The Family

You'll get through this. That is the name of our series on the weekends, going through the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis in the Bible. Good morning! I really am loving this series. We have groups all over the county, small groups that are studying this material, reacting to this material. Here's just some of the pictures. This is a group in Aromas, but we've got older people in senior living centers. We've got young marrieds. We've got families. We've got women's groups. And here is why I bring this up: in two weeks, believe it or not, we are wrapping up this series. And I would love for you to send me at René@tlc.org. That's my email. Photos of your group or of your family studying this material, wherever you are. Maybe you are joining us online. We would love to see that as well. So send me group photos. Also send me acts of kindness stories. We've got groups. As a church, we're doing acts of kindness all over the county this week. A bunch of TLCers put together bags, gift bags for the entire teaching staff at Watsonville High School. We got so many of these projects going on. What did you do? It would be so fun to see your group and to hear about what you did in an era when we're hearing so much negativity. It would be so cool to see the positivity that you guys are putting out in the name of Jesus to the community.

Well, I want to start today with another somewhat similar story to the story of Joseph, but it has one important difference. It's the famous story of the Count of Monte Cristo. How many of you have read this or seen a movie about this? TV shows, something like this? Probably most of us here. In this famous story, a young man, Edmund Dantes, is only a teenager when he is betrayed by a group of men who just have it in for him, and they just decide they're going to ruin his life. He is falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit. He is arrested. He is sent to prison in a grim island fortress where he is forgotten for nine years. But then he's able to escape and he follows clues to buried treasure, and he's able to change his identity and become the rich and powerful Count of Monte Cristo. And in this disguise, he's able to cleverly avenge himself on those men through an incredibly intricate plot. He drives one into bankruptcy, drives another insane. Another goes into despair and commits suicide. This was the most popular book worldwide in the 1800s. And in fact, it stands alone almost of books from the 1800s in this. It has never been out of print in 180 years. And its plot must be completely cross-cultural because it's been translated into virtually every single modern language on earth. It has been made into at least 29 movies and even a Marvel comic book, which I had.

Now let me ask you this: why do you think the story of the Count of Monte Cristo is so popular? Just yell some ideas out to me right now. Yeah, vengeance, right? It's really what it is. It is wish fulfillment, right? I mean, who has not stayed awake at night at times and imagined how to get back at the people who hurt you, right? Like just the right quip said in such a clever way that they think that you're complimenting them when you do it at the party in public. But hours later when they get home and they're alone, they realize how cutting you were. Not that I've ever thought of that. But in our story today, in our story this morning, the Bible, what we really see is kind of the anti-Count of Monte Cristo, Joseph. Think of the parallels. Also betrayed when he was a teenager. Also forgotten in prison. Also falsely accused of a crime. And then also suddenly rich and powerful with a whole new wealthy identity and the opportunity for delicious cold vengeance. But there's a twist.

Quick recap previously on The Life of Joseph. He's his dad's favorite. He has this dream of his future, and in the dream, all the grain in the fields bows down to him, and all the stars in the sky too, which he takes to mean his brothers are going to bow to him. So he tells his brothers, who already hate him, his dream; they don't like it. They throw him into a pit, sell him into slavery, where he's falsely accused and thrown into prison for years. There he slowly gains a reputation as an interpreter of dreams. He eventually warns Pharaoh of a coming famine and gets promoted second in charge over all of Egypt. And that is where we last left Joseph last weekend. I've been loving this study. It's like this amazing soap opera almost. Now Joseph suddenly is rich and powerful and with a chance for vengeance. And at this point, the story really asks the question: when someone hurts me, how can I forgive and how can I ever trust them again?

