Forgive Me/Help Me

Well, the Jesus way is the name of our series in the Sermon on the Mount. Good morning, my name's René. I'm another one of the pastors here at Twin Lakes Church. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for braving the rain and the Wharf to Wharf crowds to get here to church. It is gonna be, it's already been a great service and we have some very exciting baptisms coming up.

There's something really unique happening right now. We've literally just today had two people, young men just walk into church saying, I Googled your church because I've been moved to follow Jesus and I just want to know how do I become a Christian and get baptized today? And we're seeing that happen more and more and more. I just, the Holy Spirit is doing some really truly amazing things.

Well, before I get into the message today, I wanna give you an update on a couple of projects that we've been working on. This one we've been working on for two years. It's going to be the message series and small group series churchwide following the Jesus ways series in mid September. We have traveled the world to put this thing together. It's been interrupted by wars and all kinds of things, but we're landing the plane.

Here's just a little preview of what we've been working on and are very excited about. For everyone who's ever thought, I can't call myself a Christian. I don't know enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not holy enough. I don't always follow Jesus. Simon Peter's story is essential. I'm René Schlupfer. We traveled with a camera crew throughout Israel and the Mediterranean world in the footsteps of Simon Peter to create a seven week small group curriculum.

We filmed seven video discussion starters on location and wrote a new adventure travel Bible study book. Peter loves Jesus, disagrees with Jesus, argues with Jesus, denies Jesus, most of the time just doesn't get Jesus, but he's still drawn to Jesus and Jesus transforms him. This is hope for imperfect, inconsistent, confused people who still love Jesus. Flawed follower, available in print and digitally beginning August 2024. So we're very excited about this.

Does that look good to you? One of the things I'm really excited about is we're doing this with churches all around the Bay Area like New Beginnings Community Church over in Palo Alto, and Cathedral of Faith over in San Jose, many, many more churches from all kinds of different denominations coming together to study how does one become a follower of Jesus using Simon Peter as a handy template. I'm really excited about it.

Now, here's how you can help. Please pray about this and also we need host homes for the home discussion groups and facilitators. It's a ton of fun, it's easy. All of the discussion questions and everything are written in the back of the book. And if you're interested, and if you're not interested, pray about it because you should be interested. I'll go to TLC.org/smallgroups, click on small group facilitator.

What we're trying to do is get group facilitators and host homes now so that in a few weeks we can start recruiting people to be in the small groups and home discussion groups. It's going to be a ton of fun. And nobody who is involved in this, I wanna make this very clear, is making any money off the sales of the books that 100% all goes back to the ministries of the church.

The second project I wanna update you about is the Hope Center. This, if you are just joining us, that's gonna be a permanent home for our community outreach ministries, our food ministry, our recovery groups, our mental health support groups, our grief support groups and much, much more. They're meeting in those old derelict portables right now. To learn more, you can go to TLC.org/hope.

But here's the exciting thing. When you came in this morning, you probably saw the placards that said that we're now in the public comment process. What that means is in a couple of weeks, there's going to be a hearing before the county zoning administrator. That's right, on August 16th. And then it's gonna be a no-go on the project. And so please pray that we'll find favor in this person's eyes and then following that, the next step will be to get the actual building permit.

So we're very excited. Raise your hand if you'll be praying about that. August 16th is the hearing. We're so stoked. Now, we still hope to break ground early in the new year. Thank you so much for your pledges and support of that. And pray, pray, pray.

Well, the Jesus way, as I said, is our series in the Sermon on the Mount. I have been loving this and I just wanna thank Jared and Val for doing a great job the last couple of weeks. Can we just give it up for them?

As we've been working through the Lord's Prayer, we've been in the, or rather the Sermon on the Mount, we've been to the Lord's Prayer section. And you're familiar with this. I'm gonna put it on screen and let's all read this together out loud, all right? Because you know what? I've noticed that when it's foggy and a little bit drizzly, the energy in church seems a little bit low. Californians, we are so affected by the weather. When it's sun shining, we're like, there is a God. And when it's a little bit overcast, what is this, Portland?

So, okay, people, let's get into this. I wanna hear you say this out loud. Here we go. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And here's the line that we're gonna be getting into this morning. And let's say this together too. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Now, there's a lot here, right? And so what I'm going to be doing is for most of my message, just honing in on one word. It's the word that Jesus Christ repeats here, the word forgive. Say forgive with me out loud. Forgive.

