I Don't Need to Fear the Future

So this weekend we're continuing our light bulb moment series. So whether you're in the main service or in venue you can pull out those sermon notes in your bulletin. If like me you've been traveling during the summer and in and out of town then you may have missed Paul, Mark, Craig or Renee's light bulb moments. You can find all of those online at TLC.org and they are definitely worth listening to.

I'm honored to be here today sharing one of my more significant light bulb moments but before I jump into that a little bit about me. I was born and raised in San Jose, one of those valley transports and I really don't want to go back. My dad is a pastor and my mom, he recently retired after 37 years of serving at the same church and my mom is a licensed marriage and family counselor. My parents relocated to Scotts Valley in May and they're regular Twin Lakes attenders now and they're somewhere here, right there, they're right there.

And my dad is speaking at Encore next Wednesday so you should check that out. He's a very wise man and I've learned a lot from listening to him. Here's a picture of my family taken sometime in the 1980s. We all have like more hair on one side of our heads than the other. It's like 1985 or something like that. I'm the youngest one in the white by my dad and I'm the youngest of three girls as you can tell. My poor dad only had the male cat to commiserate in our house and all three of us were actually born on Tuesdays and in church the following Sunday and we didn't miss many in between then and now.

As a child I enjoyed reading and doing puzzles so much so that my mom put me in dance when I was three years old because she thought I needed more activity and if you know me now you find that kind of ironic because I spend most of my leisure time being active. I love trail running and mountain biking with my dog and I recently picked up surfing again probably due to the influence of a few pastors on staff. And I love junior high students. They're amazing and so often underestimated.

They're just beginning to think critically. They're all whacked out on hormones as they transition from childhood into like the weird adolescent stage and then eventually to adulthood. And they say funny and sometimes inappropriate things but they also have incredible insight and every weekend I get to listen to them pray and I learned so much from their faith. As I mentioned earlier I'm the youngest of three girls. There's an 18 month gap between my two older sisters and then I'm four and five and a half years younger.

So once we hit our 20s and 30s those years didn't matter that much but during the stages of childhood I was a little bit behind. And also as I mentioned my dad is a pastor so we were frequently used as sermon illustrations growing up and I'm pretty sure my dad never thought the roles would reverse and I'd be the one up here telling a story about him so dad this one is payback.

One day when I was five years old my dad sat my older sisters down to tell them some big news. I wasn't there at the time but from what I hear the conversation went something like this. This is my dad. So you know how we told you you were born in a hospital right? Yeah? Well that's not exactly true and now that you're old enough we think you should know the truth. Do you want to know where we really came from? Um yeah? Well we're not really from Earth we're from another planet and we were sent here as part of an experiment to colonize Earth but the experiment is over and the mothership is coming to pick us up and take us back to Alderaan.

That's right Star Wars fans it was 1982 and Alderaan was the first name for a planet that popped into my dad's head and he also knew that we would not make the connection so from there he spun an intricately detailed story about life on Alderaan. Realizing he had their complete attention he elaborated on the spot. The life he depicted would wet the appetite of any child. Our skin was really blue. We traveled from place to place on roller coasters and we ate something called Kriegelstang which he even made sound appealing even though I think it kind of sounds gross now and my sisters bought all of it so in their excitement they came running to find me and they said Jessica guess what we're not really from Earth we're from another planet and the mothership is coming to take us home.

Now if I learn anything in the first five years of my life it's that my sisters like to play tricks on me so being a savvy five-year-old I assumed this was the case and I went looking to my dad for reassurance so I found him I said daddy daddy we're not from another planet are we and he looked at me straight-faced and said yes honey and it's time to go home. Two things happened at that point. One I melted into a puddle of tears and my mom said John what have you done now and a light bulb came on my family is crazy.

However that's not the light bulb moment that I'm actually here to share about this morning not the one Renee wanted. I'm here to share a light bulb moment from my life about faith. Ralph Waldo Emerson defined faith as the rejection of a lesser fact in the acceptance of a greater fact. Faith requires that we reject one thing for the acceptance of another and most of the time it's not an easy task. Usually the toughest part of grabbing on to something else is letting go of what's already in your hand.

