Contagious Calm

Well, hello everybody. My name is René, one of the pastors here, and I have some very exciting news. Today, today, our daughter Elizabeth and her husband Jordan welcomed into the world our third grandson, Emmett James Cantorek, eight pounds, three ounces, born 8:35 in the morning. Today, we are so grateful, so blessed, so joyful. Thank you for your prayers.

And all I have to say is get ready for some more sermon illustrations about grandbabies, because suddenly they illustrate like every single truth that I am finding in the Word of God. It's going to be so hard for me to concentrate tonight, but I'll be honest with you, I really need to, because the truths we're going to look at tonight may be the most important scripture I could possibly bring you this evening.

Calm and Chaos is our series that we're in right now in Philippians 4. And you know, finding calm in chaos is great, but part of what Philippians 4 talks about is bringing calm to the chaos. How can you and I be the calm that our world so desperately needs right now? Let's talk about being contagiously calm tonight.

You know, I was reading about our culture's increasing incivility. Sociologists interviewed last year on 60 Minutes say it acts like a contagious virus. If one person gets incivility, it spreads like a pandemic. It is sadly contagious. Well, the good news is so is calm. Have you ever been around somebody who's calm? It was just contagious? I have.

I think of my wife's grandma, Grace. This is a picture of her on her 100th birthday just a few years ago. Now she was no pushover. She was strong. She'd had a tough life, lost her mom as a child. Dad became an alcoholic. He abandoned the kids for weeks at a time. She essentially raised her two younger sisters. They lived in deep poverty, so she was strong, self-educated, strong opinions, and yet contagiously calm.

Her sense of peace, even through all those trials that she had in life, made her so attractive. It was so charismatic. It was so magnetic that people were just drawn to her because she was an oasis of peace in a world of chaos. In fact, one time she was nearly 100 years old and she walked into a Walmart, and the elderly greeter there started flirting with her. In fact, he even asked her out and she said, "How are you?" And he said, "80? Wanna date?" And she said, "Date you? I should adopt you. I'm 100." And his teeth fell out.

But Grace, so appropriately named, reminds me of the verse from Philippians 4 that we are soaking in today. Here it is: "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." That's Philippians 4:5. Wherever you're at, would you read this out loud with me? Here we go: "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

Gentleness. What is gentleness? Well, Christopher Wright, a brilliant scholar who was at Cambridge, defines gentleness as the ability to endure hostility and criticism without anger. Now, gentleness is not being a doormat. It is strength under the control of love. Like I think of mama lions carrying their cubs in their mouths. Strength under control of love.

Or mama alligators carrying their babies in their mouths. Maybe not quite as cute, but strength under the control of love or whatever passes for love in alligators, right? That's mama power again. Or this. That's a strong mama right there. I'm just saying.

And look at how God is described in Isaiah 40. The entire chapter of Isaiah 40 is about the awesome power of God, the God who spun galaxies into place, who has control over every human kingdom. And then it says, "The same awesome powerful God tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young." God, so powerful and yet so gentle.

And Paul says, "Let your gentleness," watch this, "be evident to all the Lord." That Lord we just described is near. Now, the Lord is near. It means both Christ is close to you. His presence is near you. You're never alone. And it also means the Lord is near as in Christ is returning. And that means evil does not triumph.

The Lord is near is a reminder that he's got you and he's still got the whole world in his hands. So you can relax, much like Emmett in Elizabeth's arms, because I know I'm safe. I'm in good hands. It leads to gentleness.

Now, let me be clear. Gentleness is not about avoiding tough conversations. We need tough conversations. We need tough conversations in our families, don't we? We need tough conversations in our churches. We need tough conversations in our country, right? That's life. You got to have those tough conversations.

Gentleness is not about avoiding tough conversations. Gentleness is how to have those tough conversations in a constructive way. Because if every conversation about some topic of debate is a shouting match in your family or in your church or in our country, then what happens? People retreat to the corners. The alienation gets worse. Progress is never actually made.

