Finding Strength When People Cause Pain

Well good morning and welcome to power here at Twin Lakes Church. My name is René, one of the pastors here at the TLC. Welcome also to everybody joining us over in the venue service, everybody on Facebook live.

Here's a news update for you, article in the San Jose Mercury News headline, "Adults Brawl Mars Miami T-ball Game." Nearly two dozen adults stormed a T-ball field and began brawling over an umpire's call as the four and five year old players watched. Two coaches were suspended and police are considering arrests. A video taken during the, notice the name of the league, Miami Friends Baseball Association. T-ball game Tuesday shows at least 20 men charging the field throwing wild punches and tackling one another. I love the next line of the story, "No children participated in the fight." Yeah they knew better.

Doesn't it seem like this sort of thing is happening more and more often these days? They say we're living in the age of outrage, everybody's getting offended, everybody's angry all the time, kind of walking around spoiling for a fight. But let me ask you, are you easily provoked? Or maybe I should say what tends to push your buttons? What tends to provoke you more when a news headline reveals the latest outrage? When your power goes out? When a family member is getting under your skin? When some anonymous person you don't even know, maybe some blogger or some driver on the road does something that drives you crazy? When somebody insults a group that you consider yourself to be a part of in some way? When a neighbor wants to pick a fight?

Well today David really experiences every one of those things in the story that we're going to look at from the pages of the Bible and his response in the end ultimately is such a great role model for you and me. Grab your message notes, Chasing David is the name of our series on the life of King David in the Bible. We wrote a book about this called Chasing David. You can pick that up in the lobby now.

We're several weeks into this series and we've covered a lot of ground in David's life so I wanted to do a recap of David's story so far and I was trying to think of kind of a fun and memorable way to do this. So here comes a summary of the stages of David's life so far as the four stages of the career of Leonardo DiCaprio because first you have Titanic era DiCaprio as the fresh young face. The shepherd boy who with a sling and five stones defeats the giant Goliath but then after David kills Goliath and gets popular King Saul gets jealous and wants him dead and David has to flee to the wilderness that would be the revenant era DiCaprio for years.

David lives out in caves and holes in the ground and flees King Saul but he himself will not lay a hand on Saul. When he has a chance to kill him he won't. He consistently has mercy on Saul because he doesn't want to make it look like he stole the throne by blood. He wants to be sure this is God's doing and then indeed he gets to be king and that's the next phase of his life finally comfortable in his palace. Maybe that's middle-aged DiCaprio and maybe a little bit too full of himself. David seems to sleep with a woman, get rid of her husband, kill him and after the prophet Nathan confronts him David repents and Nathan says God does forgive you but there will be terrible consequences.

And that brings us to the next phase to Caprio as an aged J Edgar Hoover David in his sixties. The consequences have aged him. David emotionally withdraws into a shell of shame as he realizes how he has destroyed so many lives. You know sometimes I see people so burdened by regret that they can barely function anymore in their lives and I see David that way for about the next dozen years or so. He just seems to wander the palace a ghost in a shell and as our story opens David seems to have lost all ability to lead his kingdom, to lead his family.

In fact speaking of just one of his children the Bible says now his father David had never disciplined him at any time not even by asking why are you doing that and this apparently is a pattern and this leads predictably to chaos. Many of his children are just criminally self-indulgent and it reaches the lowest point when one of his sons named Amnon rapes his own half-sister named Tamar and what did David do about it? It says when King David heard what had happened he was very angry but that's it. No legal charges, no prosecution and the king in those days was the Supreme Court it was his job to judge or assign judges to judge but David does none of that.

Judging criminals was his job but this man of action has become a man of inaction. The nation's moral leader is afraid to make moral judgments maybe because of his own guilt. David is shocked seemingly by his own immorality into inaction. You know guilt works great as a short-term motivator right but if you keep dwelling on it after God has forgiven you guilt can be very self-destructive. David in this story is feeling that way and he's apparently benching himself taking himself out of the game and that is so bad for the country.

