Set Free from Self-Destructive Patterns

I want you to grab your message notes that look like this from the inside of your bulletin. Set Free is the name of our series in the book of Colossians. Colossians is part of the New Testament in the Bible. It is a letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to some of the very first Christians in history in the city called Colossae. And this morning we're going to talk about how to be set free from self-destructive patterns. That's in Colossians chapter 3.

And to kind of orient you to today's passage in this book, just a quick show of hands. How many of you have ever seen that TV show called "What Not to Wear?" How many of you have seen this show? Really? Okay, show of hands. All right, how many of you live in secret fear that this program will discover you? Yeah, me too. How many of you wish that you could turn in somebody you know to the crew of this show to improve them? How many of you are sitting next to them right now?

Well, if you haven't seen the show, what they do is they find people who are desperate for clothing advice and they turn them completely around with a personal makeover. And they often say things like, "Look, you are not wearing clothes that are reflective of who you really are, of what is happening right now in your life." For example, this is a young woman named Megan and just kind of a quick quiz, where does it look like Megan is from? From Santa Cruz, that's right. She's actually from San Francisco, but that's very close, right? And a couple of guesses as to Megan's job. What do you think she does for a living? She works at a coffee shop and she is a musician. That's right, you guys got it.

But she is getting a following up in the city. She's starting to sell out gigs and she has a CD out and so she wants to dress more like the success she is and so they help her out, right? To be more like the person that she actually is becoming. Here's another example. Melissa is an NYPD officer who dresses just like her twin when she's not working her beat. The problem is her twin is her brother. She hides herself in oversized men's clothes, at least two sizes too big for her, so they tell Melissa, "Wear women's clothing and try to dress like the person that you really are and not like your twin brother."

And it's really amazing the things that they do. One more example. Ellen is a woman who has lost 120 pounds in the past two years, but she still wears her old clothes. Isn't that interesting? She dresses in her old moo-moo's and her big scarves and so on. As you can see, she is completely different, but her self-perception has not changed. And so they give her a great makeover and they told her, "Why don't you dress like who you really are?"

You say, "Why are you bringing up this program, René?" Well, in a sense, in today's passage from Colossians, the Apostle Paul is doing sort of a spiritual "what not to wear." In fact, in the original Greek language in this passage, he actually uses the terminology of a clothing makeover. He uses phrases like this, "You have taken off your old self with its passions and desires, so put on the new self. Clothe yourselves with compassion. Put on love." He is literally saying, "Don't dress in the old, cruddy, stinking clothes of your past life where the new clothes that go with your new identity, just like they do on that show, 'What not to wear.'

Now, let me ask you this. Why would the Apostle Paul, kind of a real manly man type of a guy, why would he be using clothing makeover metaphors like this? Well, as always, check this out. He knew who he was writing to. The city he's writing to, the city of Colossae, was a center of the ancient clothing industry. The land around it had huge pastures that became home to huge flocks of sheep, and so the area became a center for the ancient wool industry.

Plus, Colossae was a major stop on the trade route through this part of the world, which led to its status for a while as a fashion capital, and in fact, it became especially famous for this, the dark red wool cloth that it was associated with. There was a dye that was made there for wool in Colossae that was actually named after the city. It was called Colossinum, and people would travel from far and wide, literally from all over the known world, to get Colossinum wool. It was a center of the ancient fashion industry, and so Paul uses language they knew.

Paul is so clever at this, he does this all throughout the New Testament, and he's so brilliant, particularly, at using this metaphor. Let me give you just a little bit more context here. In the first century Roman Empire fashion culture, there were three essential items of clothing. All we usually think of in ancient Rome is one item of clothing, which is what? The toga. Right. How many of you ever have been to a toga party? You can confess at its church. Just come clean. Okay.

Regardless of what you did when you were in college, the ancient Romans did not merely wear togas. In fact, the ancient Rome would have looked at you and said, "What are you doing if you would have just worn a toga?" Because their most basic part of their clothing was the tunic, which was sort of like a long t-shirt that everybody wore. And then over that, if you were a Roman citizen, you'd wear a toga, which was basically a long sash, which would be worn over your left shoulder and then in varying lengths, just kind of worn around your body like this, sometimes draped up on your right arm and wrapped around your body.

