Honor

Well, good morning and welcome to church today. I just heard about something that I thought I needed to share with you. It's a new restaurant chain in Australia called Karen's Diner. Have you heard about this? So their tagline is "Great Burgers and Very Rude Service." The whole deal is their whole brand is that they are rude to their customers on purpose. And people absolutely love it. Here's one Yelp review. "As soon as we stepped in, we were greeted just how we thought we'd be. Insults and swear words. Cannot recommend this place enough." They have expanded to 17 locations. Apparently, when people are rude to you for fun, it's great.

And I was thinking about this. I know a couple of local restaurants that ought to adopt this as their marketing brand. "Hey, we're trying to be rude." Oh, well then you're great. But let me ask you a question. True or false, do you think rude behavior is on the rise in our culture? Raise your hand if you think that's true. Is that just your feeling or is that actually real? Well, Christine Porath is a professional rudeness researcher. That's an actual job apparently. That sounds like a rough job to me. And she's been researching rudeness now for over 20 years.

And among many other things, she's asked people this question, hundreds of thousands of people all across the globe for years. Have you been treated rudely at work in the last month? Now watch this. In 2005, 49% of respondents said, "Absolutely people have been rude to me." In 2011, it was 55%. In 2016, it was 62%. And in 2022, people said, "Shut up. Who's asking?" No, just kidding. People said, "76%." Yeah, she puts it, we are in an epidemic of rudeness.

And listen to this. Here's the thing. She says, "Research shows rudeness is like the common cold. It's contagious. It spreads quickly. Anyone can be a carrier and getting infected doesn't take much. Merely witnessing rudeness, such as reading a nasty comment on social media or listening to an argumentative interview reduces your cognitive function." That's another way of saying it makes you stupider, which explains a lot about our society right now. "Interferes with your memory and decreases your performance." Show of hands again. How many of you would like to be an antidote to the rudeness in our society?

I think this is very important. Welcome to one another. This is our January series on relationships. My name's René, another one of the pastors here at Twin Lakes. And I just want to explore one word with you today. We're going to be going through a lot of concepts. We're going to be covering a lot of ground. So grab your message notes that you were handed when you came in, because you're going to want to need these to follow along. And if you are watching online, you can download these at tlc.org/notes.

And also, you know what? Get your camera ready. I don't usually ask you to do this in church, but get it ready, not for checking scores, but because I want you to take a picture of something I'm going to be showing you a little bit later on today that I think is going to help you. But, pardon me, we're going to look at a lot of stuff, but really it's all very simple. It's all around one word. All we're doing is explaining one word and how to do one word. This one word changes everything.

It changes the way you look at people. It changes the way you see people. It changes the way you see people who look like you and people who don't look like you, people who think like you and people who don't think like you, people who vote like you and people who don't vote like you, your friends, your family, your coworkers, and people you meet on the street. This one word is the antidote to the rudeness and the polarization that we see all around us in society today. And the word is honor.

It's a very biblical word. There's so many one another verses about this, like Romans 12:10. Let's read this verse out loud together. Let me hear you. Honor one another above yourself. Say this word again, just this one word, honor. That one word, which means to have value or to recognize value in somebody, it is so important in the Bible. In its noun and verb forms, it appears 62 times in the New Testament alone.

And to really understand the Bible's injunctions for us to honor one another, it's an almost forgotten command today. You really have to understand how important honor was in the ancient Roman culture in which the New Testament was written for people back then, especially to Roman men. Honor was seen as your most valuable possession. It was your place in society. Your money plus your family line plus position in society equaled honor.

Now, of course, this created kind of a caste system. In Roman society, every single time you approached somebody, the question in your mind was, are they above or below me, above or below me, above or below me on the honor scale? It's like people walked around with mental index cards on every single person they met, some kind of a mental Rolodex. Let's see who's approaching me right now. Let's see what's on their list. Landowner, check. Male, big check. Roman citizen, check. Could do me favors, check. Okay, I must show them honor.