Well another one of his sons Absalom takes in his sister Tamar the victim and takes care of her the rest of her life and after waiting two years for David to pursue justice on her behalf Absalom decides if my father won't act I will and he invites his brother Amnon the rapist to a party where he kills him. To make a long story short after several more years of inaction from David Absalom decides I'm gonna step into the gap and I'm going to replace my ineffective father as king and he's got a leg up on this Absalom's already super popular it says now Absalom was praised as the most handsome man in all of Israel he was flawless from head to foot.

In fact kind of a funny detail he cut his hair only once a year and then only because it was so heavy he's a rock star right so if I'm casting Absalom I'm thinking early Zeppelin era Robert Plant right. I mean self-confidence was not a problem for this guy but Absalom had a soft side look at this he had three sons and one daughter his daughter's name was what Tamar and she was very beautiful he names his own daughter after the sister who had been raped also named Tamar so every time he says his daughter's name it is a reminder of that injustice.

Until finally he hatches a scheme to take over he got up early every morning and went out to the gate of the city now in those days the gate of the city was actually not just a doorway it was a big complex with multiple rooms all Israelite cities were designed the same way the gate house was the courthouse it's where people brought their cases for the king or judges he appointed to here.

When people brought a case to the king for judgment Absalom would ask where in Israel are you from? It's a great way to start a conversation right and they would tell them their tribe and then Absalom would say you've got a really strong case here it's too bad the king is nobody here to hear it. I wish I were the judge and then everyone could bring their cases to me for judgment and I would bring them justice like no one's getting from David right now.

When the people tried to bow before him Absalom wouldn't let them instead he took them by the hand and he kissed them like I'm just one of you brother and Absalom did this with everybody who came to the king for judgment and so he stole the hearts of all the people of Israel and the Bible says he does this for four years.

And then he's very clever very manipulative the Bible says he hires people including professional trumpeters to go into every town and village and on a signal at a certain time on the exact same day they're all to blow a fanfare on their trumpets and proclaim headline news Absalom has just been crowned king in Hebron. Now that was not true but when people hear this news they believe it.

Absalom does this deliberately to provoke a reaction after four years of grooming the people it's just like somebody posting on social media today to get some kind of a response from the crowd right and so these people start hearing this news and they believe it and they start cheering oh yay finally an effective king again long live Absalom we love that guy he's got great long hair and he's always at the courthouse and leading this parade of popular acclaim.

Absalom heads to Jerusalem for a showdown with dad. Well the messenger soon arrived in Jerusalem to sprinting there ahead of this parade to tell David all of Israel has joined Absalom in a conspiracy against you then we must flee at once or it'll be too late David urged his men and the way I read it after years depending on the chronology we're not sure but it was between 11 to 16 years that all this inaction from David you don't see David leading leaving the palace after a couple of weeks after Bathsheba and that whole incident.

He does go to one battle but after that you just see him passive for year after year after year and it seems to me like in this instant you see David snap back into action action he snaps back into mental and emotional and spiritual focus because he realizes I need to lead here or people will die and he says hurry if we get out of the city before Absalom arrives both we and the city of Jerusalem will be spared from disaster.

You see he knew if I try and stay here and defend the city of Absalom takes it he will probably assume that everybody here sided with me and put everybody in the city to death that was typical in those days so David abandons the throne to save the city once again a fugitive at about 61 years of age.

Now I really want you to be able to picture this the Bible says he traveled on this road out of Jerusalem his palace would have been up on this ridge to your right and then he travels through that road at the bottom of the Kidron Valley the Bible names it very specifically and then he goes up and over the ancient road that goes over the Mount of Olives which of course is where Jesus also prayed many many years later.

