Finding Power to Forgive

Well good morning my name is René another one of the pastors here. Welcome to everybody joining us live in the auditorium and everybody joining us via Facebook live and everybody over in the venue service wherever you are it's just great to have you with us here.

We are in a series on King David. Now if you are just joining us for the first time this weekend we have a book based on this called Chasing David that we put together here at Twin Lakes Church you can pick up one at the info desk and also we have small groups literally dozens and dozens and dozens of small groups all over the Bay Area and even all over the country studying this with us right now you can get all the info if you want to plug into those at the info desk in the lobby after the services.

Now the episode in David's life that we're going to look at this morning really could not be more timely. You might know that the holiest time of the year for the Jewish people Yom Kippur the day of atonement begins this Tuesday night. From before King David's time this has been the day of the year that people ask God and others for forgiveness and what we want to talk about this morning is the topic of the forgiveness of God and the forgiveness of humans and what you do if you know you really need to forgive somebody in your life but it is so so difficult.

I can't imagine a better example of this than Holocaust survivor Eva Moses Kaur. She just passed away at the end of July and reading a newspaper article about her in the Times of Israel online is how her story came to my attention it's an incredible story of amazing forgiveness. Eva and her identical twin sister were one of 1,500 pairs of twins that were experimented on by Nazi doctors at the Nazi death camp Auschwitz during World War II. She also lost both of her parents and her two older sisters at Auschwitz at the hands of the Nazis.

After the war she eventually moved to Indiana where she founded a Holocaust Museum but even in Indiana in the United States of America the hate continued this is the home of her organization and this is it after it was firebombed by anti-Semites and yet she pressed on she rebuilt she became an icon of forgiveness and as I said this article told her story.

Eva led yearly trips to Auschwitz and while there in 1993 she met a man named Dr. Hans Munch. He was one of the Nazi doctors who had worked at Auschwitz while Eva and her family were there. He was one of the doctors who had experimented on Eva and her twin sister and at Auschwitz he confessed everything to her and he had made the trip specially because he personally wanted to ask her for forgiveness.

Well she didn't know what to say she said I'm gonna need some time I don't know what to tell you. She returned home she wrestled with this as you can imagine and a breakthrough she said came when she heard a rabbi make this distinction he said forgiving is not excusing some things are inexcusable however when you harbor unforgiveness it shrivels up your own soul.

And then here's how she explains what happened next I thought how about a letter of forgiveness from me to Dr. Munch and so I began writing my letter. I didn't know how to write a letter of forgiveness to a Nazi it took me four months before I worked through all my pain and finally I read it I signed it and immediately I felt that all that pain that I had carried around for years was lifted from my shoulders.

I was no longer a victim of Auschwitz nor was I a prisoner of my wretched past. I knew right away that he would find it a meaningful gift but what I discovered for myself was life-changing I discovered I had the power to forgive that no one could give me that power and no one could take it away.

And then she began to give lectures about forgiveness herself and she always concluded this this way she said when you truly forgive that person who hurt you who did you wrong she said what you will feel almost instantly is a sense of freedom and liberation that you could never imagine the burden of victimhood that you carried is lifted you feel almost like what reborn.

All right that sounds great but forgiving somebody like that are you kidding me forgiving somebody who had been truly hurtful truly evil like on a historic level is that really possible is it really wise is it even socially responsible? Well that is exactly the crossroads where David is at when we join him today.

Grab those message notes that are in your bulletins today finding power to forgive in 1 Samuel 24 because so many questions surround forgiveness can you really let go of that grudge that one you still have the one you've lived with for years? Is it possible to forgive a real deep hurt? Does forgiveness mean you just let them off the hook? Does forgiveness mean you've got to trust them again? Does forgiveness mean you no longer pursue justice?

David's story reveals the answers to those questions and lots more. When we last left David he was fleeing from King Saul. Saul had ruined David's life tried to kill him at least twice. David lost everything he lost his job overnight he had to flee and he lost his home as well his wife his freedom.

Saul becomes even more unstable kills many others becomes obsessed with killing David and David ends up running from cave to cave in the wilderness with many of Saul's other victims for at least seven years and Saul is just relentless and that's where we pick up the story in 1 Samuel 24 starting in verse 1.

After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En Gedi and so Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search went to hunt for David. Now it says En Gedi and I really want you to be able to picture this David has been hiding down in the Judean wilderness this is the lowest desert on earth it's lower even than Death Valley here in California.

