Love Is Not A Jerk

Well hello and good morning. Good morning balcony. Good morning. Good morning live stream. We hear you. We're glad you're with us, all of you. My name is Mark, one of the pastors here and we have been in a series last couple weeks called The Lost Art of Love and speaking of love during the greeting I got to speak with a very excited recently engaged couple and Paul and Sherry will you stand up so we can just congratulate both of you. Look at, so cute. Sherry's had that smile on her face for weeks, months. Anyway congratulations. We're happy for you.

Our series is based in 1st Corinthians 13 which is often read at weddings but it was not written for that purpose as we're gonna see today and for the last couple weeks we've been looking at what love is. Love is patient. Love is kind. Today we're gonna be looking at what love is not and in a nutshell love is not a jerk. That might be one of my favorite sermon titles of all time. Love is not a jerk. Now do you think our society, our culture needs to take this to heart?

I was speaking with my daughter on the phone the other night. She's away at college. She was catching me up on things going on and on one day this past week a man showed up on campus. He set up a sound system in the main plaza area in the center of the campus where students hang out between classes and the like and it seems that he had a sermon of sorts. He mostly just tried to provoke the students by yelling at them, telling them how terrible they were, that God was very angry with them and that they were all going to hell.

Strangely I went to the same campus almost 40 years ago as a student the same school and there was a guy, can't be the same guy, but it was another guy who would again periodically show up, set up his PA in the same place, say the same things and achieve basically the same result which was some students were offended, most were just amused, none of them were persuaded by anything he had to say but of course that wasn't his goal. He was just there to get a reaction, to stir the pots and create some noise.

In fact I can remember sensing he actually enjoyed the outrage. He liked being offensive and I think this is almost a microcosm of our cultural moment right now. It's like you know who can shout the loudest? Who can we tear down next? And we are immersed in a river of outrage inducing news and social media, so-called cultural influencers leverage fear and anger to gain followers and as long as you feel like your cause is righteous you can be mean, cruel, vulgar, a jerk.

Now I'm sure most of us live in a quieter way, more politely, but then again if you could see some of my thoughts in the past week you might be surprised. Anybody with me? In fact imagine if we could project all our thoughts just from this last week onto this big screen here. That would be something wouldn't it? It would be a little bit eye-opening and so this morning let's see what Scripture has to say again from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and by the way didn't Val just do a stellar job last weekend with her message? Thank You Valerie we're so grateful for you.

We are picking up where Val left off midway through verse 4 and going toward to verse 6 where the Apostle writes this "Love does not envy and it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." Now of course Paul didn't write these words in a vacuum. Okay there was a context and the church in Corinth was not you know famous for being virtuous. It was quite the opposite and so throughout this letter Paul is dealing with a number of various kinds of bad behavior and so to get a feel for this I mashed together a number of verses in the whole letter from elsewhere in 1st Corinthians and I want you to just kind of hear what Paul is dealing with here.

You get a sense of the context. He says "For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere human beings? Some of you have become arrogant. Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? No one should seek their own good but the good of others. So then when you come together it is not the Lord's Supper you eat for when you are eating some of you go ahead with your own private suppers. As a result one person remains hungry and another one gets drunk.

Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. When Timothy comes see to it that he has nothing to fear while he is with you for he is carrying on the work of the Lord just as I am. No one then should treat him with contempt." Are you getting the picture? I mean Paul even has to tell them "Hey yeah when Timothy comes don't beat him up." And among other things they are boasting about how permissive they were when it came to immorality in their midst.

And also when they gather together to share a meal they would reserve some time to observe the Lord's Supper communion. And if you were a free citizen and you had servants in your household you could likely show up early you know and say "Hey where's the food? Where's the drink? Let's get going here." But if you were a slave if you were poor you wouldn't be able to arrive until after you'd covered all your other obligations. In other words by the time you get there the party's over.