And it's as if on his way out of town David is transformed with every step back into David the David the Bible describes him dispatching spies and sending orders along the way meeting allies and giving them commissions he plants a spy in Absalom's inner circle he organizes an underground network of priests who are going to be sort of his informants he sets up an army and a strategy and this is also the day the Bible says when he wrote Psalm 3 the subtitle calls it a psalm of David when he fled from Absalom his son.

One verse I want to show you here I lay down and slept and I woke up in safety for the Lord was watching over me I am not afraid of 10,000 enemies who surround me on every side man it's like David is back finally the David who fought Goliath is back the David who wrote the Lord is my shepherd is back the David who had the moral authority to spare Saul's life is back.

And David says something so wise he said if the Lord sees fit he will bring me back to see the ark and the tabernacle again in the city of Jerusalem but if he is through with me then let him do what seems best to him. This is so powerful David seems to be admitting this bad thing part of it is my own fault now I'm gonna do what I can to save the kingdom to preserve lives to put down this rebellion but God if you're through with me then I'm going to totally accept it.

I am NOT holding desperately on to anything my life is totally a hundred percent in your hands God and then what happens next has always been one of my absolute favorite stories from David's life even though it's very obscure but but it's so good this is all the lead-up to this story as King David came to Bahuram that's a town just over the hill a man came out of the village cursing them it was she my son of Gerah from the same clan as Saul's family and he threw stones at the king and the king's officers and all the mighty warriors who surrounded him.

Get out of here you murderer you scoundrel he shouted at David the Lord is paying you back can you imagine him he's scampering along this ravine and he's yelling at David and his men as they're walking trudging out of the city in disgrace the Lord is paying you back for all the bloodshed in Saul's clan you stole his throne and now the Lord has given it to your own son Absalom at last you'll taste some of your own medicine you're a murderer.

Man even telling this guy's story irritates me about this guy he's like fingernails on chalkboard incarnate right he's human tear gas so irritating so if I'm casting this guy it's Gilbert God freed remember him get out you scoundrel.

Now what about the crimes she might accuse David of these specific crimes did David steal Saul's throne? No. Did David shed blood to get Saul's crown? No. In fact just the opposite he spared Saul's life twice so ironically though he is guilty of bloodshed in the case of Uriah and the other men who lost their lives that day he's not guilty of these specific crimes so how's he gonna respond?

Well David's assistant Abishai is walking along with David he says why should this dead dog curse my lord the king Abishai son of Zeruiah demanded he and his brother Joab these guys they're a piece of work their solution to every problem is let's just kill him let me go over and cut off his head he says and if I'm casting him he's rain Wilson as Dwight Schrute from the office I'm skilled with several weapons I have with me let me just kill him.

I am assistant king David says first you're not assistant king your assistant to the king and second no the king says who asked your opinion you sons of Zeruiah if the Lord has told him to curse me who are you to stop him?

And they did David said to Abishai to all his servants my own son is trying to kill me doesn't this relative of Saul have even more reason to do so? It's not a fascinating answer my own son wants to be dead how can I blame this guy? He's related to Saul you know like like the other day he was a nobleman now he's a nobody I totally get where he's coming from.

Leave him alone let him curse for the Lord has told him to do it and perhaps the Lord will see that I'm being wronged and will bless me because of these curses today he seems to be saying you know what maybe maybe I deserve it the Lord is telling him to do it I need to learn a lesson maybe I totally don't deserve it I'll earn a blessing but I choose to believe God's behind this fascinating I love David's response here.

Now there's an unexpected twist in fact a couple of twists to this story that happen a few chapters later and I'm gonna show you those in just a few minutes but first let's press pause and look at four things here when one of those extra grace required people tries to get under your skin do you allow yourself to be provoked? Do you do you give back right as you're getting do you yell at them do you boil over does it raise your blood pressure do you let it ruin your day and maybe your whole week?

I've allowed people to affect me in all those ways when they try to provoke me but what I need to learn is to handle it the way David handles it here despite severe insult and injury David has learned to be four things and I really think that these things could change your life and I believe that if more of us Christians responded in these ways to the many ways we are being provoked these days our witness would be better to the world and our whole culture would be better.