Oh, here comes another person. Let's see. Oh, they are female, poor. They have a disgusting job. I don't agree with them politically. Then I don't have to honor them. They have to honor me. And honor only went one direction up. You honored those above you. You never had to honor those below you. They had to honor you. But then the Bible comes along and it says things like honor widows. Widows, they don't have any, they can't do me any favors. They're not rich. Yeah, you should honor them.

The aged, the elderly, honor your wife. But in Roman hierarchy, wives were way below the honor chart compared to men. Well, no, not for Jesus followers. Honor the poor and disabled. Jesus says honor them more than anybody else. Make them your guests of honor at a banquet. And then the disciple of Jesus, Peter, says, you know what, let's just say just honor everyone. Honor everybody. He says, love the brothers and sisters. Fear God, honor, even honor the emperor. What?

I mean, think of who the emperor was when 1 Peter was written. It was Nero who was burning Christians at the stake, oppressing Christians. Yeah, even honor him. Listen, there's so much political polarization going on today. I don't always agree with our nation's leaders, our state's leaders, our county leaders. Absolutely not. Of course not. But this verse tells me I do not have permission to dishonor them.

And this is something so important for us to hear, judging from what I hear, even in sermons, even in Christian podcasts, a lot of Christian books, many Christians, including Christian leaders and Christian speakers and Christian teachers seem to feel like, hey, if I stand up for biblical truth, then no matter what I say or how I say it, I'm excused. I've got a free ticket from God to just smear my opponents and they slander them.

This is, I don't even want to give a name, but there's one guy who's incredibly popular right now, writes all kinds of books and he's like on a tour right now of churches. And he's a Christian and he's a Christian leader, but he literally calls his opponents names. His latest is he says, I don't even believe they're humans anymore. I believe they're demons. That's a quote. That kind of dehumanizing people, that kind of dishonoring people, that kind of disrespecting people is unbiblical and is unChristian.

As Christians, we are to create a culture of honor. This command in scripture is probably the most forgotten command and most disobeyed command these days in our culture, including our Christian culture. We're to create a culture of honor in our churches and our communities and our families. Now you might say, why? Why do that? I mean, we live in such a culture of disrespect right now when everybody's just throwing these insults around. Why should we be different?

Well, there's so many benefits as there always are to God's commands. Like for example, parents, when it comes to raising kids, honor is superior to obedience. If your goal in raising your kids is simply make them obey, you are parenting to the lowest common denominator because what are they going to be asking? What's the most I can do without getting into trouble? Right? It becomes all about finding the loophole, right? You said to be home by nine, but you didn't say 9 p.m.

In a culture of honor, that changes. I think back on my own childhood, obedience was not at the heart of my relationship with my mother. I really was not motivated at all to obey the rules. I disagreed with a lot of the rules, but I was motivated by my honor for her. I had such respect for her. Are you kidding me? A single mom with no good source of income raising two kids in a foreign country? And the honor culture in our family ensured obedience or good character much, much more than rules did.

And here's another way honor, a culture of honor benefits us as Christians. We are called to be a light to the world, right? Well, we can only be a light to the world when we're actually different from the world. And the world is not thirsting for a religious version of its disrespectful culture, you know? Religious outrage instead of worldly outrage. The world is thirsting for a different kind of neighbor, the kind that embodies what they're not getting anywhere else, which is honor. Honor.

So having a culture of honor is actually going to make our faith more influential. So how do I create a culture of honor? Well, there's three ways I see in Scripture, and I put those three ways there in your notes. Number one is this, see the best in others. It's got to start in the heart. Before you say anything out loud to somebody, it starts with the internal narrative that you tell yourself about that person. See the best in others.

Somebody once said, "You can't help them feel like a somebody if you secretly feel they're a nobody," right? So what's your internal narrative? Look for something good to say about everybody to yourself. And I'm talking about your kids. You might say to yourself, "That child has a good heart," or about your spouse, "She's so consistent, she's trustworthy." I also do this in local politicians and civil servants and school administrators and so on, who often get so... All they hear is criticism, right?