Now, Jesus says, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And that's kind of intense. Jesus is laying down a challenge for us and it's so important right now in our cultural moment, I don't know a more important subject right now than forgiveness because our world right now is filled with conflict. Families are filled with conflict. Marriages are filled with conflict. Churches are filled with conflict.

Relationships, maybe there's something in your own life right now. One of your family members hurt you and it's still creating a wedge in that relationship. Or a friend said some things that wounded you deeply or there's some hurt in the distant past and you're stuck because you feel like you just cannot forgive. And yet forgiveness is so important to Jesus that a few verses later he doubles down on this and says, for if you forgive other people, when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins.

Pretty intense. Any time over the years I've talked about this subject, these verses create a ton of tension. And people often come up to me and say, René, I cannot do this. And so does that mean like I'm not forgiven by God? Am I now not going to heaven because I can't get over something in my past? Look, I don't wanna make this a theological lecture, but let me just say this. If you see this verse in context with everything else the Bible teaches on forgiveness, one thing is clear, the forgiveness of God is by nature unconditional. You are saved by his grace, not works.

But I don't want to blunt the edge of what Jesus is saying here. I want there to be some tension in your heart about whether or not you are forgiving people because Jesus is saying something very urgent about forgiving other people. Forgiveness is of such utmost importance that apparently if you deliberately hold a grudge, that may be a litmus test sign that you're not really following Jesus. And it certainly means that you're not experiencing the forgiveness and the freedom that God wants for you.

And this tracks with modern research. I read a Mayo Clinic article this week as I mentioned in a daily Devo that said that unforgiveness, unresolved grievance is correlated over many, many studies, you could look it up yourself, with anxiety, with symptoms of depression, with higher blood pressure, with a weaker immune system, with weaker heart health. So unforgiveness and resentment, these are some of the most destructive emotions you can hang on to.

But what am I supposed to do with them? How do I forgive? Honestly, I think most of us actually want to forgive. Most of us get that unforgiveness is unhealthy. The problem with this line of the Lord's Prayer is not that we don't understand it, not that it's unclear, it's that we don't know how to do it. So today I wanna help you with that. I wanna help you make some progress today.

Now part of the problem is that I'm convinced that we actually don't understand what this word means. I think the word forgive is one of the least understood words in the English language, certainly in the Bible. And so first let's define this. Here's what forgiveness is not. And I adapted this list from a wonderful sermon by Rick Warren, I've referenced it there in your notes.

It isn't minimizing the offense. Forgiveness is not pretending that you weren't hurt. A lot of people think, if I forgive, I have to pretend it wasn't a big deal. I have to act like, ah, it doesn't really bother me. Of course you don't have to pretend, of course you don't have to act. That's just going to delay your own healing if you do that.

And forgiveness isn't resuming a relationship without changes. Forgiveness and resuming a relationship are two completely different things. There is a huge difference between trust and forgiveness. We've talked about this a lot. When somebody hurts you, you forgive them, but you don't have to trust them. I like to say, God asks you to forgive. God doesn't ask you to be an idiot. You forgive them, but then you observe their actions to see if they can be trusted. Forgiveness is unearned. Trust must be earned.

And forgiveness isn't forgetting what happened. You hear this phrase over and over again, forgive and forget, forgive and forget. One problem with that, it's impossible. Human beings really cannot forget a major hurt, but there's something better than forgiving and forgetting. It's forgiving and remembering and seeing how God is bringing good out of it. More on that in a minute.

And forgiveness isn't forgoing justice. If you forgive a criminal, that doesn't mean they don't have to pay society for their crime. More on that in a minute too. And forgiveness isn't conditional. Jesus asks you to forgive somebody no matter the conditions, whether they ask for it or not. They don't deserve it. That's right, you just give it. That's why it's called forgiveness. You give it.

Remember what Jesus said. He said, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him." He didn't say, "If they ask for it." He's saying when it comes to forgiveness, the ball is in your court, not their court. When it comes to forgiveness, the ball is always in your court. When you say, "Oh, forgive them if," that's not forgiveness by definition.

Now let me just say this. None of the things that we're talking about today when it comes to forgiveness are just theoretical for me. I've talked about this many, many times before here in church. Most recently, I think during a pandemic era sermon in the first half of 2020, over four years ago now. But I won't belabor it here because I've mentioned it before but I am going to briefly refer to this experience.

For one thing, because we do have so many new people join us since then who've never heard this, but also because this is the most dramatic and challenging personal application I've ever had to make regarding this in my own life. So here it goes. When I was about nine years old, my piano teacher sexually molested me. I told adults right away. But all that happened in terms of a consequence was I got moved on to a new piano teacher, which was very typical for those days.