These are very important David is four things in the story number one and I'm gonna focus most of my time on this he is unoffendable. I love that word unoffendable I'm reading this book unoffendable by Brant Hanson came out a few months ago the subtitle is how just one change can make all of life better. Bill Finley son who is a man in our chasing David small group that meets up at Mount Herman on Wednesdays gave this to me a couple of weeks ago it's fascinating and Bill said it's changed his life because years ago Bill's a surfer and years ago he gave up surfing he said because I would get so provoked by all the knuckleheads out there on the waves.

He said a few years ago I found myself literally getting into a fight circling a guy with clenched fists on the beach after we'd got it into it on the waves and he said I thought to myself I'm a Christian what am I doing and he actually quit surfing because he said there's too many people pushing my buttons out there but he said now I realize that's always gonna happen but I can choose to be unoffendable.

I can choose to change the way I respond to provocation and he said I love this book because now I can surf again as the author writes giving up your right to stay offended can be one of the most freeing simplifying relaxing refreshing stress relieving encouraging things you can do and this is such an important word for a culture right now.

I was reading a recent article on the psychology today website how can we become less vulnerable to feeling slighted? It's about how we as a culture are now encouraging people to feel slighted. What's being modeled for us is that the worst thing someone can do to you is disrespect you and when they disrespect you you just jump all over them but the author of this article Dr. Steve Taylor writes about how psychologically unhealthy that actually is.

Let me read you just a couple of paragraphs he says we all feel slighted when we're not given the respect that we feel we deserve maybe somebody forgets your birthday or doesn't return your phone calls maybe a person pushed in front of you in line psychologists call slights like this narcissistic injuries because they bruise our egos but before you react to a slight think about the consequences.

We can replay the situation over and over again and this could lead to sliding the person back she didn't invite me to a party so I'm not sending her a birthday card and if the person reacts to your resentment it could end up in a full-scale feud a good friendship could dissolve a close family could needlessly fall apart even more dangerously especially with young men slights can trigger a violent reaction criminologists have noted that many acts of violence stem from a sense of slight.

The psychologists Martin Daly and Margot Wilson estimated that two-thirds of all murders were the result of men feeling that they'd been disrespected. Man it's up to us to start changing that culture you and I can choose to be unoffendable how do I do that? Well there's a couple of components David shows here first David shows thick skin quite literally look at verse 13 so David and his men continued down the road and she might kept pace with them on a nearby hillside cursing and throwing stones and dirt at David the whole way David had to literally be thick skinned.

But right now we seem to be living in a nation of very thin skinned people as I said in the intro everybody seems to be looking for a way to be outraged and offended and disrespected. You know what the Bible says about that fools show their annoyance at once but the prudent overlook an insult. Overlook an insult it is a man's glory to overlook and it is glorious it is to your glory to be the bigger person.

General George Patton once wrote a book about principles he lived by and whatever you think of Patton there are some great lines in there like never fight a battle where you don't gain anything by winning. David had a much bigger battle to fight he had to worry about Absalom he couldn't concern himself right then with she my.

You know I wish Christians we Christians always live by this line let me just give you one example that is sure to come up in just a few weeks well you know what happened to me this morning the coffee shop where I order my coffee they are now saying happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas I am so offended at that I'm gonna take this instantly to death con level one and instead of maybe acting Christ like so people might be actually intrigued about a relationship with Jesus I'm gonna go to war over their holiday greeting.

I'm gonna blog about this I'm gonna post about this I'm gonna organize a boycott what would I really gain if I won that battle if I force someone else's employees to always say Merry Christmas what would I gain and what would I lose? Always ask I might win this battle but by winning the battle might I lose the bigger war like in our case to win people's hearts for Jesus is this really the best way to be an ambassador for the kingdom?