So for example, if I see a local mayor or county supervisor or fire chief or sheriff or school principal, and I'm approaching them, I see them over at Loft or I see them at a Chamber of Commerce meeting or a Rotary Club or something like that, Costco. When I'm approaching them, I think to myself, "What's my internal narrative about this person?" And I try to think of something to honor, like, "That person is sincerely committed to seeking the common good," or, "That person, I know that particular person, petitioned the government to get an emergency declaration to help our county out with all these storms," or, "That person is amazingly accessible for an elected official," or even, "I love that person."

Now, here's where I want you to get your cameras or your phones out, because I want to make this very practical for you. Counselor Gary Smalley recommended actually writing down for yourself a list of what you honor about the most important people in your life. For example, your wife, your husband, your children. And I'm going to show you a list of character traits. Many of these are ones that he suggests. And I put these up here because these are... The first 12 or so of these are actually on my list for my wife. Right? This isn't all of my list for my wife, but those are on my list, kind of the first 30 or 40 percent there.

This is a partial list of possible character traits, things like loving and intelligent, loyal. That's a big one I see in my wife. Generous, that's a huge one too. She's strong, she's decisive, she's attractive, she's interesting. Being married to my wife is like being married to the most interesting podcast host about religion and theology. I just love it. Supportive, organized, resourceful. If you take a picture of these words, they might help inspire you to think of things you can notice in your own children, in your own co-workers, in your own spouse.

Why? Why do you have to come up with... Again, this is your internal list of 10 or 12 things that you're thinking these things characterize my wife or my kids or my co-workers. This is at the core of who they are. This helps you honor them. Why? Because of something called confirmation bias. We tend to see what we are looking for. Now, some of you might go, "Even with your help, even with that list, I'm still coming up short with some of these people. I can't think of anything to honor about this person, that person, some political person or whatever."

Well, for one thing, Genesis 9:6 says, "God made human beings in his own image." We are all image bearers of God. This one verse stands at the heart of every single social issue that Christians have ever taken a stand on. From hospitals to feeding the poor to orphanages to immigration to racial reconciliation to social justice to the sanctity of human life. This verse is at the heart of all of those social stance, abolition of slavery, this verse. What this verse means is every single person you meet is deserving of your honor.

They don't have to be like you. They don't have to like you. They don't have to look like you. They don't have to think like you because you can see that other person is made in the image of God. Like the apostle Paul says, "We have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view." Human point of view means you have your own index cards. Most humans see somebody approaching and they go, "Okay, what's their political party? What's their looks, IQ, skills, job, money, charisma, race, attractiveness, sexual history?" Paul says, "I don't do that anymore." Why? Because Jesus didn't.

I want you to think of how Jesus interacted with people. Think of how Jesus called his first disciples. Like in John 1, think of what Jesus says to Simon. He sees this fisherman approaching him who is very rough around the edges, impetuous, unreliable. The only consistent thing Peter ever did was over promise and under deliver. And Jesus says what? "They call you Simon, but I'm going to call you the Rock." Your new name is Mr. Stability. That's what Peter basically means. Peter had done zero to deserve that.

But as somebody said, "Where others saw a caterpillar, Jesus saw the butterfly. Where others saw a seed, Jesus saw the forest." See, when you honor people, what you're doing is you give people a reputation to live up to. You're honoring them up. "Simon, I'm going to give you a new reputation. You're the Rock now." Or think about how Jesus responded to Levi. Levi, as you probably know, is the disciple who invented pants. No, just kidding. That's not true. You're awake. That's good. Levi was a tax collector.

And that meant on everybody's little card for him, it said, "Collaborator, traitor, sinner, to be dishonored every single chance you get." And that's why tax collectors, only other friends, were all the other people on the dishonor list too, prostitutes and drunkards and so on. But Jesus sees Levi and he says, "Follow me." And you know, you think about it, when Jesus calls Simon Peter, Jesus calls Levi or Matthew and all the other disciples, they hadn't done anything to deserve it. They hadn't repented yet. They hadn't, you know, shown evidence of their potential.