The only body of water there the Dead Sea looks beautiful but it's poisonous 25% salt so drinking it will kill you plus there are scorpions leopards hyenas poisonous snakes it is a place of death. So why would David hide there? Well in the middle of all of this death there's an oasis of life called En Gedi a very steep ravine hides several waterfalls that you can't see from outside the ravine.

In fact a drawing of this is what's on the cover of the Chasing David book we went there in February 800 million gallons of water just pour into this ravine from fresh water springs and all the water allows life to flourish tropical plants lush greenery and all sorts of animals. The canyon walls are full of caves for shelter and inside these caves it's like natural air conditioning and so En Gedi was the perfect place for David to hide with his men it's hidden it's safe it's got food water shelter but Saul relentlessly pursues him there too.

In fact this is traditionally the cave associated with today's story when in the very next verse and I love how real the Bible is Saul had to go into a cave to relieve himself too much coffee at the castle that morning so he finds a nice cozy cave. Now you do kind of have to picture this to get the rest of the story he takes off his robe takes off his belt and sword in other words he's defenseless now picks up a magazine and off he goes.

But as it happened David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave that is bad restroom luck. Now is your opportunity David's men whispered him today the Lord is telling you I will certainly put your enemy into your power to do with as you wish and so David crept forward and what would you have done? One way or another this is a question that all of us have to face right how will I treat those who have harmed me?

In one of the Bible verses almost everybody knows Jesus said that this in Matthew 5:44 and let's read this verse out loud together would you read this with me here we go love your enemies pray for those who persecute you in that way you will be acting as true children of your father in heaven.

Everybody thinks these are such beautiful words I mean even people who don't ever go to church who wouldn't identify themselves as Christians they go yeah Jesus taught that is so beautiful but actually live like that that's hard. But I don't want this to just be theoretical today I want you to think of that person that enemy that person who makes life hard for you maybe in the distant past maybe right now can you do for them what David did for Saul?

Because he does four things and true healthy sustainable forgiveness means all four of these things leave one out and I don't think your forgiveness is truly healthy so jot these down. Number one of course you show mercy as Jesus said you show mercy. How does David show mercy to Saul? Two ways first merciful actions it says David crept forward and stabbed Saul in the back no he doesn't do that but he does quietly pull out his dagger and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul's robe not enough where Saul would notice just a little piece of it but even that kind of gets his conscience going and he doesn't do anything else.

And when his men further back in the cave see him hesitate they all pull out their own weapons they're ready to see Saul killed right there but David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul and in fact he says and they wait quietly in the cave until Saul is a safe distance away on the other side of En Gedi ravine with his men and then David crawls out of that same cave and he holds up that little piece of Saul's robe and he says look what I got here and Saul reaches down and he suddenly understands what happened in that cave.

After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way David came out and shouted after him my lord the king. Now wait are you kidding me he calls him my lord the king not you miserable old man he follows his merciful action with merciful words can you do the same thing? Look how David even talks about Saul back in verse 6 to his own men he says the Lord forbid that I should do this to my Lord the king and then he says I shouldn't attack the Lord's anointed one.

David is standing for the rule of law versus the rule of the jungle that was post Bronze Age collapse normality right he was saying no I'm for a peaceful transfer of power here I can't just assassinate this person by killing Saul David would have just put another Saul on the throne and here's the principle don't get so excited about your right cause that you excuse your wrong conduct.

Don't get so excited about your right beliefs that you excuse wrong behavior and this is so important to hear. David was really pushing back against the culture of his time we could have rationalized just killing Saul but he says no it's just not right and we are in an era right now where people are becoming so convinced of their cause that they are excusing bad conduct and a lot of Christians are there too.

But what David's modeling here is we should do God's will we all say we want God's will right everybody says that but if you stop right there what happens is you end up justifying arrogance and self-righteousness and anger because I'm just doing God's will this is just the truth I'm just the truth speaker.

David says hey I want to do God's will but in God's way with love and patience and peace and kindness God's will God's way and in God's time does that make sense to you? Do God's will but in God's way and in God's time. This is why David chooses to show mercy but this first point is where a lot of people stop hey everybody you should just show mercy but in my way of thinking that's only 25% of really what David does in this story and if you leave out the other three I just think it's unhealthy for you and it's not sustainable.