And that's why in this verse, Paul says, "Let your gentleness be evident to all." Now check this out. For Christians, that means gentleness is supposed to be like our trademark. I was thinking about this this Christmas when I was watching Home Alone. You ever see that old movie? And the wet bandits, they say, "That's like our trademark. We're the wet bandits." Well, for Christians, like our trademark is supposed to be, "Oh, they're the gentlest people." That's supposed to be like our brand. How's that working out these days?

Gentleness is not what many people think of right now when they think of Christians. And you might have all kinds of theories as to why. And they're probably worth discussing. But what I want to talk about tonight is what is firmly in your control and in my control right now. You can't control other people, but you sure do have complete control over yourself.

So how do we get back to our gentleness being what is evident to all, being kind of like our trademark as Christians? Tonight I want to talk quickly about the why of gentleness and then the way of gentleness. First, the why. Why shouldn't we be belligerent? You know, isn't belligerence effective? Don't I get my way when I shout? Well, three reasons from the Bible.

First, gentleness nurtures unity. And I said, unity, not uniformity. There is a big difference right now at TLC. There are a wide variety of viewpoints on today's issues, pandemic policies, various social issues, political perspectives. And I love this. I don't want to be in a church where everybody thinks the same. Do you?

You know, there's a word for a church where everybody thinks the same. Cult. I don't want to be in some cult. And think of how Jesus chose his own disciples. When he was putting together his hand-picked group of just 12 people, he deliberately chose people from polar opposite political extremes. He had a zealot in there and he had a Roman collaborator in there. You could not find two people more diametrically opposed politically. This is something Jesus intended to create.

So how do we protect that? How do we nurture that? How do we keep that from blowing apart? And this probably describes your extended family too. How do you keep your family from blowing apart? One word, gentleness. That's not avoiding the tough conversations. It's how to have the tough conversations.

And what's more, people in our church and in your family have emotional responses to all of the different stresses from all kinds of different directions from different emotional places. Some are concerned. Others are more worried. Others are downright scared. Others are just exhausted. Others are angry. Others are energized. They are stoked. They are ready to go. And these differences probably relate to personality types and they are deeply embedded and emotional. They're kind of beyond logic, right? So how do we stick with all of us with all these different responses stick together? One word, gentleness.

In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul says, "As a prisoner for the Lord then." Don't miss that. He's writing as a prisoner. He has been so mistreated. But he says, "I urge you, live a life worthy of your calling. Be completely, totally, 100%, no excuses at all times, humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort, not a token effort, not a halfway effort, every effort, 110% to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." This has never been more important and never more difficult.

Listen, there are people who want to turn us against each other. There are people who just want to burn everything down. And this is very personal and emotional for me. I was honored to do the memorial service last summer for Sergeant Damon Gutsweiler. His murder left behind a little boy and a wife who was nine months pregnant. And law enforcement officials tell me that the man who killed Damon was a member of an extremist group trying to prompt civil war in this society by inflaming our aggressions, one against the other. This is not theoretical. This is real. Don't do their work for them.

You know, the vaccine against that virus is gentleness. Because second, gentleness diffuses conflict. Watch what the inspired word of God says. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. It doesn't mean you don't answer people. It means you do it gently.

Check this out. Scientists have discovered that in your brain, there are what they call mirror neurons. They mirror emotion. And this is why when you see somebody cry in a movie, you cry. My wife and I, for some reason, chose to watch "Father of the Bride 2" as our daughter was in labor last night. And I had to get rehydrated afterwards. I was just crying buckets.

This is why when you see somebody angry, you get angry. Mirror neurons are why anger is contagious. Sorrow is contagious. Calm is contagious. You know, Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. And did you know that he wrote a book all about this? It's called "Strength to Love." And I really recommend it. In it, he says, hate multiplies hate. Violence multiplies violence and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.

Most people, and Christians in particular, are thermometers that register the temperature of majority opinion, not thermostats that transform and regulate the temperature of society. But we as Christians have a mandate to be non-conformists. We are commanded to live differently in a world depending on force, coercive tyranny, and bloody violence. You are challenged to follow the way of love. You will then discover that unarmed love is the most powerful force in all the world. I love that. Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.

Don't just register the emotional temperature of our cultural climate like a thermometer. No, control the emotional temperature all around you like a thermostat in your house. You say, how in the world can I do that? Here's a simple way to start. When other people raise their voice, you lower yours. And you will find often, not always, but often, gentleness defuses conflict. This is how to fight injustice without mirroring injustice. Does that make sense?

