When the Pressure Hits

Well, Flawed Follower is the name of our series on Simon Peter. I'm so excited about how this series is playing out. We're doing it with a bunch of other churches, and it ties into a book that we wrote here at Twin Lakes Church. The print version is available in our lobby, and it's also available on Kindle and on Audible, and all the proceeds go right back to the church, not to me. I always like to make that clear. It's just completely given to the church.

Now before I get into the message this morning, as many of you know, our hearts are heavy because Pastor Julian Pizarro, who's the leader of our Spanish congregation TLC and Espanyol, was sadly struck by a car while jogging a week ago, and he remains in a coma with severe head trauma. He also contracted pneumonia in the hospital. We had a bilingual prayer vigil for him last Sunday, and hundreds of you were there. We really appreciated your presence there. It was a powerful time. Thank you for your prayers, but of course, I would love to pray for him now as well. So would you stand again with me together? Let's just stand in unity and pray for the family.

Lord, we love Julian and Jessica and their kids so much, and so we pray for his healing, whether here on earth or the ultimate healing in heaven. We surrender to your will and ask for healing. Give the doctors wisdom, especially please give strength and faith to Jessica and their children, Julian, Jonathan, and Sarah. We lift them up to you, carry them, Father, uphold them in this difficult time, strengthen TLC and Espanyol as well, and may the Spanish and English congregations at Twin Lakes Church become ever more unified through this vigil for Julian. And we all pray this together in Jesus' name, amen. And you can be seated.

You know, part of the life of a church is that we always want to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, and I know that there are always both groups represented at church every single weekend. We pray for those in need like Julian and his family, but we also serve those who are in need, and I am very proud of this church in the best way because I love how part of this Fall Follower series is that we're doing acts of kindness projects.

I want to show you what happened just yesterday. We first of all sorted pajamas for kids in transitional housing situations. We had agencies reach out to us for help, and they said we need a thousand pajamas. That's our need, and so you know how many pajamas we raised? 1,056 yesterday. It was amazing. We also put together gift bags for the staff at New Brighton Middle School—teachers and custodians. Everybody on staff received $50 worth of gift cards in each bag and cards saying you're amazing. We appreciate you so much in every single bag. We also put together a bunch of blessing bags for unhoused people for TLC years to give away. They included socks, soap, snacks, info about people's pantry, and these hand-knit hats. A woman in Oregon who joins us online knitted 300 hats for them and also this note: God loves you. Never forget that he sees you. He delights in you.

Also this weekend, we finished up the restoration of Word of Life Church in Santa Cruz. An amazing team did a top-to-bottom refurbishment of this church. Can we just put our hands together and thank all the amazing volunteers who worked on all these projects? Amazing. That's a good thing, and there's more to come. And why do we do all this? Well, it's because that's what Jesus told us to do. That's how we roll as followers of Jesus, and that's what draws people to Jesus too because Jesus is like that. Jesus came to serve, as we will see in today's message.

So let's get into it. On Wednesday of this past week, I was reading a Reddit thread—you know, where people ask questions and look for the community online for answers—and I was shocked to see somebody posted this subject line: I failed at life and failed at God. The contributor posted this: I've made the wrong choices in every area of life. I treated life like it was a video game and I had multiple lives. I've been self-sabotaging for years now. I then rejected God to top it all off. I can't imagine the wrath that awaits me, and I know I fully deserve it, which makes it worse. I've tried to repent, but it's difficult to think I've done anything less than commit the unforgivable sin because I gave Jesus my life, and I didn't endure to the end. I gave up on him. And doesn't the Bible say the cowards won't enter the kingdom? I wish there was a redemption story of someone with a situation similar to mine somewhere, but I've searched high and low, and I can't seem to find any.

I'm so glad that I am right in the middle of a flawed follower series because I replied immediately in the comments section there is, in fact, a redemption story of someone in exactly your situation, and I told him about the story I'm going to tell you today. A story about Simon Peter, the first flawed follower. And maybe there's been times that you felt like that person who posted too. In fact, maybe you kind of feel like that right now. I want to give you hope today. I don't know what you did, but it cannot have possibly been worse than what Peter did in today's story. And if you think you know Peter's story, you may want to think it again because it's probably far worse than you imagine.