He also does these three things. Number two he speaks truth just because you show mercy doesn't mean you shut up speak truth truth to power truth to abusers. Verse 9 then he shouted to Saul from across the ravine why do you listen to the people who say I'm trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn't true look my father at what I have in my hand it's a piece of the hem of your robe I cut it off but I didn't kill you and this proves that I'm not trying to harm you and that I haven't sinned against you even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.

There's three things that David models here first speak with honesty he is not sweeping anything out of the rug he is not minimizing anything about Saul's horrible conduct but speak with humility and he does this in so many ways call Saul my father he's de-escalating he's not getting into a chest-thumping contest with King Saul. Why? If you confront someone with humility they might change if you confront somebody with vindictiveness they'll never change they'll just get defensive.

So speak with honesty speak with humility and speak with hope. Why does he do this? David still has hope that Saul might change. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said many times that whenever he responded to a racist he always asked himself first am I trying to humiliate them or convert them? That's a great question am I trying to humiliate them or convert them over to my way of thinking? And he said never lose hope in the possibility of redemption even for your enemies.

In fact really that's why you show mercy that's why you speak truth but do not forget number three also stay safe. Stay safe because what does Saul do next in a pattern that's gonna sound familiar if you've ever dealt with somebody who has an abusive personality Saul starts to cry and he says I'm so bad you're a much better man than I and he expresses regret and he basically begs for David to come home and what does David do? He forgives Saul he shows mercy he speaks truth but he does not trust Saul for a second.

It says then Saul went home but David and his men went back to their stronghold and the word for stronghold there is the Hebrew word for Masada and it may have been the famous plateau called Masada this is less than a day's walk south of En Gedi the point is he went somewhere where he could protect himself and keep an eye on Saul for miles to make sure he was going away and it's a good thing David did this because Saul goes hunting for him again just a short time later.

I love what Rick Warren says forgiveness is not minimizing the offense instantly restoring trust or resuming the relationship without any changes. If the relationship is going to be restored the offender has to do three things repentance restitution and rebuilding of trust over a period of time.

Now before we get to the crucial fourth point I want to show you a beautiful example of all three points we've been talking about so far. Last weekend I read you Dan Wagner's poem if you were here that and today I want you to see this incredible story with your own eyes some of you saw this three years ago when Jamie Rahm our videographer here on staff first put this little documentary together but I can't think of a more appropriate story today than this watch the screen.

Lived here all my life and my wonderful husband I met him at church and she came in and just sat at the next empty seat which was right next to me and we sat next to each other for the rest of my lives. It was four and a half months after we met that we got married so in 1985 Mandy was born in 1987 Kerry was born that was the goal of my life really to be a mom it was very wonderful event first meeting Mr. Wright and getting married and then having my girls.

My girls got along pretty well except for the sibling rivalry when they had friends over Mandy had to act like the older sister and kind of shove Kerry aside a little bit but when we were together like on family vacations they got along famously they loved each other we did a lot of church things you know that was the main focus we were always in church on Sunday and midweek and you know making plans to go to church camp or something so it was our life really revolved around the Lord.

Beach Fest Santa Cruz was a Christian evangelical event Luis Palau did these all over the world and he came to Santa Cruz in 2001 we decided to go to Beach Fest as a family then had gotten there early for the parrot team and then I picked the girls up at work and brought them down after Beach Fest we got in our car and headed home we got plowed into on the left side of our minivan by an SUV traveling about 50 miles an hour she was drunk and on drugs the girls died sitting right behind us.

When we were in the hospital we were told that our girls had died at the accident scene it just came on very slowly we both had head injuries we were both plugged into morphine the shock of the accident it all combined to you know nothing sunk in right away when I did come home my wonderful in-laws were here and they had already done like laundry and folded up the girls clothes and when I walked down the hallway passing their rooms on the way to mine not I just kind of put like a blinder like a horse would have a blinder on either side so I just looked straight ahead and just aimed for my room and really tried very hard not to focus on them.

It took a long time to really admit and believe and swallow that they were really gone. Forgiving Lisa was a process too because she was really that terrible woman for a very long time you know very first thought every morning that's who she was that woman but somewhere along the line when she went to prison we just felt compassion for her when she went off to prison we grieved for her because here was another mother losing her children in her case for six and a half years that she was gone.