Gentleness nurtures unity, diffuses conflict, and third, persuades others. The Bible says gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses. Why? Because when you're gentle, people don't feel like they've got to put up defenses because they don't feel besieged. They don't feel violent aggression toward them. They feel safe.

Even when I strongly disagree with somebody, when I initiate the conversation with gentleness, they're going to feel safe. They're going to be open. And most importantly, gentleness persuades people to follow Jesus because gentleness, strength under the control of love, expresses grace. And grace is the nature of God.

Now, I have heard some objections to gentleness. And they all tend to boil down to, I am justifiably angry because I've been mistreated personally, and the other guy's not gentle. What about them? Well, the other guy's not your example. Look what the Bible says in 1 Peter 2. Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats.

One of my favorite pieces of art by the artist Dore is this drawing of Jesus surrounded by mocking faces. Just look at that. That is strength under the control of love because he could have destroyed them. But when they hurled insults, he did not retaliate. That's what Peter is talking about in this verse. Be like that.

Now, somebody always wants to say, "What about the cleansing of the temple when Jesus went into the temple and overturned the tables of the money changers and drove out the sacrificial animals and set them free?" Great question. Let me ask you this. Did Jesus ever even hint that that was something that you and I needed to do too? Did Jesus say to his disciples, "Come on, boys, let's turn over some tables?" Did he say, "Go into all the world and turn over tables?" No, he did this on his own one time, one day, for all time as a profound object lesson to show he was replacing the temple system with the sacrifice of himself.

And you know, when you think about it, what did he really do? He moved some furniture and he set some animals free. No human was hurt. And that brings me to the way of gentleness. The Bible tells Christian leaders not, "Pastors, you go turn over some tables like Jesus." It tells them things like this, "A servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach and be patient." Now, this part doesn't apply to me because there are no difficult people at Twin Lakes, but it says, "Be patient with difficult people if you happen to have them. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth, perhaps God will change those people's hearts." So again, you do instruct, but you don't insult.

Now, this was all counter-cultural in Roman culture. Real men were not gentle. This is a carving that the Romans made of themselves humiliating people and they thought this was great. There's a Roman twisting somebody's face. There's one stomping on a guy and they're like, "Ah, these are our heroes, role models." That was the culture in Paul's day. And you know what? In many ways, it's the culture in our day to think of like all the violent good guys in superhero movies and stuff.

Now, listen, don't get me wrong. I really enjoy some of these movies, but I suspect some Christian leaders are mistaking diversion for instruction because how different is this verse from the way many Christian leaders behave? In fact, I would suggest this. Before you follow some Christian leader, ask yourself, "Are they the opposite of this or do they comport with this? Are they quarrelsome? Are they unkind? Are they impatient? Are they not gentle? Then choose not to follow them." And in case you go, "Yeah, those pastors," this applies to you too.

In Titus 3, Paul says, "Remind the people to malign no one, to be peaceable and considerate, always gentle toward everyone." You think, "What about those people?" Yeah, but you know, we're treated like… I think of the words of Jesus in Matthew 5. "I say to you, love your what? Your enemies. Bless those who what? Curse you. Do good to those who hate you and pray for…" And he doubles down on it this time, "Pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." In other words, you might pat yourself on the back for loving people who think just like you about politics or about religion or about, you know, sports and about the pandemic and everything else. Jesus is saying, "Big deal. It's easy to do that. What's remarkable is when you love and bless those who do nothing but mistreat you." Why? Because that makes no sense unless God's involved.

So as we wrap this up, let's leave theory and get to practice. Last week in my daily video devos, I issued what I called a "Love Thy Neighbor Challenge." I said, "You know, Jesus says the greatest commands are love God and love your neighbor." So let's literally do that. Our nation needs it. Our church needs to do this. So I challenge people to get a little gift, just something small, cookies, maybe even something you make yourself or chocolate, flowers from your garden, something like that. Take it to your neighbor in a safe way. Do the doorbell dash or something like that and write a card that says something like, "In this divided world, I want you to know we're not divided. I love you. I am here for you, neighbor." And I said, "Choose at least one." You know, you don't have to do it for your whole street. Choose at least one neighbor. Try to choose the one you have the least in common with politically or religiously or ethnically or some other way and send me pictures and a description of what you did.