From the time I was 14 I wanted to be a teacher specifically a fifth grade teacher. I went to Wheaton College in Wheaton Illinois where I studied elementary education and Spanish. A few factors drew me to Wheaton both of my parents had gone there one of my older sisters had gone there and for some strange reason I wanted to live outside of California for college. Four years in the Midwest taught me I didn't belong there so I returned to California and started living and working at Mount Hermon.

In 2001 I was teaching middle school at Baymont Christian in Scotts Valley and at one point I was doing exactly what I went to school to do. I was teaching middle school history and Spanish and I thought I would do that for a long time maybe even the rest of my life. Then came 2008 a year I refer to in my life as the year of the break. It didn't all happen in one year but that was the year of my light bulb moment. Before I get to the particulars of that I'm going to fill in a few details.

In the fall of 2005 I had started work on a Masters of Divinity degree at Western Seminary. God was already redirecting my path from teaching to ministry. I was just a little slow to get on board with all of that. And as of January 2008 I had a year and a half left of seminary and I was going to continue to teach until graduation and maybe even after that.

The first break I experienced in 2008 was a literal and physical one. I broke my ankle in three places in a snowboarding accident and you know in the orthopedic surgeon says you broke it good it's gonna be a long recovery. So I was nine and I was non weight-bearing for nine weeks and I also couldn't drive during that time because it was my right ankle. So if you break your ankle break your left ankle and drive an automatic and you'll be fine.

I was forced to rely on people for rides to work, my seminary classes, grocery store runs and doctor's appointments. It was incredibly humbling and a very tough lesson in dependence as I had to rely on people in a way I hadn't since childhood. And I suddenly found myself with a lot of downtime because I couldn't bike or run but I could sit and I could think and I thought a lot about life and where I was at and what I was doing.

And so every year at Baymont we get our contracts and we have to decide every spring whether or not we want to sign on for another year of teaching. And for some reason in 2008 there was a really big struggle for me. I couldn't decide if I wanted to teach or not and I had a lot of doubts. Did I want to sign my contract? What would I do if I didn't? If I did teach another year would I regret it? Would I be one of those cranky teachers that should have left the classroom earlier? Would breaking away from teaching be another break of 2008? All of this swirled around in my head and I realized one of the biggest struggles I had was with it the potential impact on my identity of this decision.

Think about it. When people ask you what do you do? Do you say I fix plumbing issues at residences and businesses or I cut people open move around their insides and sew them back up? No, you identify yourself with a noun. You say I'm a plumber or I'm a surgeon and I would say I'm a teacher. I was used to saying that. I was comfortable with saying I'm a teacher. I didn't know what else I would say if I lost that piece of my identity.

And then of course there's the questions of what was next. I had a good full-time salaried benefited job that I enjoyed and my commute was five miles round trip. I was living the dream doing exactly what I thought I would do with my life. So who walks away from that? Was it crazy to even think about leaving? But above all those questions loomed a larger question. Was God calling me to something else?

So what did I do? Well I got when I got my contract I kind of buried it under the other papers on my desk and ignored it and then I headed to Northern California to go rafting. I couldn't bike or run but I could raft and I headed up to Kidder Creek which is a camp that Mount Hermon owns and operates in Northern California. I've worked at Kidder Creek on and off since 2002 as a backpacking rafting guide and over Memorial Day weekend they invite former staff and friends to come back and raft with them as they kick off their staff training.

And during a devotion that evening their then camp director said something that I will never ever forget. He said fear interrupts faith and causes us not to trust. I'm gonna have all of you read that with me. We ready? Fear interrupts faith and causes us not to trust. And with that single statement the light bulb went on. I realized my fears about the future were disrupting my faith.

I doubted God's continued direction and provision in my life. I wanted to know more before I stepped away from my teaching job. I wanted to know that God had something else for me. But the light turned on and I couldn't ignore that and I could faintly see through the darkness of my fear that God was calling me to something else. He didn't illuminate the entire path just that first step.

It was like getting up before sunrise to go on a hike and you start on the trail the lights dawning but your path isn't totally clear. I have no idea what else was said during that devotion but that one simple sentence fear interrupts faith and causes us not to trust changed everything. Immediately I realized that I shouldn't renew my contract that God was asking me to quit teaching and trust him with my future.

