Handling Regrets

Well good morning. As I said this weekend we are continuing our series one month to live, a series about how it really does happen in a blink. So how can you live your life to the fullest? And I want you right now to take out the message notes that look like this. They're in the middle of the bulletins that you were handed as you came in.

And while you're getting those message notes out, in honor of the fact that we do have that big football game happening this weekend, I just kind of want to start out with some great football quotes. Former college and pro great football players and coaches. You know you talk in front of a microphone long enough and you're gonna put your foot in your mouth occasionally. I love these football quotes. Like former New Orleans Saints running back George Rogers who said, "I'd like to rush for a thousand or fifteen hundred yards whichever comes first." Now I haven't been in a math class for a while but I think, okay, how about William refrigerator Perry who said quote, "I've been big ever since I was little." It's scary but that actually makes some sense to me.

Alright I always got to put a 49er in there. What about the Niners own former great wide receiver Jerry Rice who once said, "I feel like I'm the best but you're not gonna get me to say that." You got us there Jerry. Alright one of the greats Joe Theismann, ESPN guy and former NFL quarterback said, "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann is suddenly from the Bronx. I don't know but alright two more. Former Houston head coach Bill Peterson who said, "Alright you guys line up alphabetically by height." And finally Bill Peterson also had these inspirational comments, "Men I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only. Super Bowl."

Hey quick show of hands, how many of you've ever regretted something that came out of your mouth? Can I see a show of hands? Alright it's universal. Well this morning we want to talk about handling those kinds of regrets because the truth is you know how in sports games like after the games over they put together a highlight reel of all the great catches and throws and runs and defensive stands in a game. Well sometimes we put together highlight reels of our lives like great memories but some of you have put together blooper reels of the times that you messed up in life.

Every day at the end of the day you run your blooper reel and lying awake in bed at night you ask yourself why did I say that to that person? Why do I always put my foot in my mouth? Why did I make that dumb move at work? Or maybe it's not just what you did that day it's the really stupid mistakes you've made in your life. Those cringe moments that when you run that reel when you're when you're alone and you're driving you catch yourself actually cringing as you replay the bloopers of your life and you just kind of go oh why am I such an idiot? How do you handle those regrets?

It's pertinent to this series One Month to Live somebody told me René if I am honest if I had one month to live he told me I've heard everybody else talking how it's motivated them to think about their bucket list like the things that I would do if I had a chance to do them. He said I know I wouldn't be thinking of my bucket list. He said René I'd be thinking of my regret list. He said if a doctor honestly gave me one month to live I wouldn't be inspired. He said I'd be immediately depressed about all the wrong choices I made in life. What about you? What regrets do you struggle with? What regrets have a hold on your imagination at times even now?

Well this morning we're gonna look at the Apostle Peter because there was a time in his life when he thought God could never use him again where he was crippled with regrets. Here's the story Jesus Christ had told Simon Peter that he was going to be the rock. He was going to be a foundation of the church. He was going to be a great leader. In fact to make the point stick Jesus even changed his name from Simon to Peter which means the rock and he said you are the first round draft pick that I'm gonna build the whole team around.

Much like Aaron Rodgers could have been for the Niners but I'm not gonna regret that but anyway moving on Peter is thinking yeah first round draft pick that's me and it apparently kind of goes to his head because he starts pridefully saying things and doing things and putting his foot in his mouth and it gets progressively worse until finally it sort of reaches this horrible crescendo on the night that Jesus Christ was betrayed.

You remember what happened? He gathered his disciples in the upper room for the Last Supper and he says guys I gotta tell you something tonight you are all going to fall away and you see that eventually what he gets to what he wants to say to these guys is but I am praying for you and although you all fall I still consider your friends and I love you and I'm praying for you and I'll be back but before he can get to that part Peter interrupts him and he says excuse me you just said we're all gonna fall away Peter said not me he says you may be right about all these other guys in fact I'm not too sure about them myself you're right they probably all are gonna fall away but don't you remember I'm Peter I'm not Simon anymore I'm the first round draft pick I'm gonna step up to the plate I will stick with you till the bitter end in fact Jesus I'll promise you this I will.