And then all men also wore a signet ring, and the signet ring had your personal seal of identity on it, almost like your signature. But this is very important for you to understand. You did not wear your clothes because you saw them in a store and liked them and picked them out. Totally unlike our culture. In fact, do me a favor right now, just for a second, whether you're here in the auditorium or watching over in Munsky in the venue service, I want you to just kind of look down at your clothes right now. Look at your pants while you're sitting there. Look at your kind of your shirt. Look at what you're wearing, right?

And I want you to ask yourself a question. How many of you are wearing what you are wearing today because of comfort? That was your choice because basically your clothing choices are based on what does not itch. That is you, right? Okay. Now, how many of you, if you're honest, choose your clothes at least a little bit, like maybe one half of one percent based on what's fashionable or what's cool? I'll admit it. That's part of my decision making, absolutely. How many of you wore what you wore today based on what was clean? It was the only thing clean and so that's what you put on.

All right. These are all clean, cool, comfort. These are all reasons that we choose our clothing, right? In those days, that was not why you chose your clothes. In those days, everything about your clothes, the style you wore, the colors you wore, the fabric, the decoration, the pattern, it all denoted who you were, your status, your group. So you could look at a crowd of people like this in ancient Rome, no, instantly, oh, he's a slave. He's a senator. Oh, she's married to a wealthy landowner citizen.

Let me make this clear. Your clothes did not change your identity. Okay. Your clothes showed your true identity. Your clothes didn't change who you were. Your clothes showed who you actually were. So let's backtrack here. If you remember so far in our study in Colossians, Paul has been saying to the Christians at Colossae, spiritually, your identity has changed. You've been set free from all your old chains. And then here in these verses, what he's saying is, so you don't have to wear those old, stinking slave clothes anymore because they don't show your identity.

You got to dress as who you really are in your attitude, in your soul. I'll show you what I'm talking about. Starting in verse five, he says, "Put to death therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature." And then he comes up with a list for the next couple of verses. Sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry. And then this is serious stuff. He says, "Because of these," because it hurts his children and God loves his children, "because of these, the wrath of God is coming." Now, you used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived in your old identity, but now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these.

They're dirty diapers. They're old, rotten, stinking clothes. Anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language from your lips. Don't lie to each other. In other words, take those old clothes off because they don't suit you anymore. They don't reflect your true identity. Now, truth be told, most of us here today do not want to do those things, right? That's part of the reason. Most of us here, all of us here, struggle with some of those things, at least. I do, right? We all struggle with some of these things, but we don't want to. That's probably part of the reason that you're here in church today.

So I want to concentrate on the question today, yes, but how? How do I stop? You see, most sermons I heard growing up on passages like this focused on the bad list. Basically, they were three-point sermons. Point one, God says not to do these things. Then they would go on at length and do word studies on all the bad things. Point two, yet you do these things. And then they would come up with statistics about how many Christians still do these things. Point three, you shouldn't do those things. Let's close on a word of prayer. Not very helpful, right? I already know how to sin. I'm pretty good at it. I don't need more explanation about that.

Most of us already know we have problems in at least some of these areas. What you want to know is, how do I change? Well, check this out. This is where the Bible kind of reflects modern scholarship, as it does again and again to an amazing degree. Studies have shown that self-destructive behavior is often rooted in four things. Jot these down. First, self-perception. That is, I often think of myself in terms of my faults, right? It's just like me to lose my temper. I'm just a hot-headed Italian. I'm a hot-headed Irishman. I'm a hot-headed Asian. I've heard so many excuses, right? It's just like me to be late to everything. I'm just a procrastinator. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Second, resentments from ways I've been treated in the past. And so I live in the past, and I go around angry all the time, very closely related to this third root cause, pain. People are in pain from their past, from bad stuff that's happened. And their addiction or self-destructive actions, whether it's sexual promiscuity or alcohol or drug abuse or anger or something else, it brings them temporary pain relief, they think, from their pain. And then fourth, negative influences. Songs we listen to, people we hang out with, they all tell us, "It's no big deal to live in ways that are ultimately self-destructive."