Of course more questions followed that decision. What was I gonna do? How was I gonna pay the bills? But I have to move. My family is here. My friends are here. I don't want to leave. But over and over again I came back to that same statement. I was struggling with an issue of trust. Did I really trust God? And I can't just say that I trust him or claim to have faith. I have to live it. Faith requires action.

So I did it. I came home from that weekend of rafting and I didn't sign my contract and I broke away from what I had known. From the life I thought I would have for myself. From the expectations I had for myself and from the expectations I thought other people had for me. And I stepped out into the unknown and what an amazing journey.

Looking back at that silly story that my dad told us about Alderaan I can see that same struggle with fear. I didn't want to leave the earth I knew for the planet my dad described even if it sounded amazing. I was comfortable. In my five-year-old mind I had everything I needed. Why would I want to leave something I know for something I don't know? And that same struggle that was there when I was five was there when I was 31 and if I'm honest it's still there today.

But you'll never reach home plate if you don't take your feet off of first base. And that is exactly what God asks us to do when we put our faith in him. He wants us to trust him completely through all of life circumstances. When we know the next step and when we don't. When we're relaxing in those green pastures and when we're stumbling through the dark valleys of life.

Of course it's much easier to say than to do. It's easy to say trust in God or have faith but to actually do that is incredibly challenging. And if you're anything like me you want to know all the twists and turns the path is going to take before you start walking it. But God doesn't tell us that. He asks us to take one or two steps at a time and as we take those steps it becomes easier and easier to walk in faith and to trust God.

For me the light bulb went on with that single statement. Fear interrupts faith and causes us not to trust. I realized I had to break away from what I knew and from what I thought my life would be and at the time it seemed like this big scary step. But now it allows me to look back and see that God was drawing me into something so much greater.

So for me moving from fear to trust required quitting my job, moving to another country, coming back, finishing seminary, and praying for a job in youth ministry. If your journey is exactly like mine we should hang out and grab coffee or go for a walk because we have a lot in common. But I'd venture to guess for every person in this room our stories are different but they all have the common fear thread of fear. We all have fears.

So what are your fears? What keeps you up at night? Maybe you're a student and you're just heading back to school or you're going to a new school and you're afraid what if people don't like me? What if I don't fit in or I don't find friends and I spend every day eating lunch alone? Or maybe you're a new parent and you have this precious little baby and you're afraid that you're gonna fail as a parent. You're afraid you're gonna repeat those mistakes that your parents made with you.

Or maybe you're a working professional and the company's going through a big reorganization and you're worried when all is said and done you won't have a job. How will you provide for your family? Or maybe you're getting older. Maybe you're what we call them our Zambia team a seasoned adult and you're worried about what the future is going to bring and you're declining health and if you'll be a burden on your family. We all have fears that keep us from trusting God.

So how do we let go of those fears and reach out for God's hand? How do we move from living in fear to walking in faith? You know we can learn a lot about this process from the Apostle Peter. Here's a quick review of what happened just to refresh your memory. Jesus and his disciples had been in the region of the Sea of Galilee and they were teaching people and feeding a crowd and Jesus sent his disciples ahead of him across the lake and he was gonna meet them there later and then Jesus went up on a mountainside to pray and get some alone time.

During the night a storm came up and the waves beat against the ship and the wind tossed it around and then early in the morning Jesus went to meet up with his disciples and he walked on the water to get there and when they saw him they started freaking out and they're like it's a ghost and Jesus said don't be afraid it's just me and Peter of course it's Peter because it's always Peter who opens his mouth said if it's you Jesus tell me to come to you walking on the water and Jesus says come and so Peter climbs out of the boat and starts walking on the water.

Peter gets a lot of flack for what happens next but before we get to that let's just look at the situation. There's 12 men there. One gets out of the boat. Eleven stay in the boat. So why was Peter willing to climb out of the boat? Matthew doesn't directly tell us. We don't get an insight into Peter's head and what he was thinking but we do know that Peter had been with Jesus for some time. He'd been traveling with him and learning from him and watching him do miracles. So Peter knows who Jesus is and he knows what Jesus has done and so Peter pulls on his past experience to have faith in his current circumstances.