But Jesus sees the forest and the seed. And he honors them up. And a lot of Levi's strange friends come along too. Or think of Jesus to the Samaritan woman. I love this ancient picture of it because his disciples are all going, "Oh dear, what is Jesus doing?" Because on their social index card for the Samaritan woman, it said, "Woman," so that was already a knock against her, "Samaritan," so racial minority and religious minority, divorced and divorced and divorced and divorced and divorced five different times in a culture where one time was enough to be ostracized. Now living with a guy she's not married to, if you're keeping track, that's ten marks against her on her little card, not a single reason to honor her at all. Yet Jesus does and she becomes the first Christian missionary.

Now you might think, "Well, Renee, if I responded to people the way he responded to the Samaritan woman and Levi and Peter, what if I send the wrong message to like my Christian friends? What if I honor the image of God and others? And that's what I'm doing in my mind." But people think I'm endorsing sin. Or people think I believe in cheap grace. Or people think I'm soft on sin. Or people think I'm compromising biblical truth. Hmm.

Remember what people said about Jesus? He's a glutton and a drunkard and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners. How many of you would rather be lumped in with Jesus than the Pharisees? Can I see a show of hands? Listen, see the best in others just like Jesus did, the image of God in them no matter what other religious people are going to say about you. And I also want to say before I move to point two, also see the best in yourself. Someone is listening right now who feels worthless. The truth is you are made in the image of God.

There is nothing anybody can do to add value or detract value from you. That is God-given. So see the best in others. Number two, speak the best to others. Speak the best to others. Now last weekend we did a whole message on words but as it relates to honor, somebody once said, "Everyone has an invisible sign hanging around their necks that says, 'value me.'" Your children, your grandchildren, your spouse, your co-workers, the barista, and when you do it's such a blessing to them.

This isn't in your notes but Proverbs 22:1 says, "Being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold." Honor is something that we all long for, to be affirmed as valuable. Now to be clear, honor sees value, it doesn't set value. You don't make somebody valuable, they're already valuable. God gives value, honor though recognizes that value in people. So how can I say the best to others? What difference does that make to them?

Well, a simple little story went viral last week. An employee at Chipotle posted this note that a customer left, "To the lady that just took my order, thank you for working so hard and being so kind, neither go unnoticed." Now what's interesting to me is that she posted this on a site for Chipotle employees and it went from there and just went viral nationally and I'm glad it did but it's kind of sad to me because it shows you how seldom this happens. Most of the time what they hear is complaints.

So this is a great example because it's free, it's easy, it's totally doable and clearly for her to post this and for her to get like thousands, tens of thousands of likes, it means that it really, really makes a difference when you notice people speak it to kids and co-workers and friends, "Your attitude is so good, I appreciate how hard you work, I appreciate your heart for the poor or you're such a good provider." Now that's much easier to do when you take these points in order.

Point one, you set the mental list I showed you earlier and let me just show it again if you didn't get a photo of it the first time. Try noticing these things and then once you have them as a mental list, this is what I'm honoring in this person, then you will notice them and then you speak them out loud. Now, I've heard some people say, "Yeah, but they don't always show these things. Sometimes I appreciate how they're receptive or sometimes I appreciate how they're nurturing, but they're not always like that, so can I still point that out?" Of course you can.

You're honoring people up into that character quality. Let me show you how Jesus did this. In John 15, Jesus did this all the time, but here's this one dramatic example. In John 15, He says, "I know," to His disciples, the night He is betrayed, before the betrayal, He says, "I no longer call you servants, but what? Friends." One chapter later, He says, "By the way, I know that you're all going to scatter and leave me completely alone." He knows they're about to all abandon Him. Knowing that in advance of what He knows will be their abject failure, He still looks at them and calls them friends because He knows this will make it much easier for them to return.

You see, the test of honor is when there are failures, betrayals, and mistakes. What often happens is we tend to trap people in their history with us, but honor releases them from that. Honor enables you to see them according to how Jesus sees them. Here, Jesus doesn't trap them in their history. Jesus invites them into their destiny, and that's what we do for others when we honor them. This is what good leaders do, what good parents do.