Peter's darkest day. Quick recap: last week we traveled with Jesus and Peter with the disciples way up to the far northern part of the country, as far away from Jerusalem as possible, to Caesarea Philippi, where there was that giant cliff face with the pagan temples. The next week or so following that is spent back home on the shores of the lake—it's about a 20-mile trip—and then they travel all the way south to Jerusalem, a 100-mile journey for the final week of Jesus's life before he is crucified. And as they enter the city, the massive crowd of pilgrims there for the Passover wave palm branches as Jesus comes in.

Hit pause. Why palm branches? Last week I told you about how 200 years before this, there was what was called the Maccabean Revolt, where the Jewish people successfully overthrew the Greeks. And guess how the crowds welcomed back into Jerusalem their war hero Judas Maccabeus? With palm branches. Because the palm had become the national emblem for the Jewish people. Palm branches are all over their ancient coins. It was sort of like the American Eagle on American money or the American flag. So when Jesus enters town and they welcome him the same exact way, what are they saying? Let's go to war! Heal the conquering hero! Go throw out the bad Romans! And then instead of confronting bad Romans, Jesus confronts bad religion. He goes up to the temple and he kicks out the religious con artists, and then each day that week he goes right back up to the temple and confronts right into their faces the corrupt religious leaders with increasingly sharp zingers. You can cut the tension with a knife, and a conspiracy is hatched: Jesus has got to go. And Jesus knows what they're planning. The disciples don't, except for one, Judas.

Thursday night of that week, the disciples meet in a rented room for the Passover feast, the Seder, and the Bible says some of them are arguing about which one of them is the greatest—like who's gonna get to be vice king when Jesus is finally crowned king. And Jesus hears this and says, okay, and without saying a word, he starts washing their feet—their dirty, stinky fishermen feet. And Peter, of course, it's Peter, corrects him and says, don't get up, don't do that. And Jesus says, you don't know what it means to be a leader in my kingdom. It means you don't lord it over people like you guys are arguing about. It means you serve like this. I've left you an example for you to follow, and that's one of the reasons we do those acts of kindness.

Then he gets up and he leads them in the Seder meal, which becomes the first communion, and he says these chilling words, and here is where our verses for today begin: tonight all of you will desert me, for the Scriptures say God will strike the shepherd and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I've been raised from the dead—and they never seem to hear this part—I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there. And Peter is still focusing on that first sentence, and he, of course, corrects Jesus and says, yeah, well, here's one thing you're partly right, but here's one part you got wrong: even if they all desert you, I will never desert you. And I'm sure the other disciples were like, you know, Peter, we are right here. We're like, right, we can hear you.

Jesus replied, I tell you the truth, Peter, this very night before the rooster crows—you know, in the early mornings of dawn—this very night you will deny three times that you even know me. And again, Peter insisted, no, you're getting it wrong, Jesus. How many times do I have to correct you? Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you. And all the other disciples vowed the same: me too, ditto. And then they travel to the Mount of Olives, and I want you to picture this. Here's an aerial photo of Jerusalem today. There's the Temple Mount; you can see the Dome of the Mosque there, and the traditional site of the upper room is over here. And they travel about one and a quarter miles up to the Mount of Olives, which still has olive trees and olive orchards on it to this day.

And Jesus takes Peter, James, and John with him to a grove there where he prays with such intense agony that the Bible says he sweats drops of blood. And meanwhile, what is his man Peter doing? Sleeping! This is a guy who has just vowed, like minutes before, I got your back tonight, brother, no worries, I'm the Peters on the case. He's just snoring. Jesus wakes him up. He says to him, Peter, couldn't you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray so that you will not give in to temptation, for the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Man, that's a great description of Peter: spirit so willing, yeah, but the flesh so weak. And isn't that a great description of you and me?