The first step in moving from fear to trust is to remember what God has done. King David gives us an amazing example of this in Psalm 103. The first two verses read bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name. Bless the Lord O my soul and do not forget what he has done. And the whole rest of the Psalm David goes on to list the actions and attributes of God. He heals, he forgives, he satisfies, he works for righteousness and justice. David goes on for 22 more verses about who God is and how compassionately he loves his children.

You and I can follow David's example today. When life seems overwhelming and the future is unclear, look back. Pull out a piece of paper and a pencil and make a list of all the things that you have seen God do in your life and in the lives of people around you. When I find myself overwhelmed with worry about the future, I think of the story that I just told you. I think about how I have seen God be faithful and provide for me in my life. Psalm 13:5–6 are two Bible verses that I've come back to again and again and again in my life. They say, "But I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good." And I love those verses for three reasons.

One reason, because they remind me that God's love is unfailing. Like the song we sang, "Your love never fails and never gives up and never runs out on me." And I love that. Number two, it reminds me that my salvation is found in God and only in God. I did nothing to receive it and he is fully capable. And number three, it reminds me that God is good. And if God has been good in the past, then he's good in the present and he will continue to be good in the future. I can put my faith in God because God is faithful.

This past Friday I walked into a friend's house and there was a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote on the wall, another one, and I had probably seen that quote before, but it hit me in a new way because it related exactly to what I'm talking about here. And the quote said, "All I have seen teaches me to trust God for all I have not seen." So when you're worried about what's happening and what's going to happen in the future, look back. Remember what God has done.

Number two, the second step in moving from fear to trust is to focus on Jesus. Anybody here a mountain biker or a dirt biker? Maybe, maybe not a little bit. If you know me, you know I love to ride bikes. Currently I'm in a mountain biking phase. Before that it was a road biking phase. I love to pedal instead of motor. But when you're out on the trail, you look where you want to go. If you look at the rocks and you look at the ruts and you look at the trees or the sheer drop off on the side of the trail, that's exactly where you'll go.

If you pick a line and you point your bike in that direction and you follow that line, you'll go in that direction. You want to look where you want to go. And this is exactly what happens to Peter as he's walking on the water. He hops out of the boat. He's doing great. He's walking towards Jesus. But suddenly his focus shifts and he realizes what he's doing. And he's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm walking on water. This is impossible." And he starts paying attention to the waves and he starts listening to the howling wind and he gets scared. And when he does that, he shifts his focus and he begins to sink.

And we're all like Peter. We'll be living our lives. We're doing great. We're like, "Yeah, God. I totally trusted you. You've got it." And then something happens. A new worry arises or an old fear resurfaces and it overwhelms us. And we start looking at the problems in our lives instead of at Jesus. Psalm 121:1–2 says, "I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." This Psalm reminds us where to look. Instead of looking at what's coming at us and the obstacles, look up. Look to the Lord. He is your source of help and strength.

So you want to look in the direction you want to move. If you want to move towards Jesus, then keep your eyes on Jesus. So terrified by his surroundings, Peter begins to sink and as he's sinking and the water is about to swallow him up, he cries out, "Lord, save me." And Jesus does just that. He reaches down, pulls Peter up. He says, "Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And then they walk back to the boat and once they climb in, the wind dies down and the waves stop and the boat sails on.

In that moment of panic, did Peter actually think Jesus was powerless? Did he think his life was over? I doubt it. Remember, Peter is a fisherman. Prior to following Jesus, he had made his living on this exact body of water. He knew how to swim. He'd been in storms before. But in the middle of this storm, Peter specifically asked Jesus to save him. He knows that Jesus has that power. Not only to save him from this literal storm that he's in right now, but to save him from all the storms that are going to come in the future.

And so Peter shows us that we can trust Jesus with our tomorrow. He looks to Jesus to rescue him and walks back to the boat, confident in Jesus's love, grace, and power. In my college years, a disturbing thought started to plague me. I had had a pretty good life up till then, not without struggle or difficulty, but I had a solid family, a good education, a lot of opportunities, and sometime in college it hit me, what if the next 20 years are worse? What if they're full of sorrow and strife and I got all of God's blessings in the first 20 years of my life? What if it just runs out and God cuts me off?