And when you think about it, these are universal questions because relationship breakdown is one of the most common experiences in life, right? It just is. If you're in a relationship in big and small ways, there's going to be some breakdown of the relationship. So we need stories about what forgiveness and trust look like. We don't just need principles. We need to see what it looks like and see what it feels like. And we don't get that a lot in pop culture these days. But we do get that in this story. So I want to start out with a couple of verses that Mark ended with last week. Joseph, again, he is now second in command to Pharaoh, and he has a new wife and he has two new babies. At the dedication, Genesis 41:51, Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh, saying, "God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father's household." At last I've forgotten my family of origin. Now Manasseh sounds like the Hebrew word for forget, okay? The second son, he named Ephraim, and he said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering," and Ephraim kind of sounds like the Hebrew for fruitful. So he names his kids Forget and Fruitful. Funny sounding names to our ears, right? Although I guess I can see Fruitful as a Santa Cruz name, right? Here's my kid, Fruitful. That would pass here. But Forget, that's almost like a comedy name. I was thinking you walk up to somebody, what's your kid's name? I forget. Well, try to remember. I do remember. What's her name? I forget. Right? But those two words really summarize the effect of forgiveness. I forget so I can move on and be fruitful and focus on my blessings. That's how forgiveness starts. I release and I refocus.

Joseph here isn't releasing his brothers from their guilt, not at all, but he is releasing them from his thoughts so he can refocus on the blessings God has given him in the present. You know, Stanford University is home to one of the largest scientific studies ever on how forgiveness works. The Stanford Forgiveness Project, fascinating work. And Dr. Fred Laskin, who started it and is the director of the project, he says this: your grievance story, and by grievance story, what he means is when you tell yourself or tell others about a past hurt over and over and over again. He says your grievance story seems comforting and familiar, but really it's your enemy. That grievance story, more than what hurt you, has imprisoned you. It keeps you in the past. It reminds you that you're a victim, and it even alienates your own friends. Once you change your grievance story, you are on the road to healing. And that's what Joseph does here, right? I got to forget so I can be fruitful. My past is behind me. My present is blessed. I got a new name, new wife, new kids, new job, new life. I'm finally moving on from my weird family.

And cue weird family. Here they come back into his life, kind of enter stage left, verse 56. So with severe famine everywhere, Joseph opened up the storehouses and distributed grain. And this is the first food bank ever in human history, and what a great tie-in to our food drive, right? There was a great famine there. There's great inflation now, great needs. So we want to open up our storehouses. As you heard Adrian say in our fall food drive, 10 pounds of food plus $120 donation at tlc.org/food equals a million meals. And as he said, that's too much for some. Others can do far more. And so we just ask that you would pray earnestly and sincerely about how God would want you to open up your storehouses and help this like Joseph did.

Well, while this is all happening, the famine and everything else in Egypt, and you can see the fertile Nile Delta there, meanwhile across the desert of the Sinai Peninsula over in Canaan, what we now know as the modern land of Israel, there's family drama with Joseph's family of origin who he hasn't seen for 20 years, Genesis 42:1. When Jacob, now that's Joseph's dad, he thinks Joseph is dead. Remember when he heard that grain was available in Egypt, he said to his sons, "Why are you standing around looking at one another?" By the way, doesn't that tell you that there's still a little tension in the family, right? You morons, are you standing around? I've heard that there's grain in Egypt. Go down there, buy enough grain to keep us alive; otherwise, we'll die. So Joseph's 10 older brothers went down to Egypt to buy grain, but watch this. "Jacob wouldn't let Joseph's younger brother, Benjamin, go with him for fear some harm might come to him." So dad's still playing favorites. Do you understand what's between the lines here? Yeah, this is a dangerous trip. Let's not let Benjamin go. You two go on ahead. You 10, you know, go, go, go.