He stands up at the dinner the Bible says and says I will die with you if I have to I'm Peter on the rock and probably thumps his chest a little bit at least emotionally and Jesus looks at Peter and says Peter let me tell you something before the rooster crows this morning in other words before before the alarm goes off this morning you will have denied me not once not twice three times Peter goes ink can happen but that's exactly what happened and the rooster crows that morning and look at Luke 22 the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Jesus is being tortured horribly by the Roman guards in preparation for his crucifixion Peter has just denied him the third time which we'll see him just a minute the rooster crows and it says Jesus turned and looked straight at Peter and then Peter remember the word the Lord had spoken to him before the rooster crows today you'll disown me three times and he went outside and wept bitterly.

Now that's a picture of deep regret and I've been there weeping bitterly over some stupid move I made or even some betrayal of what I believe to be my core values why did I do that how could I have even thought that weeping bitterly with regret and some of you are right there this morning some of you were right there last night but you got to hear this I believe that Jesus is here he said wherever two or three or more gathered there I am in the midst of them in a spiritual sense he's here and he is looking straight at you like he looked at Peter and he sees the failure and the regret and the guilt and the shame and he says to you this morning I still have a plan for you I still have forgiveness for you because I'm the god of the second chance because I'm the god of grace.

I want us to look at three keys to handling regrets from this story of Peter in the Gospels three things that I want you to learn from his life that'll really help you to begin again to deal productively with past regrets instead of just letting them haunt you and number one jot this down there in your notes is this learn from your mistakes learn from your mistakes in fact I'll say just learn from mistakes because everybody fails in life right so we have to learn from our failures even better though is to learn from somebody else's mistakes just learn from mistakes since there's so many around us all the time.

I got an email last week as a demonstration of this it was titled stupid stuff people do and it had a bunch of pictures attached. I want to show you a few of these now some of these I totally relate to like this one driving off with stuff on the roof of your car show of hands how many of you ever done this you've driven off with stuff look at that I love this look at this picture there it is coffee and groceries and what I love is that the purses up there how did that happen they had to go let's see let me get my keys out okay and the purse goes on the roof and we're off and away they went but I want you to learn from this mistake like this one a guy in the back of this pickup truck to hold down the mattresses well we didn't have any bungee cords so I did the next best thing don't do this yet this kind of thing seems common.

How about this guy in the truck holding the boxes on hey we're saving money on rope learn from this and then there's the opposite look at this picture that must be one heavy box don't do that how about this one well the sign said drive here to launch boat don't do that learn from that okay learn from others mistakes and finally go team go Oh team og how many of you feel encouraged about yourself being in church today somehow you don't feel so stupid anymore good but the truth is we all do stupid stuff and we need to learn from other people's mistakes and that's why other people's mistakes are in the Bible so let's learn from Peter's errors three common stumbling blocks specifically in Peter's story first there's pride Simon Peter says Jesus as we saw everyone else may stumble but I will not.

Now do you ever do this do I ever do this I saw a fascinating stat this week that 85% of all drivers in America consider themselves above average that explains a lot doesn't it? Now of course this can't be true by the numbers but that's the problem everyone else will have an accident but I will not and that was the case with Peter so learn a lesson pride often becomes comes before fall then second common stumbling block is fatigue fatigue after the dinner the night Jesus is betrayed they go at night to a beautiful garden a garden of Gethsemane and Jesus asks his closest disciples and friends to stay with him awake you know because he's praying and he knows what's about to happen he needs support but they keep falling asleep and he says couldn't you stay awake from me with me for just one hour I have to I can't be too judgmental of these guys because they had this huge meal they're full it's late they're in a nice setting and they're exhausted so they conk out but often this predicates failure we just get fatigued.

Learn from this learn from the times that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak in those moments watch out and then the third common stumbling block I see in Peter's story peer pressure peer pressure after Jesus is arrested he's taken down into the city of Jerusalem for a trial and it says Peter followed him at a distance and it says then this is Peters big mistake here Peter sat with the guards and warmed himself at the fire bad choice.