Some of you may have thought that at some point in your life. You think God's goodness or blessings are going to run out like he has a limited supply, but that's not the case. Lamentations 3:21–22 says, "Because of the Lord's great love for us, we are not consumed. His compassion never fails. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness." God doesn't run out of love and compassion. He isn't sitting up in heaven with a limited supply, kind of doling it out stingily if you're good enough or if you didn't get some last time around.

I can trust in God's goodness and faithfulness because it's unlimited. He is infinite. There's an old hymn called "I Know Who Holds Tomorrow" which Alison Krauss recently recorded. There's a stanza that says this, "Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand, but I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand." I don't know what the future holds and I could drive myself crazy if I worried about tomorrow or the next day or next year or the next five years, but I don't need to worry. In fact, Jesus told me not to worry. He said, "You can't add any time to your life by worrying, so why bother? God's got it."

My light bulb moment and the journey that followed taught me to trust God with my tomorrows, but it's not just my tomorrows that I can and should and trust to God. As many of you know, I recently spent two weeks in Zambia with a team of 11. We went to an orphan center in Monza, Zambia. I think you all should go. It was amazing. And all of the children there are orphaned because of AIDS. They've been taken in by relatives or family friends and that's where they sleep. They come to the orphan center during the day and what it looks like for them to be taken in isn't maybe what you think.

They're not accepted as equal to other children in the family. They are given the menial tasks and household chores that nobody else wants to do. Most of them sleep on the floor without blankets and usually if they eat, they only eat the one meal at the orphan center. Rape and abuse are an expected part of life. Yet in the middle of that darkness, the orphan center shines a bright light. When they're not in school, the kids come to the orphan center and find true family and because of your donations and the donations of others, school fees are paid for, the kids get clothes, and the kids get fed.

And while we were there, we had the privilege of handing out Barbara Taylor's dress-a-girl dresses. The older girls didn't get them last time a group came through because they didn't have enough in the bigger sizes. So while we tend to think of orphans as little, there are a lot of 13 to 17 year old orphans and we ought to hand out dresses to them. So as we did this, their excitement was tangible. Their smiles and giggles contagious. Most of these girls had never had anything new and they were so excited to come in, pick a dress, and model it for us. It was one of the highlights of my trip. They loved having something that was made just for them.

From where I stand, the future of these girls looks bleak. Most girls there have their first child by the age of 15 and even if they finish high school, employment opportunities are limited. Life is tough. Early on during our time at the orphan center, a woman came by with her three children, a girl and two boys. And the two boys were named John and Kennedy. Yep, not kidding. This is a picture of Kennedy, the youngest of the two. And the woman told us, told Johan her story. Johan is a missionary that Twin Lakes supports in southern Africa. He started this orphan center and a few others like it and that's one part of what AFNET, his organization, does.

But the woman's husband had passed away two weeks earlier and she herself was dying and she desperately pleaded with Johan to take her children. Now the resources at the orphan center are pretty maxed out already and Johan has no idea where he's going to find the resources to care for three more children. But he couldn't turn her away and so every day after that the younger two boys were there. I think the older daughter was needed at home with the mom so we didn't see much of her after that. All 108 children at this orphan center have similar heartbreaking stories.

Upon returning home, our team members have wrestled with feelings of guilt over the excess and comforts of our culture. We have so much and they have so little. How can I live in the midst of such extravagance when they have nothing and they're in such poverty? How can I climb into my bed with my clean sheets and blankets when they're sleeping on the ground? How can I eat anytime I'm hungry when I know that maybe they didn't eat today? I did absolutely nothing to be born into the family and culture I find myself in and neither did they. None of us do.

I have to admit the thought of selling all I have and moving to Africa to be a missionary has crossed my mind multiple times since being home but that isn't necessarily the answer. Well God calls some to be missionaries and to leave home. He calls others to stay. There's a man that he heals, a demon-possessed man in Luke and once he's healed the man asks, "Jesus can I follow you?" and Jesus actually says, "No. Go home and tell what God has done for you." And so some of us are blessed to go and visit these places and then we get to come home and we get to tell you the difference that you're making through your donations and we also get to tell you what we have seen.