Look at how the apostle Paul did this for the Corinthian Christians. He says, "I mean, look at this verse. This is incredible. I have the highest confidence in you. I take great pride in you. You have greatly encouraged me and made me happy despite all of our troubles." Who's he saying this to? Who is it? The Corinthians. This is his most troublesome congregation. These people are getting drunk on communion wine and all kinds of other sketchy stuff. Now, by the time he writes 2 Corinthians, they probably repented of that stuff, but they're like this continual fountain of chaos in his life.

His highest maintenance group, and he speaks these words to them. And this is consistent through all of his epistles. He always is honoring people up. You know, people do not have to be perfect for you to honor them with their words. There's always something worthy of affirmation in them. Now, does this mean be silent about error? Does this mean you don't correct your kids? Does this mean when you see somebody lost in sin, you just live and let live? Of course not.

At the risk of saying the obvious, if your friend's caught in an addiction, the most loving thing you can do is an intervention. If your child throws a tantrum and demands you buy a toy, the most loving thing you can do is not buy the toy. But that kind of correction works best when there is a foundation of honor established in the relationship. And this is true in our culture too. You know, think about it. Our political and social polarization is not going to stop once we all agree, because we're never going to all agree. But we can all honor one another. Wouldn't that be a breakthrough?

And we might find that we actually get more of the stuff that happens to be on our agenda done, because we're establishing a foundation of honor with people. Martin Luther King Jr. Day is Monday, and he talked about this over and over and over and over. He said things like this, "Look, our ultimate aim is not to seek to defeat or humiliate the opponent, but to win his friendship and understanding." Now, look at this important distinction. It is evil we are seeking to defeat, not people.

The Bible puts it this way, "Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers." The forces of evil in the heavenly realms. You know, this is very, very, very, very, very important, because it mitigates against this demonization of opponents that we see all around us, even in Christian culture. If you attack somebody and you dishonor somebody, what happens is they just curl up into a defensive ball, right? But if you honor them, then you may actually open them to a conversation and change them, change yourself, change the world.

So speak the best to others. And let me just say this. As a pastor, I've probably officiated hundreds of funerals. And what usually happens is person after person gets up and says wonderful things about the deceased. And I always wonder to myself, "Did you say those things to them while they were alive?" Don't wait. You know, eulogize one another now. See the best, speak the best, and then third, assume the best of others.

What is your go-to response? Just be honest here. I want to challenge you. What is your go-to response when you meet somebody who on your social index cards you would tend maybe not to want to honor? And I don't know who that is for you, but maybe it's, "Oh, here comes a Democrat." Or, "Here comes a Republican." Or look, "Oh, here comes somebody they just pulled into the church parking lot with a diversity bumper sticker on their car." Or, "Oh, that's somebody with an American flag bumper sticker on their car." What do you assume about that person? You know?

Yeah, that person driving their electric vehicle that they recharge at home made from a generator that they made to run on hemp biofuel is now lecturing me all about their compost pile. Do you assume the worst virtue signaling hippie? Or do you assume the best? They genuinely care about stewarding the earth. Maybe I can learn something from them. Or maybe you are the hemp biofuel person, and for you it's the guy in the pickup truck with a gun rack. And you assume probably some conspiracy theory insurrectionists, right?

How about this? How about we all try assuming that the person who has a passion for something that you totally can't relate to and disagree with actually came to that position out of sincere conviction? Now you don't have to agree with them, ever. But you can assume the best about their motives. But assuming the best has a more practical effect in your relationships than even that. Look at 1 Corinthians 13. "Love does not dishonor others." If you're a loving follower of Jesus Christ, you do not dishonor people. Not ever. Not ever.

Love never gives up. Love never loses faith. Love is always hopeful. Love endures through every circumstance. Now, what does that mean always hopeful? Well, let me explain it to you this way. In every relationship between expectation and behavior, there is a gap. You've heard me talk about this many times. For example, you said you'd be here at 4, now it's 5, you're not here. There's a gap between my expectation and your behavior. You said you'd do these chores, they're still not done. You said we could do this on vacation and we didn't get to do it. It can be deep, it can be shallow, but at some point there is a gap between expectation and behavior.