Consequently though, for decades afterward, I had elaborate fantasies of violent vengeance. I would daydream of pulling this man limb from limb. Revenge fantasies fueled my imagination. And the really frustrating thing for me was I really had no idea who he was or how to find him. Now looking back, I thank God for that lack of knowledge because I really think when I was a teenager, I might have killed him. Or I definitely would have assaulted him. No question about that. But I don't remember his name. I was nine. But that means there's no possibility of closure. There's no possibility of legal recompense, zero.

So how do you forgive someone like that? I use that as an extreme example to pose the tension-filled question how do I forgive anyone who's hurt me in my life? Well, let me just say personally, I was helped by four steps that the Bible talks about over and over and over again. And I have personally had to apply these many, many times. Not just in that one instance, in many other instances of course, but that was the one that was clearly the most challenging for me. But guess what? It's the Bible, it's God's word, it's the truth, and it really works. And I know these are going to help you too. So jot these down.

Number one, release thoughts of vengeance. Release thoughts of vengeance. Let me pick my story back up again. 35 years after I was molested, something very dramatic happened. I still remember the freeway exit I was driving on. Here in Santa Cruz, I'm on highway 17. I'm headed south, I take the Pasa Tampo exit, and I turn left on the bridge that goes back over 17, and now I'm driving down North Plymouth.

When once more I start to imagine the grisly payback that I wish I could give to this person who molested me. Who knows what triggered me? It could have been some news story or something like that. And it sends me back 35 years earlier and I'm an adult in my mid 40s and I'm still entertaining these thoughts of violent revenge like I've done a thousand times. My heart rate's beating faster and is leaning into this. And suddenly, it was like I hear God's voice. Now I didn't hear an audible voice. It was like two words were said directly to my soul. Two words that I just could, I'm shaking my head, I cannot get these two words that I can't explain it. It's like it was louder than an audible voice. You wanna know what those two words were? That's enough. That's enough. That's enough.

And it was said so graciously but so strongly, kinda like you have tried this method long enough, René. Now would you give it to me? And you wanna know how I responded? You wanna know how your godly pastor responded? I literally start pounding the dashboard of the car while I'm driving and I'm screaming out loud, no, no, no, he doesn't deserve it. He deserves nothing but retribution. No, no, no. And then it was like God said, yeah, you're right. So give it to me then because I can do retribution much better than you. That's enough.

And I realized that that voice was really saying to me what the Bible says in Romans 12:19, do not take revenge to your friends, but leave room for God's wrath for it is written, it is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord. And by the way, if you think that God is telling you to do something, always check it against scripture. As a pastor, I've heard the weirdest things rationalized by, well, I feel like God told me to do it. Yeah, well, how does it compare to scripture? And so this scripture was brought to my mind and finally I just said out loud, okay. And a feeling of release just came over to me in that instant, I never really knew how much weight I had been carrying until it was gone. And I felt like I was just floating the rest of my drive home.

What happened next? Well, I'll get back to my story in a second. But in case you're thinking, well, René, I mean, you were kind of an intense case. You see the word revenge here in this verse and you think, well, I don't wanna take revenge. I don't want to kill them like you did, pastor. Okay, but revenge can literally mean plans to inflict pain, yes, but also gossip can be a disguise for vengeance, passive, aggressive punishment, making life miserable for somebody in your life without saying what it's all about. That can be revenge, revenge fantasies. That's all covered in this word.

And so we have to take this very seriously because look at this other amazing verse. The Bible says, "Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you and corrupting many." Your bitterness not only poisons you, it also affects the people around you. How? Back to my story. A couple years later, my wife, Lori, says to me, "We're in the kitchen doing dishes." She goes, "René, you know what, I was thinking back to how you kinda had a real anger problem at times when you were first married and even after we moved here to Santa Cruz and you began pastoring this church, but you know," she said, "I almost never see you lose your temper anymore. You've really made some progress."

Now just to clarify, I never was violent with her or with the kids, but I would go off into rages, rages about things that frustrated me. I'd stomp around the house, never against a human being, but if you were an inanimate object, watch out, right? Like my poor dashboard, you know, fist prints all over it. And as Lori said that, I thought, yeah, I'm not doing it anymore. And I said to her, "Yeah, I wonder why. I've changed so much." And we kinda talked it through, and we both agreed that a large part, a large part of my diminished anger is due to letting go of those revenge fantasies and forgiving.