So when they arrived, they bowed beforehand before Joseph with their faces to the ground. Although Joseph recognized his brothers, they didn't recognize him. Why not? Why wouldn't they recognize their own brother? Well, they last saw him at, we have the age of Joseph in the text. They last saw him when he was 17, and now he's 37. Just a quick show of hands. How many of you have changed a little bit since you've been 17 years old? Can I see that show of hands? Right. Let me show you something that you may not have considered before. This is a drawing from an ancient tomb in Egypt from around the same time as this story happens. This is a western Semitic person visiting Egypt from the land of Canaan. In other words, this is exactly the kind of people that Joseph's family was. They did not shave. They wore beards. Their men wore long hair. You can see the dreadlocks. You can see the bandana. This is a 70s rock star right there. That is what they looked like, right? Meanwhile, the Egyptian men and Egyptian women shaved and plucked all of their hair, including their eyebrows and everything else, and then they wore wigs and they painted onto their eyes eyeliner and like King Tut famously, right? This is what they looked like. There was eyeliner and there was eye shadow and so on that they painted on with black coal and so on. So a proto-Hebrew, a western Semite from Canaan coming into Egypt and meeting an Egyptian would look a little bit like Jim Morrison meeting David Bowie. That's basically what's happening here. So there's no way they are going to recognize their painted-up and shaved younger brother. So just to help you picture this thing, but he recognizes them when they bow down before him. Verse 9, "And then he remembered the dreams he'd had about them many years before." Remember the dreams? Suddenly he remembers all the wheat bowing down to him, and now his brothers are bowing down asking for wheat? And he sees this is no coincidence. This is something bigger happening. This is like deja vu. This is some kind of divine opportunity, but for what?

At first, Joseph seems to think like it's a divine opportunity to kind of mess with their heads. He said to them, "You are spies. You have come to see how vulnerable our land has become." "No, my Lord," they exclaimed, "Your servants have simply come to buy food. We're all brothers, members of the same family," and they're so nervous they can't stop talking. Ever been so nervous like when you meet some celebrity or when a cop pulls you over, you just can't stop talking, right? So that's these guys here. There are actually 12 of us. We, your servants, are all brothers, sons of a man living in the land of Canaan. Our youngest brother is back there with a father right now. One of our brothers is no longer with us. You know, they're just so nervous. But Joseph insisted, "As I said, you're spies." And this is how I'll test your story. I swear by the life of Pharaoh that you will never leave Egypt unless your younger brother comes here too.

Now think of what that must have made him feel like when they walk in. He didn't expect it. 20 years? He has just named his kid. He said, "God, that he has let me forget my family of origin." And here they come. This is just a rush of triggers, right? So verse 17, "So Joseph put them all in prison for three days." Now why do you think he did that? Honestly, I think he's buying himself time before he does anything rash because he probably has his guts telling him to go all kind of Monte Cristo on him, right? So how does this apply to you and me? Everything in the Bible is there. The Bible says for our instruction. So how does this instruct us? You don't have your own personal jail, right? Although that would be convenient, wouldn't it? You hurt my feelings. You go to my personal jail for a day. You cut in front of me. You go to my jail for three days. You root for the Dodgers. You go to jail for life. We don't have a jail though. So here's the point. Don't ever respond like you immediately want to when somebody hurts you, especially not on social media or email; buy yourself some time.

On the third day, Joseph said to them, "Listen, I'm a God-fearing man. If you do as I say, you will live." He has concocted kind of a kind of Monte Cristo scheme here, but to another end. "Choose one of your brothers to remain in prison. The rest of you may go home with grain for your starving families, but you must bring your youngest brother back to me. This will prove that you're telling the truth, and then, only then, you will not die to this." They agreed, but speaking among themselves, they said, "Clearly, we're being punished because of what we did to Joseph long ago. We saw his anguish when he pleaded for his life, but we wouldn't listen. That's why we're in this trouble." Now, what does that tell you? Their guilt over what they did to Joseph, they were struggling with that a lot more than Joseph was at this point, right? He had released them. He's like, "God made me forget all my hardship," but they're still dealing with it. When somebody hurts you, it may look on the outside like they're fine, and it makes you so mad. On the inside, you have no idea what's happening to them. Remember, Jesus said that it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict of sin, righteousness, and judgment, and you've got to trust that the Holy Spirit's at work bringing conviction. Now, they can respond to that or not in healthy ways, but that's not up to you. That's the Holy Spirit's job. There's stuff happening inside of them, clearly feeling convicted here.

