is Jesus is your savior. Even from that thing, he can save you, Jesus can. Remember the verse we started with, you are a dearly loved child. He loves you so much. And so he's gonna empower you to escape that and live a life of love because he loved you and he gave his life as a sacrifice for you. But it all starts with that act of surrender to God. And I'd love to pray for you right now. Let's bow our heads in a word of prayer.

Lord, I just wanna ask that you would help each person in this room to just live as a child of light. But especially I wanna pray for people who today are in the struggle. I ask for a special blessing on them that they would know that there is hope, that they would get help. And maybe for the first time today, like Jeannie talked about, they can say, "Okay, Lord, take me, I'm yours, I surrender to you." Most of all, God, help us to focus not on the don'ts, but on you to focus on you, Jesus. Your grace lavished on us. When we know how much we're loved, that's when we are inspired to live a life of love. And we pray this in Jesus' name, amen.

We're gonna close our service today by taking communion. As we do on the first weekend of every month, you received the cup with the juice on one side and the bread on the other. You can prepare that now, you can prepare your communion at home. And what I'd love to do is to just take some time for reflection. I asked Elizabeth to sing us one of her songs, and then in a moment I'll lead us in partaking together. But let the spirit of Jesus speak to your heart right now. Let's got to go so you can grow. Jesus can save you from that and give you the power to change.