Peter goes, right, right, sorry, Lord, I gotcha. Jesus leaves. Instantly, he falls asleep again, the Bible says, and Jesus comes back. Go ahead and sleep, have your rest. And then I think there's a pause, and then look, the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Let's be going. Look, my betrayer is here. The disciples wake up; they're groggy, they're confused. Armor glints with the light of flickering torches. Mobs carry clubs, the Bible says. But look, there's our buddy Judas. Oh good, he's greeting Jesus with a kiss, Italian style. But still, you know, maybe it's all gonna be okay. Wait, that kiss was a signal; that's how the soldiers know which one is Jesus in the dark. And the guards grab Jesus, and Peter whips out his sword. Let's see, soldier? No, temple guard? No, unarmed servant? Take this! And Peter's not even good at that; all he gets is an ear. And Jesus says, stop! Put your sword back in its place. Jesus has to rebuke Peter again, for all who live by the sword will die by the sword. And he heals the servant.

Peter again making a mistake many of us Christians have made, thinking we need to defend Jesus with power or with force. Well, the mob leads Jesus from the Mount of Olives around the temple complex to the mansion of the high priest Caiaphas. Now check this out: archaeologists have found in that spot the ruins of lavish priestly mansions from the time of Jesus. They are luxurious split-level homes. This one had a footprint of 6,500 square feet. That's a footprint, and it was a two-story house, so you double that. It was a 13,000 square foot mansion. Just for perspective, here's what a 13,000 square foot mansion looks like in California today. You know whose house this is? That's Cher's house. So this is massive, and some believe that this was the house of the high priest Caiaphas, where Jesus has his first sort of midnight kangaroo trial because of evidence that they found on the site. They've created a model of what it looked like back then based on what they found. There's an open courtyard and a high ceiling audience hall, and there's a door between them, and that door will play a little role in this story. They can light the model so you can see what it looked like at night. Imagine Jesus is in the audience hall being tortured and accused, and Peter is in the courtyard, peering in through that door, and he's standing around a fire, desperately hoping he won't be recognized by the very people who've just been clubbing and dragging Jesus into the room next door.

John 18:18 says, because it was cold, the household servants of the guards had made a charcoal fire. That's gonna play a role next weekend. They stood around it, warming themselves, and Peter stood with them, warming himself. Back in Matthew, Peter was sitting outside of the courtyard when a servant girl came over and said to him, you were one of those with Jesus the Galilean. But Peter denied it in front of everyone. I don't know what you're talking about, he said. That's one. Later, out by the gate, another servant girl noticed him and said to those standing around, this man was with Jesus of Nazareth. Again, Peter denied it, this time with an oath: I don't even know the man. That's two.

A little later, some of the other bystanders came over to Peter and said, you must be one of them; we can tell by your Galilean accent, you hick. And then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, I don't know the man! Immediately, a rooster crowed. That's three. And this is worse than it looks because the word curses is much more than swear words. It's a form of the Greek word anathematize. That was the worst thing you could possibly do to somebody—the strongest possible way you could curse somebody. And here's what it literally means, and you're about to hear words you probably don't normally hear a preacher say in a sermon, but literally this meant god damn you to hell. Literally! And again, in those days, this was the most extreme way of cutting somebody off. This is like canceling somebody with the worst curse.

So here's the question: who is Peter cursing? He could be saying to the people, god damn you to hell! I don't know him! Maybe himself: may god damn me to hell if I'm lying, which is bad because he's lying. But most experts today believe, for a variety of complicated grammatical reasons, that Peter is anathematizing Jesus in his fear and his panic, that his desire to protect himself. He's saying, you know what? God damn him to hell! I don't even know the guy! And Luke adds this detail: at that moment, the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Can you imagine that moment? I love this drawing by Gustav Dore. What do you think Peter saw in that glance? Judgment? Compassion? Understanding?