Well, I got an avalanche. I am so stoked about this because this is a way our church can let our gentleness be evident to all. Let me show you three or four of them. Tracy Kendall said, "I took a gift over to my neighbor. I told her I am here for her if she needs anything and this led into her asking for prayer for her father. If I hadn't reached out to her, I wouldn't have known that anything was wrong. Now watch this. I am especially honored that she asked for prayer. And she's not a Christian, but she knows I am a woman of faith. Gentleness builds bridges." That's what this is all about.

Matt and Paul, the Twizzle ones said, "Paul and I made some English toffee my favorite and delivered them out to several houses early this morning with a short note. It was fun." Matt says, "I felt like the Easter Bunny sneaking around." Bobby and Christelle Harris bought chocolates for a neighbor and look at what they wrote. "Hello, neighbors. We just wanted to write and let you know that we're grateful to live next to you. We hope you're doing well and we are happy to help always. God bless you." Carrie and Paul Clark wrote, "We made chocolate chip cookies and wrote a note very similar to your example on four cards. And with our new puppy, Carly, here's a picture of their puppy, delivered them to each home. Their response was pure gratitude." She says, "One neighbor we had never met. We had a great conversation.

Each neighbor was so touched by this simple act of this is what our nation needs because you can actually have constructive conversations with people once you have even a little bit of a relationship with them because they lowered offenses and we can talk about stuff. You know, I wish I could share all the responses, but I want to close with this one. Pat Emmons took the challenge and I loved her story so much I called her up and interviewed her.

Pat, you were one of the many people that contacted me who said, "You took the 'Love thy neighbor' challenge, but you went to a neighbor with whom you've had the most tension, but you went over there and loved her." When you said your neighbor, I really thought about her more than any of the people that are around me. I thought, you know, I'm going to get her and her husband some cutesy cupcakes because I think she needs to feel love.

What I love about this story, Pat, is that you didn't just bring some cutesy cupcakes to your cutesy neighbor that you already love. You brought them over to a neighbor with whom you've had some tension and you built a bridge and that is the kind of thing that we need in our world today. You're going to make me cry. No, I don't want to do that. In a good way, for a good reason.

But, Pat, this lesson has been hard learned for you. You told me that in the last year or so, God has grown you in some huge ways, but it's come because you've had cancer. You were diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. How has God worked in your life because of that hardship? I had to really soul search a lot, I think, to come to the realization that I could die imminently because one doctor gave me a year. The world is really broken now and I feel like I really do want to be that beacon of life for God. Just telling people that, you know, keep the faith. The Lord is there. Let's keep this going.

Will you join me in the Love Thy Neighbor Challenge and send any pictures or stories to me at René@tlc.org? You know what? This is the foundation to building a more perfect union. This is how to spread God's love. This is the way of gentleness. But don't miss this. This is very important. The only way to gentleness is not just trying harder. "Oh, I'm not going to be mad at those people." It has to come from someplace deeper or else you will get burned out and you will get burned.

Martin Luther King Jr. in that book Strength to Love warns about this. He said, "Only through an inner spiritual transformation do we gain the strength to fight vigorously the evils of the world in a humble and loving spirit." In fact, he had a term for the Christlike life. He called it transformed nonconformity. I really like that because we are called to be nonconformed to the world, but to be nonconformed, we first have to be transformed from the inside out. How?

Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." I want to take some time tonight for you to find rest for your soul. Maybe as a first-time commitment to the Prince of Peace. Maybe as a recommitment to the way of peace.

I want to lead us in the prayer of St. Francis. And then as Trent and Elizabeth play, I want to give you a moment to talk to God. So I put this in your notes too. I invite you to pray this out loud or in your heart with me. Let's pray together.

"Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy, and all for Thy mercy's sake. O divine master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand. To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Lord, may our gentleness be evident to all because the Lord is near. May it come from a personal, near relationship with you, Jesus. I pray that it would begin inside each heart now and radiate to our world in His name we pray, Amen.