Now being unoffendable doesn't mean that you demand that others be unoffendable too. I don't I don't want you to apply this like that like this I'm just gonna insult you because René said you should be unoffendable that's not how to apply this message. I still do my best not to offend anybody unnecessarily and if they tell me that some word I'm using or something to address them offends them I'm gonna do my best not to offend them.

Meanwhile making it my goal to be personally unoffendable by anything people say to me David shows thick skin and David shows a lot of self-restraint doesn't he like the Bible says fools give full vent to their rage but the wise bring calm. In the end we're living in a culture that does not believe this anymore but have you learned the truth of this proverb? Somebody said post to social media when you're angry and you'll make the best post you'll ever regret.

David shows thick skin and self-restraint he's unoffendable and I'm gonna go through the next three very quickly. Next David is understanding remarkably understanding he says of course she mice cursing me he's related to Saul I get it my own son's trying to kill me doesn't this doesn't this guy have even more reason? David sees the story behind the scene.

Now maybe you're thinking but David knew the story I want always know the back story how can I apply this? Well you can be sure of one thing there's always a story behind that that's a phrase to repeat to yourself there's a story behind that. That person to cut you off on the road that rude clerk the angry email maybe they just got bad news from the doctor maybe they had a bad day at work around here I always think they're probably just stressed about trying to make ends meet here.

There's always a story behind it as there was for she might he was a relative of Saul. Third David is untroubled by she mice cursing clearly how remember he says let him curse maybe I'll learn a lesson maybe I'll earn a blessing either way David trusts that God will use this mess.

In fact say that phrase in yellow out loud with me God will use this mess say it again God will use this mess that phrase is such a key to peace when somebody's mistreating you or your life is troubled in some other way did you know that you don't have to figure out why is this happening to me? You just have to think God's gonna use this mess maybe this will grow my character maybe some blessing will come out of this.

And then finally David is unresentful even against she my and here comes that plot twist to escape Absalom David and his people have to flee across the Jordan River out of town out of the country now this is a major psychological blow because the Israelites crossed that river to get into the promised land David's going backwards.

And I go into way more detail in the book but eventually Absalom's forces are defeated at great tragic cost Absalom himself is killed and David returns to Jerusalem triumphant but grieving and look at the very first person to welcome him back Second Samuel 19 starting in verse 16 she my son of Gerah the man from Bahram and Benjamin he hurried across with the men of Judah to welcome King David.

Watch this a thousand other men from the tribe of Benjamin were with him he brought with him a thousand guys to help David move back who were all from Saul's clan and they crossed the shallows of the Jordan to bring the King's household across the river helping him in every way they could and as the king himself was about to cross the river she my fell down before him my lord the king please forgive me he pleaded forget the terrible thing your servant did when you left Jerusalem may the Lord put it out of his mind I know how much I have sinned him that's why I've come here today the very first person in all Israel to greet my Lord the king.

And you'll love this because look who is still at David's side then Abishai son of Zeruiah said she might should die because he cursed the Lord's anointed king like Kelly can I kill him now? I've been very patient we won the war could this be like my bonus David? David says who asked your opinion you sons of Zeruiah why have you become my adversary today this is not a day for execution for today I am once again the king of Israel war is over enough killing I declare amnesty and then turning to she my David vowed your life will be spared.

How do you respond when people tell you that they're sorry? There's a great verse from Proverbs Proverbs 14:9 fools mock at making amends for sin and that's what Abishai does he mocks she my trying to make amends here he's like what a joke but goodwill is found among the upright and that's what David does he shows goodwill.

Now remember what we learned several weeks ago grace is not gullibility forgiveness does not mean you have to trust that person. Years later as he's on his deathbed David tells his son Solomon the next king he says keep an eye on this she my guy because I suspect he might be a ticking time bomb and after David dies Solomon calls she might to the palace and he says let me be honest with you I know dad forgave you but I don't 100% trust you so here's the deal you need to stay in the Jerusalem vicinity where we can keep an eye on you and if you do you'll live to a ripe old age but if you go without my leave I will assume that you'll be up to no good and that's gonna be your death sentence balls in your court and she my agrees it says they actually make a legally binding pact.