So look at these four things. The bottom line is, we need to deal with these root issues, not just tell ourselves to stop. That's how I change my life. And that, listen, that is the difference between legalism-based change and grace-based change. Listen carefully. Maybe you have come to church your whole life. Maybe you've gone to seminars. You've gone to support groups. You've read books, and you still haven't really changed. In my observation as a pastor, it's because so much of us focused so much on changing our surface behavior, and not on those four root issues.

But I want you to observe how Paul deals with exactly those four root issues in that order in the next few verses that we're going to look at. And since he uses a clothing metaphor, I will too. You could say that first, he says, "I need to wear my ID." I need to wear my ID. Remember in Rome, they all wore a signet ring that was unique to that individual person. It was their identification. And Paul's saying, "Don't forget to wear your ID, your identity, of who you really are." He says, "Here's who you really are. You've taken off the old self with its practices."

Watch this now. "And you've put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge, in the image of its creator." You're being renewed in the image of God. In fact, I want you to circle two words there. Circle new and renewed. That's you. You're new. And even when you fall, you're constantly, by God's grace, being renewed.

If you're a sports fan, you've heard a lot in the last couple of weeks about Jeremy Lin, who has electrified basketball fans. And from what I have learned so far, I really like this guy. Super smart Harvard grad, a local guy from Palo Alto, plays for the Knicks now, outspoken Christian. And he says that his Christianity has helped his game. Not in the sense of, "Jesus is my good luck charm," right? But in the sense of, it helps him focus. Because he says, "Christianity teaches that the past is past, and God gives you a fresh start every day.

Important for him to know, because he was let go by two NBA teams. He was constantly being cut and disrespected. He made mistakes and so on. And of course, now sports psychologists are weighing in on all of this. I was reading an article this past week on the Discovery Channel website of all places. One guy, Sean Bellock, the author of a book called "Why Athletes Choke," says this, and I love articles like this, because here's how he's saying, as a scholar, I see Jeremy Lin's faith helping him.

He says, "Focusing on the future, rather than why you failed in the past, prepares you to perform at your best, when you're focused on failing. Oftentimes, you try to control every aspect of what you're doing, and you essentially screw yourself up." Well, I read that and thought, "He's onto something there, because that's precisely the difference between legalism and grace. Legalism does try to control. Legalism does try to focus on failure. And ironically, the commandment that was meant to curtail sin, as Paul says elsewhere, actually ends up enticing us to sin.

But grace focuses on how God sees you already, as new, renewed, holy, blameless. It's about reflecting your new identity." And Paul goes on to say more about your identity, and think about revolutionary this was. Here, here in the body of Christ, here, there's no Greek or Jew. There's no circumcised or uncircumcised. There's no barbarian or Scythian, who are like the worst of the barbarians in those days. There's not even any slave or free. This is 2,000 years ago he's saying this. Imagine how revolutionary this is.

But Christ is all and is in all. He's saying all those little ways you used to judge a book by its cover, based on how people were dressed externally or how they looked externally. He says, "That's all gone in Christ. That's all your old identity. Now you have a new identity," which is what? "As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved." I want you to circle words that could change your life. Circle the words chosen and holy and dearly loved. That is you. That is your identity. If you've simply placed your trust in Christ, you're chosen and you're holy and you're dearly loved by the creator of the universe. Never forget that.

In fact, say out loud, "I am chosen. I am holy. I am dearly loved." Say it with me. "I am chosen. I am holy. I am dearly loved." Now say it like you mean it. "I am chosen. I am holy. I am dearly loved." Never forget it. If you've been going here any length of time, you've heard me tell the old story, it's a short story, of the Whisper Test. I tell that story a lot because I love it so much. And so I'm just going to tell it again.

The author, Mary Ann Bird, writes about something that happened to her. She says, "I grew up knowing I was different." And I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate. And when I started school, my classmates made it clear how I looked to others. A little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. I was convinced there was nobody outside my family who could love me. There was, however, a teacher in the second grade, Mrs. Leonard. She was short, round, and happy. A sparkling lady.