Now here is the choice you make every single time that happens. You put something into that gap. Your assumptions. Into that gap, you either assume the best of why that happened or you assume the worst. Every single time, it's really either one or the other. Now here's why this is so important because we tend to imagine that if you find a happily married couple for many, many years and they're still in love or when you find a really happy family, the way that happens is there's no gap. Reality always meets expectations.

But the truth is you will not find one relationship where there is no gap. What you'll find is families who fill that gap this way, they assume the best. That goes for marriages, it goes for relationship with your kids, it goes for your coworkers, it goes for your boss. You don't infer a diabolical motive. You infer the best. That's honoring. I mean there is a lot to say. There's some cultures where honor just comes naturally. The American culture is not one of those cultures. So this is something you and I need to be very intentional about.

But this is part of not just creating an honor culture, this is part of creating a distinctly Christian culture. But before I close, let me just address this. Why should I honor? What's my motivation? This is so important. I had a public school administrator up in the Bay Area one time tell me, "You know, Renee, we have never taught about honor and respect in schools more than ever and I have never seen more bullying at school than ever." Why? Telling people to honor other people can't just be a set of rules. It's got to come from deep inside.

Look at the apostle Paul. I was reading 1 Timothy the other day, one of the apostle Paul's very last letters. Paul treats everybody with great respect. Why? I think this is a clue. Look at his mentality. He says, "I am grateful," don't miss this, "to the one who has strengthened me, Christ Jesus our Lord." Because he considered me faithful, putting me into ministry even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor, an arrogant man. But I was treated with mercy. The grace of our Lord poured out abundantly on me.

He's like, "Man, I'm so overwhelmed by the fact that somebody who was completely undeserving got a call from God." On Paul's social index cards, it said violent, blasphemer, persecutor, arrogant, anti-Christian, and God's like, "Yeah, let's just throw those cards away. Here's my new card for you. You're going to be my ambassador to the kings." And the same thing happens to you. Paul goes on, he says, "This saying is trustworthy and deserves full acceptance. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners and I'm the worst of them all." This is why he didn't judge anybody else because he's like, "I'm the worst."

But here is why I was treated with mercy. So that in me as the worst, Christ Jesus could demonstrate his utmost patience as an example for those who are going to believe in him for eternal life. He's like, "Don't you understand how God honored you?" God, there's nobody more up than God. To him, all honor should go, but he chose the dishonor of the cross to honor you with his grace. On your little social cards, you might feel like, "I don't know about. I don't know if I deserve to follow Jesus because I have all kinds of bad stuff on my cards." Maybe like some of those first disciples, Jesus called.

And God's like, "Right. Well, I wrote a new card for you and it says chosen and graced and child of God and called of God and destiny from God. Who cares what's on the social card other people assign you to? Here's how I choose to honor you." And once you internalize that, once you allow that to overwhelm you, once you're truly grateful for that, then that kind of grace just overflows from you to everybody else. This is why we need to keep preaching the gospel to ourselves and this is why dishonoring people, including our opponents, is so anti-Christian because there's another word for treating people with honor. You know what that word is? Grace.

You're just treating people with grace. And when you dishonor people, it subverts the most essential message of Christianity, which is the gospel of grace to all. And once you get that, then you can't help but respond like Paul does in the next verse and I'm going to end with this. Now to the eternal king, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen? Amen. Let's pray.

Lord, I just ask that you would help us as a church develop a true culture of honor. But when we talk about honor, I know it all begins and ends with you. To you be all honor just for being God. And when we think that you chose to leave your glory to come into the dishonor of a manger and the dishonor of a cross so honor can be given from you to us, may we be overwhelmed with that and maybe radiate that same kind of honor to everybody around us.

After all, it's your kindness that led us to repentance and I pray that that would be the same way we all operate as believers. And Lord, I pray that Twin Lakes would be and is a great example of that. But I pray that it would be all to your glory and to your honor alone. And we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.