And one thing I've realized since returning home is that kids here need Jesus just as much as the kids in Africa and often it's our self sufficiency and wealth that keep us from recognizing that need. When it comes to trusting God with the future it isn't just my future that I surrender into his hands. It's the future of the kids I came to love in Africa. It's the futures of the kids in my junior high group many of whom are your children and it's the futures of my friends and my family.

In Zambia we sang the old song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands." I hadn't sung that song in years but it hit me in a new way as I listened to these beautiful African children sing and I had to trust in God. He's got the whole world in his hands. I'm here sharing with you today as a direct but not immediate result of that light bulb moment back in 2008. After quitting my job I moved to New Zealand for a few months and looked into a full-time job down there and then I came back in 2009 and powered through seminary my last semester substitute taught tutored and started looking for a job.

Right around when I was expanding my search to include states I deemed livable like Colorado, Oregon, and Washington. That's it. That's all. I heard that Twin Lakes had an opening for a pastor to junior high students and God knew what he was doing all along even though I was clueless which is normally the case. I had more connections to Twin Lakes than I could have imagined. My dad was a speaker at Camp Hammer back in the 1980s and I was a camper there when Mark, Paul, and Val all worked there. When I was a teacher at Baymont I had Renee's two older kids and one of Mark Halinga's daughters as students. Lori Schlepfer taught one of my seminary classes and I did an assignment in the missions department with Paul Spurlock as my supervisor but I didn't either I didn't know that or didn't think it mattered or was important when I quit my job.

17 months later I was hired here at Twin Lakes as the pastor to junior high students. Moving from fear to trust it's not a one-time lesson it's something you learn over and over and over again as you walk through life. I find that I cycle through this all the time. I'll be doing okay walking by faith trusting in God and then something happens. A new problem arises and I get blindsided and I begin to falter and when I do that I think of I echo the prayer of the father of a demon-possessed boy. In Mark 9 this man comes to Jesus and he says to Jesus hey if you can do something about that that would be great and Jesus kind of calls him on it and he says if and the man exclaims I have faith help me when my faith falls short.

When your faith seems to be falling short offer up that simple prayer I have faith help me when my faith falls short. We all have fears and anxieties and sometimes they grip us so tightly that it seems like we can't breathe. They cloud our vision and invade our dreams but God is offering us something greater. Let go of the lesser fact of your fear and accept the greater fact of God's faithfulness.

So when fear is overwhelming what do you do? Number one remember what God has done. Pull out your Bible. Read Psalm 103. Write your own psalm of the things that God has done in your life. Number two focus on Jesus. Don't get distracted by the fears and the obstacles but keep your eyes set in the direction you want to go. And number three trust him with tomorrow. God's got it. He knows what he's doing. He's got the whole world in his hands.

In Psalm 56:3–4 David writes, "When I am afraid I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise. In God I trust. I will not be afraid." If you were all junior high students and we were away at camp I would have you write your fears on small pieces of paper and then we do something with them like nail them to a cross or rip them into little shreds and throw them or better yet put them in the camp fire. But we're not. We're in big church so instead if you notice that the bottom of those sermon notes there's a blank and I would encourage you to write those fears that plague you those fears that wake you up at night.

Write those down in that blank. When I'm afraid of the future I will trust in you O Lord. When I'm afraid of being alone I will trust in you O Lord. When I am afraid of getting those test results back I will trust in you O Lord. Whatever it is write your fears down and surrender it to God. Trust in him. As we close in prayer we're gonna enter a short time of silence. Take a moment to surrender your fears to God. What fear do you need to release so that you may more fully trust in him?

Heavenly Father we put our hope and our trust in you. Help us when our fears and worries overwhelm us and our faith begins to falter. Help us to let go of our fear or anything else that keeps us from reaching out for your hand. Remind us of the good things you have done of your unfailing love and compassion. Remind us that we do not need to fear the future because you are with us. Help us to trust you with each tomorrow. In Jesus name, amen.