And so Paul says "Yeah one remains hungry and another gets drunk." And so Paul just pleads with them near the end of the letter. He says "Hey just do everything in love." I mean can we agree that that should at least be the goal? Because love is the antidote to what was plaguing them in terms of their behavior just as it's an antidote for the things going on in our culture our communities today.

And this brings us to the big idea in today's text because listen if we are going to understand why we act one way or another what we say what we value we each need to understand that love directs my actions. You might want to write that down. Love directs my actions because what we do is rooted in what we love. For example if I love sports you know likely gonna play sports I'm gonna watch sports I'm gonna listen to sports radio I'm gonna go to sporting events but it's not limited to the things that we enjoy.

When our kids were growing up we would take them to the dentist we take them to the doctor they did not love going to the dentist or the doctor but because we loved them we took them anyway. Maybe you've worked for years in a job that you don't like in fact you would say it's a job you hate but why do you do it? You do it out of love for people that you're providing for.

What we love who we love is such a powerful force in our lives that when Jesus was summing up basically here's how God wants you to live he simply says in Luke 10 love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself period. Because you don't have to worry about breaking God's commandments if you are loving him and loving others that love will compel you to do the right thing.

In fact with this in mind I got some just put it this way it's as simple as you can get love God and do whatever you please because love will provide kind of the appropriate moral ethical guide kind of guardrails in your life. You can't fully love God and be a jerk at the same time. Now it needs to be said that the only person who has ever perfectly loved God is who? That's the always the right answer in church in Jesus.

And yet that's why we're here to grow in our love for God and our love for each other. And I was thinking you know I could have called this message love is not a turkey because if you know anything about turkeys they are total jerks. I mean I know this because growing up we had turkeys and especially the Toms they're the worst. First of all they envy each other's food whatever one turkey has that then the other ones want that must be something about that.

They boast like all the time by puffing up their chests and they splay out their feathers on their wings and on their tails and and they'll just spend hours just doing this. And it's kind of like hey check me out man. I mean you can't touch this. I am so awesome and they just like a walking beach ball there's so much air and yet it's not a perfect system because they have these little tiny nostrils and air it leaks out you know every couple seconds it sounds like a cough they're like oh yeah you're nothing man.

I mean you you think that's puffed up this is puffed up and it's just like all they want. They never tire of it. And you know it's amusing when turkeys act well like turkeys right but when people are filled with with envy they're puffed up with pride when when people are rude self-seeking quick to anger slow to forgive look out.

And I don't think you'll ever you know hear a young child say mommy daddy when I grow up I want to be a jerk right. The greatest jerk ever but listen listen if you end up loving the wrong things it will determine the way you live and in ways that you will not look back with fondness.

And so let's just make this really practical. Yeah last two weeks we've had three memorial services and in each each time I've done I don't know probably well over a hundred memorial services and that's when there's a unique perspective because in those moments you're realizing it's it's not so important what's listed on my resume. What's far more significant is what's being said in my eulogy.

The things that really stuck the things that really mattered and so this is a vital importance we all want to look back and know that we left a legacy of love that we left people better because of the way we lived and so again making this practical I want to offer up three application questions and I hope that you will think about these things today and throughout the week because if love directs my actions the first question to ask myself is this how is love revealed in my focus?

My focus because love does not envy boast it's not proud rude self-seeking or easily angered because love does not focus on me. Me getting my way satisfying my desires feeding my ego me exalting my self. That is not the way of Jesus that's the way of the world and John talks about this in his first letter when he says if anyone loves the world the love of the Father is not in them for everything in the world the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes the pride of life all focus issues comes not from the Father but from the world.

And so John's saying if you love what the world does your focus will follow lust of the flesh left of the lust of the eyes the pride of life and so it behooves all of us to ask ourselves what dominates my thoughts? What have I been focusing on? Because here's the thing whatever captures your attention captures you.