The Bible says somebody hears Peter's accent and realizes he's from Galilee because he has a northern accent just like Jesus Christ had that same accent that's a fascinating detail isn't it about Jesus and about Peter but the guards say hey you talk like him aren't you one of this man's disciples Peter says no and somebody else goes no I think I saw you with him aren't you one of this it's up no and then a third time somebody goes yes you are you're one of his disciples and this time it says he swore with an oath I do not know that man.

Now we don't know if it was an oath like you know by the throne of heaven or if it was an oath like a fisherman's curse word but it's somehow or another it's you know not for family viewing it's R rated a he goes by bleepity bleep do not know him and the rooster crows and he catches Jesus's glance and he weeps bitterly. Now maybe you can relate to this maybe you experience this kind of peer pressure as a student in high school or at Cabrio or at UCSC or maybe at work wherever you work you know HP or Apple or the fire station or the county or UCSC there's there's peer pressure in some workplaces in America against identifying yourself with Jesus but I think the peer pressure here that all of us feel is beyond that it's what I might call societal peer pressure sort of the opinion of the majority pressure in subtle ways through the media the movies MTV or whatever.

Learn a lesson from this in fact look at this list I would say that I see these factors in nearly every moral failure pride it could never happen to me I just this week heard about another man of God a pastor that I looked up to for years almost was a role model for me as a child and I just heard that about six months or so ago he fell himself and I thought wow it really can happen to anyone never say a whole fall away but I will not I'm an above average driver pride watch it and fatigue and then just societal pressure.

Now I have to ask you a question do you think Peter learned from his own mistakes? Here's an experiment for you this is just kind of like extra bonus stuff that I think will intrigue you you know there's a book Peter wrote the book of first Peter in the Bible this week read through its very short book read it in a modern translation and I think you'll be fascinated read it with the denial Peter's denial of Christ in mind his big bad moment that he could have regretted and then read first Peter with that in mind I think you'll be fascinated at the number of times that Peter warns over and over against the very weaknesses he himself fell into.

Now maybe you can relate to one of these factors maybe for you it's something else that caused you to have regrets but whatever it is I sincerely believe that God went ahead of you and brought you here today to say to you I love you and he's inviting you to come back and that's point two from Peter's story you can let go of the guilt you can let go of the guilt.

You know one day a few years ago it was a Thursday and a man showed up here at church absolutely drunk several sheets to the wind in fact he was so drunk he didn't even realize it wasn't the weekend and he came in how come churches and open and where's the pastors and he finally found a pastor why did he show up like that what was he looking for? Well I'll let him tell you because he emailed me and his email is one of my little trophies of grace and it really kind of chokes me up because I think so many of us can relate to this only he had to happen in very dramatic fashion.

Dear René, I'm a recovering alcoholic I have about ten and a half months sobriety now and right now that's a record for me. Now listen to this about ten or eleven months ago I really did not want to return to church see I'd done very well for some time and I'll keep his anonymity but it was somebody who was who'd gotten really involved in church and was really kind of looked up to for some as a role model but then I relapsed he writes over and over again I did not want to return because I did not feel I was worthy even if I did get sober again I thought that returning to my whole lifestyle so many times had made me a non-christian.

And one day in one of my drunken episodes something inspired me to go to Twin Lakes Church well it turned out it was during one of the weekdays I was embarrassed then and I still am embarrassed that I arrived on the church property in a drunken condition but I found a pastor to talk to I told him how I felt about going off the path so many times after having been in leadership I felt unworthy of God's love that he must not want me back ever.

Well this pastor read the passage in the Bible where Paul says why do I do the things that I know I should not do it just about blew me away when I heard those words of Paul because I'd always thought that he'd let the perfect Christian life even Christians have regrets I suddenly felt so uplifted suddenly I became convinced Wow God still loves me a couple of days later I got sober and I've been sober ever since.

You see what he discovered was that your tempter and my tempter has really two ends in mind number one of course he wants to get you to fall but number two once you fall he wants you to get you to feel so much shame that you put yourself on the shelf and feel like God could never want me back and I think that's exactly where Peter was.