Verse 21, "There's always someone like this in the family. Didn't I tell you not to sin against the void," Reuben asked, "but you wouldn't listen. Now we have to answer for it." I told you, tried to warn you, tried to tell you, didn't I say thank you so much, Reuben? Verse 23, "Of course, they didn't know that Joseph understood them, for he had been speaking to them through an interpreter." They don't realize they've been speaking Hebrew. He can speak Hebrew, but he's been speaking Egyptian and using an interpreter. And kids, I know we got some kids here because of the kids choir. Because this is why you should be bilingual, because you can trick people. This is very important. This story always reminds me of when my little sister and I grew up over in San Jose. Our parents were Swiss immigrants, and so we grew up speaking Swiss German. We were fluent in it. And it's a very obscure language. Even Germans can't fully understand Swiss German. So only a few people in the world really speak it. I don't know, a few million people, but they're all in Switzerland. So I'm bilingual in a completely useless language, except it became our own little code language, me and my little sister, which we used for evil, because we used to make fun of people in public, right in front of them, speaking our own Swiss German language. Like at the store, talking about grownups. Look at her shoes, they're so dumb. Her hair is blue, right? Which was so fun until one fateful day. It was at the Thrifty Drugstore on Meridian Avenue in San Jose. I will never forget it. We're standing behind a woman on the checkout line just riffing on her, laughing and giggling when she whips around and says in perfect Swiss German, "You know, I can understand every single word you little brats are saying." We learned our lesson, which was always make sure they can't speak Swiss German before you make fun of them, right?

So verse 24, "Then he chose Simeon from among them and had them tied up right before their eyes." The question: why doesn't Joseph immediately reveal himself to his brothers and give them all a big group hug? He just heard them regret what they did. He forgives them, but he doesn't trust them. He knows words and tears alone are not enough to restore trust. So watch this. "Joseph then ordered his servants to fill them in sacks with grain, but he also gave secret instructions to return each brother's payment at the top of a sack." I think this is a test. Are they going to take the money and just leave Simeon? Remember he was bound up and imprisoned somewhere. Are they just going to forget about him? That's what they did to Joseph. Have they changed? "When the brothers came to their father Jacob in the land of Canaan, they told him everything." That's a first. They're honest with their dad. Everything that had happened to them, "We owe him this money. We don't know how it got in our sack. We got to go back. We got to bring Benjamin around. He's got to arrest us, his spies. It's going to be terrible." Dad says, "No. You cannot bring Benjamin back." Then Reuben, here's Reuben again, said to his father, "You may put both of my sons to death if I do not bring him back to you." So gallant, if I should fail you, kill them. His sons are probably, "Thanks, Dad. Entrust him to my care and I'll bring him back." "Now Jacob replied, 'My son will not go with you. His brother Joseph is dead. He is all that I have left.'" Wait a minute. He's all that I have left? He's got ten other sons standing right in front of him. But once again, Dad is still blind to his character flaw, right? He's playing favorites. "If anything should happen to him on your journey, you would send this grieving white-haired man to his grave." So they don't go, and they run out of food, and they start to starve until Jacob very reluctantly says, "Okay, you can take Benjamin." And they go back to Egypt, and the instant they get there, Joseph sends them orders, "You again? You come to my palace immediately." Genesis 43:18, the brothers were terrified. It's because of the money somebody put in our sacks. The last time we were here, they said, "He has plans to pretend we stole it. Then he's going to seize us and make us his slaves and take our donkeys." That seems like the wrong order, right? He's going to make us his slaves and kill us and take our donkeys. But what happens? Joseph filled their plates with food from his own table, giving Benjamin five times as much as he gave the others. Why do you think he gives Benjamin five times as much? I've heard it said, "Well, of course he was delighted to see his little brother again." I don't think it's that because five times more, just think of what this looks like: five times more. Here's a steak, here's a steak, here's a steak, here's five steaks. Here's dessert, here's dessert, here's five desserts. This was extravagant. Why? I think this was another test. Are they going to envy him because he's showing all this favoritism to Benjamin? Just like they envied Joseph because he's setting them up for what happens next.