Annually, we had a hearing test. Mrs. Leonard gave it one at a time to everyone in the class. And finally, it was my turn. As we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting across the room would whisper something that we students would have to repeat back. It was usually an innocuous phrase like, "The sky is blue." Or, "Do you have new shoes?" I stood there when it was time for my test. And I heard words that God must have put into her mouth, because those seven words changed my life. Right there in front of my whole class, Mrs. Leonard said in her stage whisper, "I wish you were my little girl."

"You're chosen. You're dearly loved." God looked at you and said, "Oh, I wish you would just come home to me. I love you so much." So you see how this addresses that first root cause of self-perception so dramatically. You can take off those old garments of hurt, feelings, and horrible self-esteem from your old life when you felt unloved and unchosen. And no matter what society may tell you, you remember what God tells you. You remember who you are right now, beloved of God.

But what about that second root problem of resentment? Well, Paul says, "Remember to clothe yourself. I need to clothe myself in grace. Clothe myself in grace." I really love this next verse, because look at all the ways he's basically saying the same thing. You know, take off all that old stuff and replace it with this. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with one another. Always really of saying the exact same thing, be gracious.

He's saying, "That's your brand as a Christian. That's what kind of clothes you wear. That's how when people see you in a group they know, oh, and that's a Christian one. It's not based on the t-shirt you wear or a bumper sticker on your car. It's based on the fact that you're radiating grace because you've been graced by a gracious God." This is so important. Listen, we're living in an era where part of Christian culture is telling us it's too much in lockstep with the rest of culture.

And it's telling you that the way to get noticed if you're a Christian is to be pugnacious and loud mouthed and opinionated and in the name of truth telling, be all of those things, be just like the world, right? Only on a different subject. But Paul's saying, "No. This is how they'll know that you're a Christ follower." And then he goes on, "And forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Just forgive it all." Now again, this is hard. You know what? We human beings love anger. We love outrage. We love to be mad at someone or something. We love it.

How else do you explain so many soap operas, so much music, so many movie plots, so many TV shows, so many radio talk shows that are based on being outraged and rooting for somebody who's seeking revenge? So this is very counter-cultural. So what do we get our motivation to forgive? Circle the phrase, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." All this would be just so much positive thinking. If it wasn't anchored in a historical reality. Remember now what Paul's been saying in Colossians. In Jesus, God actually came to earth and actually paid for our sins and actually died and actually rose again and actually gave us a real new identity.

That's what anchors all of this and makes much more than just positive thinking or wishful thinking. "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Now maybe you're saying, René, you're being blib because you have no idea how I've been hurt. Sure, God could forgive. He's God. But there's been bad things that have happened to me. And I don't think I can forgive. Well, I want to tell you an interesting story. A book came out a couple of years ago called Picking Cotton. It's a true story. It tells the story of a woman named Jennifer Thompson, who when she was in college was assaulted and raped.

And later in the police lineup, she identified a man named Ronald Cotton as her assailant. Although he insisted he didn't do it, he was convicted. The only problem was she was wrong. And finally, after 11 years behind bars, a third of Ronald's life, he was proven innocent by both DNA evidence and eyewitness testimony. So he was pardoned. He got out of prison. He got married. He found a job. And he and Jennifer wrote this book about their experience. And I want you to hear them both in an interview from a few years ago.

They talked about how Jennifer arranged a meeting with him at her church. I remember him walking into the church and I physically could not stand up. Too much nervous. Scared. I started to cry immediately. And I looked at him and I said, "Ron, if I spent every second of every minute, every hour for the rest of my life telling you how sorry I am, it wouldn't come close to how my heart feels." "I'm so sorry." And Ronald just leaned down. He took my hands. Oh gosh. And he looked at me. He said, "I forgive you." I told her, I said, "Jennifer, I forgive you. I want you to look over your shoulder. Then I just want us to be happy and move on in life."

The minute he forgave me, it's like my heart physically started to heal. And I thought, "This is what grace and mercy is all about. This is what they teach you in church that none of us ever get." And here was this man who with grace and mercy just forgave me.