Watch this study his story and I think you'll understand after Christ rises from the dead do you remember there's an angel at the empty tomb and look at what the angel says in Mark 16:7 but go tell his disciples and Peter that he's going ahead of you up into Galilee there you'll see him just as he told you. I want you to underline or circle those two words and Peter two of the most important words in the New Testament. Why do you think God had the angel include Peter's name individually? Because he knew that Peter basically felt like this guy in this email that Peter just had crippling regrets and God says to the angel hey I want you to take this message but I want you to make sure they don't just tell the disciples but make sure they find Peter and tell Peter because I still have a plan for Peter.

I believe with all my heart that some of you need to hear the voice of God right now because you're so down and you're thinking this is for everybody but me this is God's message for believers this is God's message for good Christians but this is God's message yes for believers and and if you were able to hear his voice in your heart he would say and Mary and Kathy and Bob and Ray and Jim whatever your name is hear him say and you because he doesn't want your shelved with this sense of God could never ever use me again.

Well Peter gets the message but apparently finds it hard to believe in fact the Bible says he goes back home and goes back to his old way of life he goes back to fishing hadn't fished in a long time but he literally says let's let's go fishing when you feel like your failures make it impossible for you to be used by God you tend to go back to your old life.

Peter was so sure that he would be put on the shelf by God that he puts himself on the shelf but Jesus shows up and takes him off the shelf and puts him back in circulation it's such a great story Peter and John and the guys are fishing how many fishermen here can I see a show of hands anybody love love to fish then you can relate to this because the risen Jesus I think kind of almost joking knowing how irritating it can be to a fisherman to hear this question calls out from the shore hey boys what'd you catch catch anything today and Peter can't make out who it is and so he just yells back no and then Jesus says I got an idea try throwing your net on the other side of the boat and I think Peter's heart kind of starts beating a little bit faster because Jesus said that exact same thing when Peter was first called three years before and Peter goes could it be and he goes guys guys guys throw the net on the other side I know it sounds crazy but you remember what happened three years ago so they put their net on the other side and instantly whoa fish rush into the net.

I can imagine the boat being tugged in fact the author of the gospel of John says later that we personally counted them and there were a hundred and fifty three fish in the net when Peter shouts it's the Lord and he jumps into the leg and he swims for sure and when he gets there Jesus is cooking breakfast for the guys which I always thought was such an awesome detail that they never seem to put in any of the movies Jesus Christ back from the dead cooking breakfast what a great picture.

Now you know details are not there in the Bible by accident the Bible is the inspired Word of God so why do you think that funny detail is in the Bible? This is so important because when you've fallen how do you imagine the posture of God toes tapping arms folded head shaking back and forth like this like what were you thinking? Well what was the posture of God after all these guys had failed and Peter had denied Jesus three times while Jesus was being tortured within sight that's pretty bad what's the posture of God he's cooking breakfast he says I see you haven't cut fish have some fish have some breakfast I got something ready for you.

It's pretty powerful because that's grace Jesus finds Peter in his sullen all night I want to forget about my life it was all a waste fishing mode and he says that's all right let me cook some breakfast for you and then Jesus says Peter you and I need to talk let's go for a walk and I'm sure in that moment Peter thought oh here he comes hammer is gonna drop now you know I'm gonna get fired now for sure or worse he's the Messiah I'm going to hell I just know it.

Ever felt like that? And then of all the things Jesus could have said I mean of all the things that Peter must have been anticipating I'm sure he never could have expected what came out of Jesus's mouth next because Jesus does not say Peter seriously what were you thinking he doesn't say you left me twisting in the wind how do you think that felt he doesn't say I told you did I not tell you did I not say rooster crows denial three times why I knew it he says Peter do you love me and the Bible says even Peter's taken aback by this question but I love that that's the question that God has for you and me when we fall.

Jesus doesn't even say yeah you want your job back he doesn't say I wonder if I should still invest in you he doesn't just say Peter you know are you gonna disappoint me again Peter unit can you please rise to my expectations of you that's never the question for God the question for God is never should he still love you because he never stops loving you for God the only question is do you love him.