Watch this. "When his brothers were ready to leave, Joseph gave these instructions to his palace manager: fill each of their sacks with as much grain as they can carry, and put each man's money back into its sack. Then put my personal silver cup at the top of the youngest brother's sack along with the money for his grain. When they had gone only a short distance and were barely out of the city, Joseph said to his palace manager, 'Now, chase after them and stop them, and when you catch up with them ask them, "Why have you repaid my kindness with such evil? Why have you stolen my master's silver cup?"' Which he uses to predict the future." That wasn't true; he's messing with their heads. "The one who stole my cup will be my slave, and the rest of you may go free." Now watch this. The palace manager must have had a great sense of drama and suspense because look what he chooses to do. He searched the brothers. He knows it's in the youngest brother's sack; Joseph just told him. He searched the brother's sacks from the oldest to the youngest. You could cut the tension with a knife, and they're starting to think maybe he's wrong. It's not in that sack, not in that sack, not in that sack. I think we're going to get off scot-free because Benjamin is such a good kid; he would never have stolen it until the cup was found in Benjamin's sack. Do you see what he's doing? He is setting up a situation exactly like his own years before. And they come back to the palace, and Joseph says, "Listen, this guy is going to be my slave now, and I might mistreat him, I might abuse him, I might sell him to get some money out of him. The rest of you can go. Bye-bye. You can go home. What are they going to do?" What are they going to do? Now, of course, if they had left, he wouldn't have treated Benjamin badly, but he's like, "What's going to happen next?"

Then something nobody expected happens. Then Judah stepped forward and said, "Please, my Lord, let your servant say just one word to you. I can't go back to my father without the boy. Our father's life is bound up in the boy's life. And if he sees that the boy is not with us, our father will die. We, your servants, will indeed be responsible for sending that grieving white-haired man to his grave." Now, let me interrupt Judah's speech for just a second to ask you. Up to this point, Judah, good guy or bad guy? Bad guy. Very bad guy. He's killed people. Judah's the brother who convinced the rest of the brothers to sell Joseph into slavery, in case you don't remember. And he's immoral earlier in Genesis. This sounds like a digression when it comes up in Genesis, but listen to this. After Judah sells Joseph into slavery, he goes to a prostitute. Now, he doesn't recognize her. It turns out that she is a relative of his. She is not married, but she wants a baby. And so this is what she does to get pregnant. And when she does get pregnant, when she's three months along and starting to show, she's dragged before the village, and Judah, as the village elder, sanctimoniously says, "This woman should be burned at the stake for her wanton lifestyle," classic hypocrite, "until she reveals, well, the child of... The father of this child is right here in this gathering in the village." And everybody's like, "Who is it?" And she points to Judah; the child's father is you. And she produces some ID that she had stolen from him. And I can just imagine the fire's crackling and every head in the village swivels toward Judah, and he says, "She is more righteous than I," which basically is like saying to the rest of the elders of the village, "Yeah, if anybody deserves that punishment, it's me, so it's up to you." And they decide that both he and the woman are still welcome in the village. But I personally think that that public humiliation made Judah more humble. They gave him some empathy. Have you ever noticed that that happens sometimes when you fail morally? Makes you a little bit less judgmental, doesn't it? I suspect that's what's happening here and that that's why that story is included in the book of Genesis because look at his speech, verse 33, "So please, my Lord, let me stay here as a slave instead of the boy. Let the boy return with his brothers." Wow. How can I return to my father if the boy is not with me? I couldn't bear to see the anguish this would cause my father.

So he's gone from, "I hate my dad for favoring Joseph," to, "Listen, man, I know I can't change dad and I know this is a character flaw, but I don't want to hurt dad anymore." Finally, Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, "Out, out, out, all of you." Now it's just Joseph and his brothers, and he broke down and wept, and he wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh's palace. And I imagine him, his face is just soaked in tears, and he wipes off the makeup, and he stretches out his hands to them and he says, "I am Joseph." What happens next surprises everyone, as you will see next weekend. But let's wrap this up with some quick observations. What can we learn from this story? You know one thing this story teaches me, forgiveness is not equal to trust. Joseph had forgiven his brothers, right? He said that when he named his kids. I've moved on. They show up. He doesn't trust them. He knows words and tears alone are not enough to restore trust. So this is biblical. Biblically speaking, forgiveness is a command. Trust is a choice. Think of this: Jesus commands us to forgive everybody, right? He makes that clear. He says it over and over. Forgive everybody. But he didn't command us to trust everybody. In fact, Jesus himself didn't trust everybody. Think of what the gospel of John says, "Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem, many began to trust in him, but Jesus didn't trust them." Why? Because he knew human nature. Jesus was the kindest, most loving, most forgiving person on the planet, but he knew he could not trust all people.