I was thinking this week, so much of your spiritual life depends on what you see in the eyes of Jesus, knowing he sees you in your worst moment. How do you think Jesus looks at you when you fall? What do you see in those eyes? Well, the Bible says suddenly Jesus' words flashed through Peter's mind: before the rooster crows, he will deny three times that you even know me. And he went away weeping bitterly. Question: why is this moment in all four Gospels? Who knew what happened? Who would have known all these details? Peter, as we saw earlier in the series. Peter's telling these stories on himself, including this horrible story. That's how we even know this story. First of all, what an example of transparency—being honest about your own faults. It helps you, but it helps other people too because Peter was teaching us something. Peter's story is two things: it's a warning and it's a reassurance.

Let's look at the warning first: three reasons Peter fell and three reasons I fall and you fall too. First, I overestimate my strength. Right? Peter looks around. Even if these losers bail on you, I will never do it! One characteristic of Peter that never changes: he has this almost comical level of overconfidence, even though he consistently under-delivers and just grandiosely over-promises again and again. He just never seems to learn. And it kind of reminded me of a survey that I heard about a couple of years ago. Researchers asked, imagine you're in a fight with a grizzly bear, and you're not armed—not even a knife. You're bare-handed. Who do you think would win? How about a crocodile? How about a king cobra? Well, you know, U.S. polls: 1,700 American men were asked. It's just you against the animal in a straight fight, no weapons. Who would win? And if you add up the answers, about 400, 430 of those guys said, I fancy my chances! You know, I think I would. Question: do you think Peter would have been one of those guys? Absolutely! Hundred percent! But what about you?

Watch this: most people in America agree with these statements: I am a better than average driver. In fact, 93 percent of Americans say they're better than average as drivers. Statistically impossible! That's ridiculous, isn't it? Show of hands: how many of you believe you're a better than average driver? Probably see most Americans also say, I am more ethical than most people. And frighteningly, I am satisfied with my moral character. I'm satisfied! No room for growth here! I look inside and think I got it nailed. The Bible says pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. Overestimation of your own strength is a trap. We're just flirting; nothing will happen. It's just one more drink; I can handle it. I'm only gonna try it one time; I don't have an addictive personality. It's tricky because confidence is essential, but overconfidence is fatal, right?

And that leads into the second reason that I can fail Jesus: I fear disapproval. Right? Peter obviously did. He was so scared of being found out. But let me ask you this: whose approval? Whose disapproval do you fear? And whose approval do you work for? Whose disapproval do you fear? Maybe people commenting on your social media posts, or maybe co-workers or bosses or friends or family members. Their disapproval affects what you say, what you do, what you post. In effect, those people have become your gods because you are letting their approval direct you. And what happens is you'll end up behaving in ways and justifying things and saying things you could never defend. And like Peter, it can happen very, very quickly.

And then third, I act from exhaustion. Peter was clearly exhausted. And when I know that I'm tired, I turn into a different person. I mean, personally, it's like I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. You know, I'm like pastor in A when I've gotten enough sleep, and I'm shut up when I haven't gotten enough sleep. It's terrible! But this concerns me as a pastor because so many people are telling me, I am always tired. I saw this this week: 82 percent of people agree with this statement: I finish every day feeling exhausted. Pastor Kerry Newhoff says it's increasingly evident that perpetual exhaustion can lead you into places you never intended to go. Exhaustion functions like a gateway drug to a whole host of unintended consequences in your life, including moral failure.

So if Peter showed all these signs and failed, how do I not do this? How do I not get cocky? How do I not fear disapproval? How do I not constantly act from exhaustion? There's all kinds of good little tips and tricks and hacks, but I think there's a foundational way to mostly avoid these things. And you know what it is? Simple: it's the gospel. Because for the first point, the gospel tells me I'm a sinner, no doubt. I'm worse than I even know, and so that keeps me from overestimating my own moral impeccability. And then second, the gospel tells me yet God still loves me unconditionally. The greatest being in the universe loves me eternally, and so the disapproval of humans thing carries so much less weight. And the gospel tells me third, Jesus wants me to get rest—not just sleep, that too, but soul-deep rest from trying to prove myself all the time to everybody and to God. I don't have to work to prove my worth to him; I can relax at a deep level. That's all the gospel.