I mean, it's so obvious, isn't it? When you're rehearsing violent fantasies in your head all the time, it's not gonna calm you down. It's not gonna have any kind of a positive effect. It's gonna just make you more upset. It's gonna make you more trigger happy. It's this poisonous root of bitterness that not only affected me, but my anger affected those around me. So, are you being poisoned? As long as you will not forgive, you're gonna keep on hurting and hurting and hurting and reliving that hurt and hurting others. I mean, it's literally poison. Remember the research that we talked about earlier?

But here's the question. If you don't go for vengeance, if you don't keep hating and letting yourself get angry, what's the option? Because now there's a vacuum. Your imagination's been very, very busy imagining retribution. And so you gotta give it something else to do when you think of that person. And that's point two, respond to evil with good. You respond to evil with good. You wanna see one of the most amazing verses in the Bible, Luke 6:27, Jesus said, "But to you who are listening," raise your hand if you're listening right now. Raise your hand. Hey, okay, you can't get out of this. That means he's saying this to you. "Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you instead of revenge, fantasies, hatred." Or maybe it's not revenge, like physical violence. Maybe it's like you imagine yourself just telling them off.

You know what, you ever do that? You're driving along and you imagine that person and you're just giving them a speech. You know what you did to me? Let me just tell you, let me just tell you what you did to me. And you're like, I was gonna tell them what for. And instead of going through that all the time, what you're substituting for that for is praying for them. Why? Because resentment villainizes, prayer humanizes. Prayer humanizes.

I had the honor of meeting Miroslav Volf. He's a Yale professor who lived through horrific political violence in what was then Yugoslavia. And I love what he said at our meeting. "Forgiveness flounders when I exclude the enemy from the community of humans." In other words, when I take my enemy and I don't think of them as a person made in the image of God but I think of them as just their ideology incarnate or a political party incarnate or as some other out group. But when I pray for my enemies, that completely humanizes them. You can't hate somebody that you're praying for.

Now some of you are thinking, but René, what about justice? Like if I forgive somebody, does that mean they get away scot-free? That's a great question. People again, they mix that up. Because look for example at Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? But to do what? Say it out loud. Justice and love what? And walk humbly with you. God, you love mercy, you forgive, but God also wants us to do justice. I mean for the functioning of society.

Bernice King, her father, of course, Martin Luther King Jr. assassinated when she was only six years old. Can you imagine that? She says, "I struggled with anger and hatred for years. Hated the people who killed my father. Hated white people. But my mother kept telling me 'someone has to stop the chain. We cannot hate those who killed your father. Your hatred only hurts you.'" Now later she became a pastor herself, followed her father's footsteps. And I heard her say in a sermon, "Many Christians, God set us free through Christ, but we've locked ourselves back up again through unforgiveness." She says, "It's understandable to feel anger, but the choice is, are you going to serve your emotions or are you going to serve God?"

Now let that just soak in. "Are you going to serve your emotions or are you going to serve God?" Now she goes on, "But forgiveness does not mean we don't also seek justice," the Bible says, "to do justice, love, mercy, walk humbly with God. We have to do all three." And that's true. In fact, watch this, you can really only seek justice after you forgive. Do you get that? Because before you forgive, you're probably not seeking justice, you're seeking revenge. Only after you forgive, can you actually seek justice. Because before that, it's probably not justice, it's vengeance.

So how do I move emotionally from, I'll tell you what, I'll use my vengeance to mercy emotionally? Well, that's number three. You remember how God forgave you. You remember how God forgave you like Colossians 3:13, remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. And when it says remember, it's not like, you better forgive 'cause you remember, you're so bad. It means stand under the waterfall of God's grace and you just receive it that when Jesus Christ died on the cross, he paid the debt for everything you've ever committed or will ever commit.

Now you're born again, you're brand new, you have a new lease on life, and the more you revel in that, the more you let it sink in, the more you overflow with grace toward other people as well. You remember it with gratitude. Now maybe you're thinking, René, I can't do this, I cannot do it. I don't have the strength, my willpower is not enough. You know what I'd say to that? You're exactly right. And coming to that point, this is something I've really learned from recovery.

My friends in recovery, the whole 12-step thing, just as an alcoholic has to admit that they are actually powerless over that and they get to the point where they just turn to God and they say, I surrender, you gotta do this for me, God, 'cause I'm not powerful enough to stop drinking. Some of us, not all of us in this room, but some of us have developed almost an addiction, I would call it maybe an obsession, a bad habit, with thoughts of vengeance and retribution and anger and unresolved and over-indulged grievance. And it's become such a habit so deeply ingrained that it's impossible for you to overcome it. Beautiful! Because now you can say to God, God, I can't do this.