In fact true story Harvard Business Review had an article about Disney executives who were wondering what most captured the attention of infants and toddlers when they were in their parks. It's a little bit scary that they're asking these questions right how do we get these kids right out of the gate but but anyway they actually hired researchers cultural anthropologists to observe these these babies as you know they would see costume characters go by or the animatronic characters what how they reacted when they would go by a ride or food or the toy store what would grab their attention and after several hours these researchers noticed that in fact those things didn't really capture the attention of these babies in a significant way at all.

The Disney magic had no kind of magic for these little ones. You want to know what captured their attention more than anything else? Their parents cell phones. Yeah because here's why even at a young age these little children could understand what held their parents attention which made the the phones a source of enticement for them. Wow mommy and daddy love it I might want in on that too.

But not only that but they also saw it as a rival for the attention that they craved for themselves. Ouch right? Now of course those parents love their children but love challenges us. Love exposes our focus when it drifts away from what matters most and so ask yourself how is love revealed in my focus?

And if you track how you spend your time how you spend your money where you focus your attention this will tell you who and what you love. Second question is this how is love revealed in my faith? Early in 1st Corinthians 13 Paul says this if I have faith that can move mountains but do not have love I am what? Nothing. He's saying look you can be a visionary leader in your church you can pray big prayers you can be a super achiever for Jesus.

I mean you can be faithful in Bible reading and church going and tithe giving but if you don't have love it doesn't matter. Faith without love is cold rigid judgmental and so it's no coincidence that when Paul over in Galatians 5 talks about the fruit of the Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit right are these character traits that God develops in our lives the very first thing on the list is what? Let's read this together the fruit of the Spirit is love and enjoy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self control you take love out of the equation and all these other character traits are hollowed out they seek or they cease to have real meaning.

I think back to that angry preacher that I would see on my college campus from time to time and generally speaking angry preachers believe in an angry God. It's reflecting the God that they they believe in and yet when Jesus was approaching Jerusalem where he knew he would be crucified what did he do? He wept over the very people that would call out for his death and when he's hanging on the cross he looks at them well again they're yelling at him they are mocking him and he says father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.

That's our God that's how much he loves us the God that says no matter what I love you and then as we receive that love we understand that love Jesus says now as I have loved you so now you shall love one another. Now of course this is impossible to do in our own strength you can't just kind of work yourself up into loving the way that Jesus does but listen when when my heart is inflamed with the love of Jesus and my faith is informed by the love of Jesus then his spirit is going to empower me to love people that frankly it would be impossible for me to love otherwise or in fact I might not even notice them they're just completely off my radar.

Tomorrow morning my wife Laura and I along with some other adults are going to be taking our Twin Lakes Christian School seventh graders down to Mexico for a week-long mission trip we do this every year and you know I I don't mean to be uncharitable but the typical seventh grader is not famous for their concern for people around them right we were all seventh graders we all know but during this coming week they will be serving orphans in an orphanage down there I can't show the orphans for security reasons but there's about a hundred of them that live their lives there and our kids will be interacting with them playing with them and when those kids are in school our kids will be doing service projects they'll be mixing cement they'll be getting their hands dirty and doing all sorts of stuff to be of service to this ministry in other words they will be expressing their faith through love.

And you know what when they come back at the end of this week they will be changed their hearts are gonna be a little bigger their perspective is going to be broader and they will be just a little bit more compassionate than they were five days earlier and so again I encourage all of us to ponder these things how is love revealed in my focus how is love revealed in my faith and then finally what does love require me to forgive the kind of Paul the kind of love that Paul is talking about is not just you know emotional feelings or affections it includes that but it also includes as kind of its foundation a choice I choose to love I choose to hold the other person in high regard and so as a result love keeps no record of wrongs pulses in other words love doesn't take inventory love doesn't keep a little list that I go over and check and yep they're still there because as a follower of Jesus I can't say I love you and also say but I'll never forgive you.