But I really wanted my joy of life back and just I just knew if I swallowed that unforgiveness it would be like drinking poison that I hoped it would kill her because I was mad at her but it would only poison my system. Well my journey to forgive Lisa wasn't as hard because I was so angry at God I held him more responsible than I held Lisa. All God would have had to do was slow us down by a few seconds maybe drop my keys as we were getting in the van God could have protected us and he chose not to.

Forgiving is first of all not optional God tells us to forgive but that's because he knows it's for our own benefits when you have unforgiveness you're chained to that person you can't really get ever get rid of you drag them around. I think we all know people that rehearse and rehearse and rehearse bitterness and you know that's no way to live it does not absolve the other person it doesn't mean we forget about what happened it doesn't mean the pain goes away it just means that we disconnect ourselves from that person emotionally.

Forgiveness brings a lot of freedom there are a lot of physical issues that go along with unforgiveness just the bitterness and the tension of holding on to something forgiveness is releasing that bitterness. I would tell anybody that needs to forgive to be gentle on themselves to take time it's a process but then seek somebody that can help you somebody to walk alongside you when you're going through heavy stuff.

My journey to forgiveness was helped along by digging into the word I read through the New Testament over and over and over and God really softened my heart in reading his word. Lisa and I now speak together sharing our story of forgiveness and love I get to advise her and encourage her and lover and that is the blessing for me loving Lisa what a powerful example of forgiveness.

I asked Dan and Lynn to be here with us after each service this weekend they're here with the book that Dan wrote about this near the information desk and I'd encourage you if this is striking a chord with you you could find them to talk with and especially to pray with you.

Now if you're like me you watch that video and you just think that's amazing that's wonderful that's miraculous for them but how would I ever get the strength to do that that is beyond me exactly you need something beyond you you need something that Dan and Lynn have and that David had and that's part of our final point today which is this you need to see the bigger picture.

You can be the bigger person if you see the bigger picture. I mentioned earlier that the Dead Sea is right next to En Gedi so beautiful so tempting but so poisonous if you drink it it will dry you up and kill you. As Lynn said thoughts of resentment are just like that instead you can drink fresh water at the oasis of forgiveness and how do you do that? Well that happens when you fix your thoughts on these bigger ideas first there is a bigger judge.

David says to Saul may the Lord judge between us perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you're trying to do to me but I will never harm you. He's saying this is not the end of the story Saul I want you to listen to this carefully David did not have the recourse that you and I have in this country an actual court system where if it works the way it's supposed to work if you're criminally wronged legal justice can be pursued and it should be forgiving somebody does not mean you don't pursue justice rather for the person for the good of society there should be consequences.

But what do you do when there doesn't seem to be any possibility of legal recourse like for David here? Like he did you remember there is still a bigger judge and I have personally experienced the power of this I won't go into detail here because I've done that elsewhere but when I was a child I was molested and hatred of the person who did that consumed me well into my years as a pastor here all through my childhood into adulthood I would entertain myself with thoughts of torturing this man but it all happened when I was so little that I have no way of finding out this person's name or where he lives or even if he's still alive.

For us for years therefore I contended myself with revenge fantasies and guess what I discovered they don't heal a thing they just make it worse and one day I was driving again just full of hatred thinking about this person and it was like I sensed God saying two words it wasn't an audible voice but two words just sort of popped into my head from out of nowhere that's enough that's enough as in you've hurt long enough you've been angry long enough you've tried this long enough that's enough now give him to me.

I remember hitting the dashboard of my car yelling out loud no and then it was like I saw myself doing that from outside myself and I realized the only person my thoughts of torture were torturing was me and so then I said one more word simply okay as in he's yours. Scripture says vengeance is mine I will repay says the Lord so I give them to you and instantly a relief flooded me like Eva Moses Kaur talked about and I cried and I cried good tears letting it go to God changed me.

Now as Lin said in the video forgiveness is a process and I encourage you to go on that journey and to seek help but I want to tell you that moment was cathartic for me I discovered the power behind the truth of there is a bigger judge and maybe he's saying to you today that's enough you have suffered long enough and now give that person to me that's what David did with Saul that's why he was able to show mercy and speak truth and stay safe.

And I discovered something else in that moment and it was this there is a bigger plan and you're still in it those abusers and losers you know they didn't take you out of God's plan for your life they couldn't touch it. David says to Saul God is my advocate he will rescue me from your power he knew he David was still anointed and nothing Saul could do would change that.