That's always God's question isn't it kind of amazing that this should be the main concern of the Almighty God but it's because there's only one thing in the universe that God doesn't have unless you give it to him and that's your love right and God cares about that and he wants to reestablish a relationship with you and so he asks do you love me you know I love you do you love me and Jesus asks him this again and then again and then the Bible says Jesus asked Peter a third time do you love me and Peter said hard you know all things you know I love you like you know my heart I know I'm not acting like it but I love you and then Jesus says feed my sheep get off the bench Peter Peter I didn't bench you get off the bench get back in the game.

Listen some of you I know are feeling guilty over a sin in your past and you're saying René you don't understand what I did I can't forgive myself and when I hear that I feel like saying who do you think you are that you can't forgive yourself when God has forgiven you do you think you have higher standards than God do you think you're holier than God do you think you have more wisdom than God about whether or not you ought to be back in the game?

Let go let go of the guilt when God has forgiven you learn from your losses yes learn from your mistakes and then move on because God still has a plan for you like Peter he's not done with you yet. Now that plan may not be smooth sailing in fact that's point number three finally I need to surrender to God's plan for my life I need to surrender to God's plan not my own ideas not my own pleasure not my own will and this is a very tough lesson.

Look at this you've heard people say life is like a roller coaster right I've said it myself it has high heights it has steep drops it does upside down loops it has weird turns unexpected tunnels that's life right the problem is a lot of us try to attach a steering wheel to the roller coaster car and we cling to this illusion of control but there's no steering wheels on roller coasters so much in life you just can't control you know and you get frustrated going how come the roller coaster is not going away I'm very deliberately steering this.

Now you do have control of course over some things you can control your reactions while you're on the ride and a few other things but there's a lot in life in fact most things you can't control but we insist on trying on steering the roller coaster and that exemplified Peters attitude toward life you know even even to the point of vetoing Jesus's plans.

There's a couple of times one time Jesus says the Son of Man must be betrayed and put to death in order to fulfill God's will and Peter goes excuse me no bad plan let me just steer you off that roller coaster track Jesus Christ and here in the next few verses Jesus is saying Peter you need to learn something very truly I tell you when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted but when you're old you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.

Remember he's saying this to a type a control freak Peter and the Bible says Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God he's not just talking about aging because Peter was crucified upside down we know from history by the Emperor Nero in Rome so he says life's gonna take some pretty bad twists and turns for you Peter and then he said to him follow me.

Now what's Jesus saying here? He's saying look Peter you're such a control freak and you need to understand on the roller coaster of life events will lead you where you do not want to go. One of our pastors Dave Hicks his daughter Robin and her husband Josh and their three little boys a lot of you guys know them two months ago they moved from here in Santa Cruz the whole family did to their brand new house and Josh's brand new job they had plans to stay for several years at this great new job in Cairo last weekend they were evacuated by the State Department they're back in town now they're safe but they had to get out so fast that they left everything behind they got back into town with basically the shoes on their feet and the clothes they were wearing they will lead you where you do not want to go.

Stocks will plummet children might rebel jobs will change your health will betray you even loved ones will die life will lead you where you do not want to go we all know this we've all experienced this and Jesus is saying that's a fact but in the midst of it all but despite all the up-and-down circumstances you can still follow me there are no steering wheels on this roller coaster Peter but your attitude on the ride can be I am going to follow Jesus.

He's saying to Peter and to you and me being a disciple means more than muscling through life you know Peter was a broad-shouldered you know football player type fisherman dude you know you can just tell from scripture and the things he says and is the leadership roles that he tries to take and Jesus is saying leadership in the kingdom of God being a disciple of Jesus Christ does not mean bending circumstances to your will it means within the circumstances of life where you are led where you just don't want to go you're still going to follow me.

And just when you hope that that's the end of the story like Peter says yes Lord I will like he's finally gonna mature he wants once again just acts like such an immature little kid he points to one of the other disciples and it says Peter asked well Lord what about him you know seriously like Lord thank you for the reassurance about the cruddy life ahead of me but Jesus what about him?