Eventually Jesus doesn't give us that option and just because Paul wrote inspired scripture and even though he was second to Jesus the most influential Christian in history he was also human and even Paul had to learn how to forgive because early in his ministry he had a ministry partner named Barnabas and they would go and and share the gospel and in acts 12 Paul and Barnabas go on a mission trip together and they're joined by a young man named Mark who's a relative of Barnabas but it doesn't take long for Mark to get homesick and so before the trip is over he jumps on a ship and goes back to Jerusalem he's just kind of done he quits a while later acts 15 Paul and Barnabas are gonna go on another mission trip and Barnabas invites mark to join them once they can give him a second chance like I think you could stick with it this time and when Paul hears this he says no no way mark bailed on us marks a liability why would we want to set ourselves up for disappointment yet again and Paul and Barnabas have such a sharp disagreement they end up parting company they their partnership breaks up and why it's because Paul the mighty Apostle Paul was keeping a record of wrongs on mark again very human story and yet we also know how the story ends because eventually Paul would practice what he preaches here in 1st Corinthians 13 because by the time he writes his letter to the Colossians look what he says my fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings as does who mark the cousin of Barnabas you have received instructions about him if he comes to you welcome him in other words marks my guy take good care of him and in Paul's letter to Timothy he says get mark and bring him with you because he is helpful to me in my ministry not a liability he is helpful love keeps no records of wrongs and Paul had to own his own words on this one just as we do.

And so let me just ask as we wrap up here and I ask this with humility and and love is it possible you're holding on to something that you need to let go holding on to some sort of grievance is it possible there's someone still on your bad list so to speak if so I invite you to think about how long will you keep them on the list how long what will that achieve will it bring healing no it will not the only thing that will bring healing is forgiveness and listen I'm not saying this happens overnight didn't happen overnight for Paul and it doesn't happen overnight for us the forgiveness is a journey it is a process but like every journey it starts with that first step and often that first step looks like a choice to say Lord I don't know I'm gonna do this but I want to forgive you're just kind of opening the door you just kind of cracking it I don't know if I can do it Lord but I want to do it will you help me that's the first step and for some of us it may well be that that first step is today when you say the s Lord I want to forgive and to be clear I'm not saying that you know things will go back to the way they were in terms of that relationship it may look very different going forward and especially if you were in some sort of abusive situation forgiveness does not look like you go back in for more abuse nor does it mean that we sidestep the role of the law or the justice system what it means is that in your heart you let it go you cancel the debt you resigned from beat from being you know the judge and the prosecutor and you let Jesus be Jesus and you trust that he will judge justly.

And I know it meant it seems so hard to even bring ourselves to that but and frankly it's because the pain is real and what the person did to you was wrong but I can tell you from my own experience as hard as you think it is often it's not as hard as you think because once we invite Jesus in he will meet you he will walk with you in fact he will rejoice with you every step of the way because forgiveness leads to freedom and Jesus wants us to be free and so is it just possible that Jesus is whispering in your ear right now let it go let it go some of you it's apparent you need to forgive for others as a spouse or or ex-spouse or a friend a relative an employer some of us just need to forgive ourselves because here's the thing the longer we carry that record of wrongs the heavier it gets you can be assured of that so let it go you can trust Jesus you can trust his love let it go and Jesus will set you free.

Let's pray Heavenly Father we thank you for your goodness and your grace we thank you for the fact that we can call you our father we are your children and you love us you want the very best for us you want us to flourish and of course the key to that is love and so Lord would you fill our hearts with even more love today would your love find rich soil in our hearts today so that it might bring about even more fruit of the Spirit and of course the cardinal virtue of that is love and for those of us Lord who are struggle to struggling to reconcile issues in our past we're struggling with people in our presence that quite frankly they annoy us they provoke us they confound us sometimes Lord help us to see them with new eyes the eyes that you have that that you love them your son died for them and so Lord give us that kind of gracious perspective I ask we thank you again for your goodness and your grace we pray these things in the beautiful name of Jesus Christ and all God's people said amen.