Well three years later she might goes off to a Philistine city gaff the Philistine capital and he has an excuse but Solomon says I we specifically agreed that you would not do that and you're going to the capital city of our arch enemies and he reaps the consequences from Solomon.

But there's an overarching principle here David did forgive him and then put up healthy boundaries. You see being unresentful does not mean you just check out of reality David is unoffendable not unintelligent he's understanding not undisserning he's unworried not unconcerned he's unresentful but not unwise he is still careful and deliberate and savvy.

Now you might be thinking but René why should I why should any Christian be unoffendable and and all these other things shouldn't a lot of things anger us shouldn't injustice against the poor anger me shouldn't I be passionate about helping the needy shouldn't disrespect against whole classes of people make me passionate are you René are you saying I should just be passive?

Did I say anything about passive? No of course we should not be passive about injustice we should be passionate about injustice. For example kind of our highlighted opportunity this weekend is the embrace grace baby shower as you heard Mark talk about these are these are pregnant women in emergency situations and many of them usually most of these lovely wonderful women are coming out of abusive situations often gang related or drug related situations some of them have been homeless and most of these women who have had the wonderful pleasure of meeting over the last several years that embrace grace has been going on many of these women have been disrespected by men their entire lives and now they're expecting a baby and they have no support they don't know what to do and what we do is a Bible study and life skills are being taught and then we lavish them with new beautiful things in a baby shower.

It's a way to say we respect you we're on your side and many many of these women end up becoming a part of the community and followers of Jesus here at Twin Lakes Church yes be passionate and engaged when other others are disrespected and so on but be careful when it comes to yourself personally when you are insulted when you are you know other people attempt to provoke you to push your buttons be unoffendable.

You see I still don't get it well our role model and this is Jesus right talk about an advocate for the poor a hero to the needy somebody who came alongside whole classes of people who were disrespected but when he was cursed when he was mocked when he was belittled when he was hurt the Bible says when they hurled their insults at him he didn't retaliate when he suffered he made no threats instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly and what's more he himself bore our sins on the cross and by his wounds we are healed.

And that's where you and I get the power to be unoffendable to forgive to be unresentful when we realize we've been forgiven that's where this that the power comes from like David himself discovered when he wrote in Psalm 103 the Lord is compassionate and merciful slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

You know that has to be one of the reasons that David was able to forgive Shemi at this point in his life he knew just how much he had been forgiven of and that's the bottom line when I believe God has forgiven me and God has plans for me then I can forgive and move on.

And this is where David goes let me close with this all of us have Shemias in our lives extra grace required people a boss a child a spouse a relative a neighbor somebody in the parking lot in about 10 minutes and maybe maybe there's an area of your own life where you feel like you are Shemi approaching the king saying I know I've sinned please forgive me.

And we have it on the authority of Scripture that the judge and king of the earth the son of David Jesus looks at you and says I forgive you now stop benching yourself and get back in the game so let's pray to that forgiving God right now would you bow your heads with me?

Lord help us not to feel slighted all the time help us to better reflect your character Lord when they hurl insults at us to be unoffendable to be understanding to be unworried to be unresentful.

Now with their heads still bowed I know that in a crowd this big there's got to be some of us who've done something in our lives that were ashamed of and maybe you're coming to God like Shemi at the end of the story saying Lord have mercy on me a sinner and you're a little worried about the response.

Well the Bible says that because Jesus paid the penalty for us he is able and he is willing to forgive all who will just come to him so come to him now and maybe for the first time maybe for the hundredth time pray God have mercy on me a sinner I'm gonna follow you as my Lord and as my Savior as a first-time salvation prayer or or even as a recommitment I want to learn to walk in my forgiveness to walk in the grace you lavish on me thank you God for your grace in Jesus name amen.