And Jesus answered if I want him to remain alive until I return what is that to you you must follow me. Have you ever done this compared yourself to somebody else and wondered why do they have a better God what about them why don't I own a house like them why don't I have a family like them why don't I have a marriage like them why don't I have health like them and God's saying what is that to you so what if their struggles are different from your struggles you choose to follow me or not that is such a huge lesson because that's just the truth man that's just life.

Well so what happened to Peter? Well he became a great leader great leader he changed history two of the books of the Bible were written by Peter that's pretty huge the perennial best seller there he's one of the co-authors he's led leader of the church of miracles were done by him an amazing life all after he was humbled by his abject failure and that's really the lesson of Peter's life.

When you look back on your life when you think about this one month to live you know matrix to view your life through don't go oh if I'd only not done that if I'd only not done that oh these regrets I'm just my life has been a miserable failure Peter's greatest successes came after his greatest failures.

A man named Paul washer who was a missionary to Peru once said our problem isn't that we aren't strong enough it's that we're not weak enough and that's really the lesson of Peter story isn't it because before his failure what did you notice most about Peter? Well that he was a pretty cocky guy filled with a sense of his own power and his own ideas and after he was broken what did you notice about Peter? He was a humble guy filled with the Holy Spirit's power and Jesus Christ's ideas he went from having loudmouth strength to having quiet power because of the failures and because of the obstacles and because of the ups and downs of the roller coaster.

I heard some great words on this from of all people a Super Bowl winning football coach Tony Dungy I saw a little internet clip where he had some words about this precise subject watch this especially in professional football we see strength exhibited in a lot of ways it's usually external and that's what people refer to but to me quiet strength is what comes from the inside and that's that strength of purpose it's that strength of character that that you get from something internal to me it comes from the spirit and knowing that God is in control of things and it gives you the strength to move forward and persevere and stay true to what you believe.

One of the things I've found out about the Lord is he doesn't always give us smooth sailing he doesn't always give us downhill rides on our bicycles sometimes we have to pedal uphill sometimes we have to go through some very very tough times and I think that's what really defines our strength that's what defines our character how we react to those tough times and we can't react to them with our individual strength it has to be what's inside it has to come from the Lord and to me that's what really having a quiet strength is all about understanding it's not my power but it's that quiet strength of the Lord and that's what Peter discovered.

If you discovered this I hope you always remember God's strength is shown in my weakness because that's when God's grace shows through instead of just my own brilliance or my own strength. Now listen I want to address a group of people here that I know that I know are in this room because I know what some of you are thinking you're going but René the things that I did were so terrible that they have terrible consequences that can never be unraveled.

Well maybe sin has terrible effects that's why we're warned against it but I know this if I believe the Bible I have to believe God still does miracles and if I know if I believe the Bible I have to believe this that God specializes in using failures and if I believe the Bible I have to believe that God still has a plan for you like Peter maybe you took a giant step out of the will of God at one point in your life you know when it was you know where it was in fact you're thinking about it right now but listen you can stop crucifying yourself for that because someone else was already crucified for you.

In fact even while Peter was sitting there warming himself by the fire denying Jesus was with an oath Jesus Christ that very day died for that sin and he died for your sin and he's in this room right now he went ahead of you here to this place he brought you here to meet you and if you'll listen he's saying to you I just have one question and it's not will you please try harder will you please be better his question is do you love me because on that cross he demonstrated his love for you and we're going to take communion together this morning to remember that sacrifice and that would be a perfect time to respond to his question and say yes Lord I love you and you hear him say then feed my sheep the roller coaster of life is gonna take some strange turns hang on but I'll be with you and you follow me.

Let's pray together as your head is bowed just consider a few questions here just meditate on this did this strike a chord with you in some way do you have regrets cringe moments in your past you don't have to live shackled by those late-night regrets anymore that's what communion is all about he paid for that sin so during communion just bring to God any regrets that still haunt you this is the moment no matter what you've done.

Lord I know there are people here filled with a sense of regret for things they've done and so much so that they've been afraid to return to you God I pray that you would help them even now to experience the freedom of your restoring grace and if there are some of you who need to return to you after falling like Peter I need to come to you for the first time ever I pray that they would do so even as we remember your death for our sins and I pray this in Jesus name Amen.