Now I'm healing, and so are you. I will fail; I have failed, not only by accident. I have chosen wrong many times, and so have you. And so we all also need to see these two keys to recovery in this story, let alone what we're going to see next weekend. Just to hear, we see two keys to recovery. First, expressing grief. Do you remember what happens to Peter? He broke down and wept. He doesn't just weep; he breaks down. But this breakdown is actually the beginning of his character transformation. In recovery, they call this hitting bottom because up until this moment, Peter had thought that following Jesus and being a good disciple was all about his own strength. Yes, Jesus, I have what it takes. I'm gonna be a hero for you. I am committed to you a hundred percent. And that's often the mistake that we can make as well. But in his failure, Peter realizes following Jesus is not about my strength; it's not about my promises; it's not about my pledge of obedience; it's not about my force of will. It's about coming to God with empty hands and saying, I am just throwing myself on your grace in this moment. At last, Peter sees himself for who he really is: a flawed follower. And he realizes Jesus doesn't need him; he needs Jesus.

So how about you? What's your internal monologue tend to be like? I have what it takes; I won't blow it like the others; I can power my way through this? Or I need you, Lord; I'm a sinner in need of mercy? That is where you find healing. And that's where you get to the second key: receiving grace. It's interesting: in the upper room, when Peter said, I will never deny you, never, in Luke's gospel, Jesus said this: I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. You're going to deny me, but I pray that your faith wouldn't get lost, and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. What a gracious thing for Jesus to say in advance to Peter! That shows me three things. First, Jesus is never shocked when you fall. He knew what was going to happen to Peter, and he knows it's going to happen to you. And it tells me Jesus prays for you when you fall. He prayed for Peter, and did you know Jesus is actually praying for you? 1 John 2:1 says this: not judging you; he's praying for you. And Jesus welcomes you back when you fall. Jesus had a purpose, a role for Peter after he fell, and Jesus has a purpose, a role for you too.

So when Jesus looked at Peter, what was behind those eyes? Compassion, prayer, understanding. Jesus sees you and me at our worst moments. That's how he sees you. Look, Peter failed Jesus, but Jesus never fails Peter. You know, think of this: Peter said, God damn him to hell! I don't know him! And Jesus said, you don't understand now, but I am going to the cross so that God will never damn you to hell, Peter. Peter cursed Jesus; Jesus blessed Peter. Jesus knew every failure Peter would make; he knows every failure I will ever make; he knows every failure you've made or will make, and he also still loves you so much that he went to the cross for your salvation. And so, like I told that blogger on that Reddit thread, I'm telling you: you will fail, of course you fail, but Jesus is different. Jesus never fails.

We think that sometimes. We think, oh, objectively, Jesus is perfect; he never sinned. Yes, and that also means Jesus will never fail you. You will fail; you will fall, but keep following and see what Jesus does. Keep coming back. Don't bench yourself. You know this: you'll fail; you'll fall, but keep following. This isn't a description of a bad Christian; this is what it means to be a Christian, and that's what Peter's stories are demonstrating for us in this series. So what happens next in Peter's story? We leave him today as he stumbles into the shadows, and he's weeping bitterly in the darkness. What happens next will give you goosebumps. What happens next is a story for the ages, and what happens next is a story for next weekend. Let's pray together right now.

Heavenly Father, I just pray that with our heads bowed, that people who have failed would have heard God hasn't given up on them. That as long as they're still alive, there's still hope that they fail, but they can get up and start again. They can repent and turn back because you're looking at them with compassion and understanding and redemption. Thank you for not abandoning us to our mistakes. Help us to be both convicted of sin and to receive your grace and your mercy without any shame. Thank you so much for the love you poured out on us by your grace. Help us to live sourced in that love today, not to spiral into self-condemnation, but to rejoice in your redemption. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.