And when you believe that that no matter how you've been cheated and mistreated and defeated God still has a plan for you and nobody could ever ruin that no matter how hard they try they can't defeat God they can't defeat God's plan for you.

When you believe there is a bigger plan and a bigger judge that you can be the bigger person and maybe most important of all this is so important like David see that there is a bigger beauty a bigger beauty far above your injury.

Don't miss this David wrote several Psalms during this time in his life when Saul's hunting him and they all have this idea here's just one example from Psalm 59 in context David is admitting here my enemies scare me God they snarl they prowl they scavenge but then here's where he gets to in verse 16 but as for me I will sing about your power not their power each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.

David was being pursued by Saul but he wouldn't let Saul capture his creative imagination. His creativity his creative imagination was captured by God's power and beauty. I love what Eugene Peterson said this Psalm shows that while Saul was the occasion for David's being in the wilderness Saul neither defined nor dominated the wilderness the wilderness was full of God not Saul.

Is your wilderness full of God or full of your Saul? What has your creative imagination been captured by? When you are alone are you constantly replaying the tapes of what happened and nursing grudges and fueling revenge fantasies or are you continually bringing up the wrong done to you with other people?

Can I ask you a question that comes from my own personal experience why are you staying fixated on your life's ugliest moments? In a minute during communion we're gonna we're gonna get a corrective to that we're gonna direct our thoughts toward God we're gonna allow our wilderness to be filled with God and thoughts of his mercy toward us and his love.

I mentioned when we started that Tuesday is Yom Kippur Tuesday evening it starts the day of atonement and that wraps up that the period known in Judaism as the high holy days but you know there's another name for these days they're sometimes called the days of awe and I love that because when you realize that God has forgiven you it just causes awe.

There was a ceremony in Bible times on Yom Kippur meant to evoke awe and David would have done this every year a goat called the scapegoat was led into the wilderness and figuratively the sins of all the people were laid on the goat by the high priest and then as the goat went into the wilderness there was the sense of relief and rejoicing because our sins have been atoned for.

Well a thousand years after David a descendant of David named Jesus said he became that for all of us imagine all our sins were laid on him and he willingly gave his life as an atonement for our sin and he went into the wilderness of death for us and then he rose again with the promise of new life.

And when the beauty of that captures your imagination then all your days can be days of awe and it is awesome big that it can even heal your pain and Jesus doesn't just atone for our sins it goes even further than that you know years after this episode when David finally becomes king after years and years of fleeing from this madman Saul and Saul is now dead in battle not against David but against the Philistines David says is there any one of the family of Saul to whom I can show kindness?

Are you kidding me in those days they would find all the heirs of the throne and they kill them all David says I want you to find any heirs to the throne under Saul and I want to show them grace and he commands his men to search high and low and they find one person named Mephibosheth a grandson of Saul living in poverty alone wounded lame in both feet because of a tragic childhood accident.

And David sends for him and he says and you know Mephibosheth is just trembling before David thinking here it comes I'm beheaded I'm toast and David says I want to adopt you come and live in my palace come and eat with the princes and princesses at the king's table and he brings this grandson of his worst enemy into his family and lavishes blessings on him.

Now even more amazing is that that is what the Bible says God does for you he doesn't even just forgive your sins I mean like that would be enough but the Bible says he seeks you out you know from our perspective we see God out from God's perspective he's the one who searched and searched and searched for you and then he finds you poor and wounded and hurt and alone and he calls you and he adopts you and he seats you at the banquet table and he lavishes riches on you.

And when the bigger beauty of that captures your imagination then all of your days are filled with awe and then you find that you can forgive as you sense that you have been lavishly lavishly forgiven and blessed and you know what that feels like it feels like being reborn.

Let's pray together. Heavenly Father we thank you so much for your forgiveness for us and now as we come to the communion table I just pray that you would help us forgive as we have been so lavishly forgiven and perhaps for the very first time there are people here who want to pray right now Lord forgive me of all my sins and receive me into your family I don't understand this all but I want to place my trust in you Lord Jesus as the bigger judge the one with the bigger plan as the bigger beauty as the Lord of Lords and as the King of Kings.

God help our imaginations in this moment to be captured by the depth of your love embrace toward us and it's in Jesus name we pray Amen.