You've gotta give me the power and that's the right place for you to be. You know what they say, God always gives you the power you need to do whatever he asks you to do. And if he's asking you to forgive, he will give you the power to do it if you are willing to ask for that. Now even then, it's not always gonna happen instantly, it's still a process. As they say, God's power grows a redwood, but it's still a process. And forgiveness is a process too. And that's what step four is about. You take those first three steps and then number four, repeat as necessary. Keep doing the steps.

Every time you remember how they hurt you and the pain floods back again, you release your vengeance, you respond with good, with prayer, you remember how God forgave you, and you do that over and over and over. Check this out. The Bible says one time Peter asked Jesus, Lord, how often should I forgive somebody who sins against me seven times? And Jesus says, no, 70 times seven. Do you understand the wisdom behind that? The point is it may take 490 times to keep repeating these steps. I had a breakthrough that day in the car, but I still had to say no to resentment many times after that. But let me say something kind of obvious. You need to start with the first time before you can get to the 490th time. So start today.

Now why did Jesus make this so important? Why did he paint forgiveness in such urgent terms? Because it's at the core of our mission as Christians. As Bernice King says, people won't know how to forgive unless we forgive. You are the answer. We can live out the answer to this broken world which is in need of reconciliation. How am I going to be an ambassador for God's mercy with integrity if I don't show mercy to the people who are me, as Jesus did?

Now most of our time today was spent on this line, but I do wanna address the next line briefly and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Don't overthink this. People get stuck going, wait, does God ever lead us into temptation? Of course not, the book of James says, God never tempts us. So what's the point of this? Why should I pray this? Very simple because Jesus modeled it. We see Jesus Christ all the time praying for strength in temptation and trial.

Jesus prayed for strength at the Last Supper. Jesus prayed for strength in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus prayed for strength on the way to the cross and on the cross. I'm working on the study on Simon Peter who famously denies Jesus three times. There is zero record of Peter ever praying for strength against his trials and temptations, even when Jesus tells him to. He doesn't do it. And what happens? Jesus stands firm, Peter falls flat.

And so question, do you pray daily to be led out of temptation? Really, when you think about it, these two phrases are two sides of the same coin. Father, forgive me of my sin. Forgive me when I fall. Most of us are probably pretty practiced at this prayer. Lord, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I was so stupid, I did wrong, but my guess is far fewer of us go to okay, and for this day enable me to stand.

But it works, I'll tell you this, for four years, I've been praying the Lord's Prayer every single morning, including this line, and my life just goes better. I have more victory over temptation when I pray daily as the Lord taught us to pray. So I want to urge you, I want to challenge you to follow Jesus in this, and every day, pray the Lord's Prayer, including, Father, lead me not into temptation, deliver me from evil today.

So I wanna close with two very straightforward questions, but these are tough, very tough. First, who do you need to forgive? And second, do you know you are forgiven by God? If not, today's your day. Don't go out of here worth some load of guilt on your shoulders, there's no reason to. Everything you've ever done wrong can be completely forgiven today. And when you know that kind of grace, then how can you not forgive others?

You grow in love, you grow in self-control, you grow in knowledge of Jesus, you grow in health when you forgive as you have been forgiven. Now don't take it from me, take it from Jesse Jordan. When she turned 105, a TV reporter asked her, what was her secret to longevity? Watch her answer.

Not holding any grudge against anyone. Forgive and you'll be forgiven. And if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven. It's as plain as that. She says that peace comes from knowing God.

The Lord is good and his mercy endures forever. Those who have sinned a lot love a lot. And I love him very much.

Isn't that beautiful? Let's pray together, would you bow your heads with me? I'm gonna pray a prayer and I just wanna invite you to pray this along with me silently in your heart if this reflects where your heart is at.

Dear God, you know I am carrying some unforgiveness in my heart right now, but today I wanna take a step to letting it go. First, I wanna accept your forgiveness. I want to thank you for sending Jesus to wipe out my debts. I believe that, I receive that and I'm grateful. And now because you've forgiven me, I am choosing to forgive. And in your mind, you put their name right there in that blank. I am choosing, I'm not waiting to feel like it. I'm doing this out of obedience. I'm choosing to overcome evil with good.

And Lord Jesus, please replace my hurt with your peace and help me to share your healing message and power of peace with others. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.