Second, forgiveness is always wise. Trust requires discernment. Proverbs says, "Hate stirs up trouble, but love forgives all offenses." How many offenses? All offenses. That's always wise. But the very same book of Proverbs says, "Don't befriend angry people, for example, or associate with hot-tempered people, but pastor, I forgave him and I forgave her, and so I'm resuming the relationship the way it was before." Absolutely, yes, love forgives all offenses. That is wise. It's wise for you. It's wise for the world. But this says, "Don't associate with everybody. Don't go into business with them. Don't marry them." Not wise. Unless they've really changed.

Third, forgiveness is a gift. Trust must be earned. You know, in English, there's no such word as forgiveness worthy because nobody is forgiveness worthy. But there is such a word as trustworthy because you can prove yourself trustworthy. These brothers in the story today, they proved finally they were worthy of trust by admitting culpability, proving reliability, and having integrity. They had been terrible, worst brothers ever, but they changed. And you can change. And the person who hurt you can change. The question is, will you let them prove it? Interesting in the story, don't miss this, Joseph gave his brothers the opportunity to earn his trust. He gave them a chance when he saw the providential circumstance. That moment he went, "I saw this all in a dream 20 years ago, right? Something bigger is at work here." So let me ask you, is there an unresolved relationship in your life? Maybe they're somewhere in this town. Maybe they're somewhere in this room. I'd like you to point to them right now. No, just kidding. Don't do that. Please don't. But do keep your eyes open for providential circumstances, right? God may not reveal it to you in a dream like for Joseph, but there'll be some new circumstance, some new window of opportunity. You run into them somewhere. Maybe God is opening the door for some kind of possibility, at least, of reconciliation.

And you know, if you're having trouble getting motivated to even forgive, remember the Bible says a lot of things like be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. It's another sermon, but I've talked about how in my life I've really struggled at times with my own unforgiveness. But the more I understand what Jesus did on the cross as my substitute and what God has forgiven me for, the more I'm not just motivated; the more I am compelled to forgive. Now, I know that when any pastor talks about forgiveness, these are very delicate topics that can trigger painful memories. I mean, I said at the start, one of the great things about this story is it doesn't really give us principles, but it shows us what forgiveness and trust look like. So think back on the story. Did it look easy to you? Did it look quick? Absolutely not. You saw Joseph struggle. You saw him take time. You saw him weep. And so I always recommend, you know, a godly wise counselor to help you navigate all that. But first and foremost, will you pray about it? In fact, let's pray right now. Would you stand with me? Let's all stand as we pray together. Maybe God is dealing with you right now in the area of forgiveness, or maybe in the area of trust. And I want to provide an opportunity for you to pray about it. I'll prompt you, but then we'll have some time for silent prayer. So let's bow our heads together.

First forgiveness, with our heads bowed, let me just speak to you for a moment. Maybe God right now is telling you enough. You've been so angry for so long; it's time to forget and be fruitful. Peace and refocus. So if forgiveness is the struggle for you, why don't you pray right now, Lord, here are the people, here's the person, here's the situation where I really need your power to forgive. Would you just pray silently about that right now for a moment? Or maybe God's dealing with you today in the area of trust. And if trust is an issue, pray, God, I really need wisdom to know if and when and how to trust. Why don't you pray silently about that for a moment? Lord, grant us the power to know how to forgive, the wisdom to know when to trust. But mostly, Lord, help us to release and refocus, to forget so that we can be fruitful. And there's nothing better to refocus on than you, Jesus. And so we focus on you, we thank you for your grace, we thank you for the confidence we have that you're always at work even when we can't see it. And that we will get through this, in Jesus' name, Amen.